Jokes please for inclusion in my new website with your name appearing?

Question

I am in the process of developing a new website and for its entertainment segment, I need a collection of random jokes on different topics. So if you would like to share jokes you know and want to get it included in the website alongwith your name appearing next to the joke, please send it to me at once.
Thanx in advance.

Answer 1

Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"
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Once a Sardar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other
so the man asked him why did he do so? He replied that the weather
forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other
hand it would be hot.

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Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from
Amritsar , where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached
there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to
return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he
didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally

reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him "
Arre Puttar, ki hoya?"
The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and
said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear
banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?"
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Teacher: Can you tell me something about Raja Ram Mohan Roy?
Saradji: They were 4 best friends..!

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Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao,
Shopkeeper ne Flag Dikhaya,
Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
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How can a Sardar Kill a Lion? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a
conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo ta ra ra.
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Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a
Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies
Yaar...!!!
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What is Common between: Krishna , Ram, Gandhi ji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied: All are born on Government Holidays.

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Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey
Santa: Oh, I thought it was its Skin...!!!
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Sardar Son: O God! Please make New York the capital of Punjab .
Sardar: Why are you praying for that?
Sardar Son: That is what I have written in my exam.

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1 - Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar : Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR

2