Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

2007-01-16 03:01:44 · 2 answers · asked by PHAROAH 1

Once upon a time

In a land far away,

A beautiful, independent,

Self-assured princess

Happened upon a frog as she sat

Contemplating ecological issues

On the shores of an unpolluted pond

In a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap

And said: " Elegant Lady,

I was once a handsome prince,

Until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.

One kiss from you, however,

And I will turn back

Into the dapper, young prince that I am

And then, my sweet, we can marry

And set up housekeeping in your castle
With my mother,

Where you can prepare my meals,

Clean my clothes, bear my children,

And forever feel

Grateful and happy doing so. "

That night,

As the princess dined sumptuously

on frog's legs with a delicious wine sauce,

and chuckled to herself:

"I don't fukking think so."

2007-01-16 02:52:15 · 28 answers · asked by its_me_cheeky_dee 2

-a blonde walked into a police station in search of a job
-an officer agreed to interview her and asked her a series of simple questions,
-"whats 2+2?"
-blonde: "uhh 4!"
-"whats the square root of 100?"
-blonde: "umm 10!"
-"who killed Abe Lincoln?"
-blonde, "gee, i dunno"
-"ok well just go home and think on it, and come back tomorrow"
-the blonde hurried home and called her friend, "did you get the job?" her friend asked
-blonde:"not only did i get the job! im already working on a murder case!"

2007-01-16 02:42:18 · 11 answers · asked by tmapes 3

-there were two bowling teams headed to a tournament.
-one team was all blondes and the other was all brunettes
-the brunette team took the bottom section and the blondes took the top
-the brunettes got really rowdy and loud on the bottom half, but after a while, grew concerned with why the hadn't heard a sound from up top
-a brunette walked up to the top layer and found all the blondes pale as sheets and gripping the seats with white knuckles
-"what the heck is wrong, this bus ride is as calm as can be" said the brunette
-a blonde spoke up, "well duh! yall have a driver!"

2007-01-16 02:36:56 · 14 answers · asked by tmapes 3

A ventriloquist is doing his act at the summer show and telling a few blonde jokes. Suddenly a blonde woman stands up at the back and shouts out angrily,

"You bastard, it's always the same, telling everyone that blondes are stupid. Well we're not"

"Look, I'm sorry," says the ventriquilist, apologetically.
"It's just the act; I didn't mean to........"

"I'm not talking to you," interupts the blonde heatedly, "i'm talking to the little fellow on your knee!"

2007-01-16 02:21:29 · 24 answers · asked by racerman 3

You say: a b*tch is a female dog, female dogs bark, bark comes from a tree, tree's blossom and blossoms are very pretty so thank you for the complement!

2007-01-16 02:12:38 · 33 answers · asked by :)☮♥ 3

2007-01-16 02:02:33 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

11,123,123,132,156,456 *0=?

2007-01-16 02:01:44 · 15 answers · asked by JUDI 3

wats the PHD means

2007-01-16 02:01:29 · 32 answers · asked by Amelia 1

..........goes into a hotel room and it's more than 3 hours before she comes out again.

"What happened to you?" asks her friend.

"I couldn't get out," she replies. "There were 3 doors in the room, one went into the bathroom, one into the wardrobe and the third had a `do not disturb` notice hanging on the handle."

2007-01-16 02:01:15 · 12 answers · asked by racerman 3

Drunk Driver: A man was out, driving happily along in his car lateone Saturday night. Before too long, a cop pulled him over. The policeman walked up to the man and asked, "Have you been drinking, sir?" "Why? Was I weaving all over the road?" "No," replied the policeman, "you were driving splendidly.It was the really ugly girl in the passenger seat that gave you away."

2007-01-16 02:00:38 · 13 answers · asked by steve 5

2007-01-16 02:00:09 · 3 answers · asked by robert_w_60614 1

Not So Dumb

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son"? The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you"? said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill"?

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over."

2007-01-16 01:57:03 · 31 answers · asked by steve 5

lights the fuse and you have got 20 seconds to hide

where are you going to hide ( the funner the place the better )

**richard hides in a bed with a girl**

2007-01-16 01:56:55 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

A few years ago while going to work in a works van with others and going uphill in the ouskirts of a town..our driver stopped because he saw something flashing in the middle of the road. We all got out and had a look and could'nt beleive our eyes. It was a heap of jewelry ......watches--rings--necklaces--bracelets. On one side of the road was a grass bank which had car tracks going down but no car or person lying or hiding in the bushes. we thought it could be a salesman who had an accident...but there was no body. Then we thought it could be a jewel thief who dumped the jewelry there to elude the law. But if the law caught up with him ...why would they leave the loot there. Why had'nt othe people picked up the gems. There were no cordons or police notices. Could it have been a trick by the towns folk to dupe outsiders.

2007-01-16 01:54:48 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-16 01:52:56 · 16 answers · asked by rea 2

(Related to CBB) :)

Jade, Jo, and Dan thinks 2 hours... Shilpa thinks its 45min.... SO WHO IS RIGHT!!!

2007-01-16 01:51:29 · 31 answers · asked by abdulkam 2

2007-01-16 01:46:19 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

difficult huh?

2007-01-16 01:33:29 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

N A I S N I E N L G E LT E T W E O R R S D

2007-01-16 01:32:29 · 3 answers · asked by Da~thic~bac blak 1 1

An attorney got home late one evening, after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, James Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he got through the door at home, his wife started on him about, "What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?" And on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs to give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband's rear end as he was bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.
He whirled around and screamed, "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?"

2007-01-16 01:14:49 · 7 answers · asked by sheriff fatman 2

Consider all the five digit numbers formed by using the digits 1,2,3,4 and 5 once and only once in each number formed. What is the sum of all of these five digit numbers?

2007-01-16 01:14:00 · 8 answers · asked by christiechritter 2

But

2007-01-16 00:50:18 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

Beckham at a confrence -"I like them 'cos they make my breath fresh"
stunned silence in the audience untill someone shouts
"TACTICS,YOU THICK ****!!"

2007-01-16 00:35:57 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

William Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzwilliam.

2007-01-16 00:21:02 · 23 answers · asked by Mr Tripod 4

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, the angel tells Ford,"Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention, the car, changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven."

So, Henry Ford thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang out with Adam, the first man." So, the guy at the gates points Adam out to Ford.

When Ford gets to Adam, Ford asks, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of the woman?" Adam says yes.

"Well," says Ford, "You have some major design flaws in your invention:


There's too much front end protrusion.
It chatters at high speeds.
The rear end wobbles too much.
The intake is placed too close to the exhaust."
"Hmmm...", says Adam, "hold on."

So Adam goes to the celestial supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the result. The computer prints out a slip of paper and Adam reads it. He then says to Henry Ford, "It may be that my invention is flawed, but according to the celestial computer, more men are riding my invention than yours."

2007-01-16 00:13:54 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am in the process of developing a new website and for its entertainment segment, I need a collection of random jokes on different topics. So if you would like to share jokes you know and want to get it included in the website alongwith your name appearing next to the joke, please send it to me at once.
Thanx in advance.

2007-01-16 00:11:25 · 28 answers · asked by Tarun 2

A drunk staggers out of a bar and makes his way over to the car park where he begins to rub the roof of every car. The car park attendant watches him in amazement and finally goes over to speak to him.

"Hey buddy, why are you rubbing the roof of every vehicle?"

"I'm looking for my car," he slurs, "and I'll know it when I find it 'cause it's got two blue lights and a siren on the top"

2007-01-16 00:06:17 · 11 answers · asked by racerman 3

1. Invisible

The invisible man married the invisible woman.


Their kids were nothing to look at either.

2. Police Dogs



If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.


They're trained for that.

3. Fatherly Advice



George H. W. Bush and George W. Bush were having a little father-son chat the other day.


George H.W. Bush said to George W. Bush: "Son, you're making the same mistake in Iraq that I made with your mother."


"What was that, dad?" asked George W. Bush.


To which George H.W. Bush replied: "I didn't pull out in time."

2007-01-15 23:56:37 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

As two doctors were taking lunch in the park, a man approached, shuffling along with his knees pressed together, fists clenched and doubled up.

"What do you reckon is wrong with him?" the first doctor asked his colleague.

"Severe arthritis I would think. Do you agree?"

"No I think it's cerebral palsey," he replied.

All of a sudden the man came up to them and said through tight lips,

"Can you tell me where the Gents is, please?"

2007-01-15 23:56:23 · 17 answers · asked by racerman 3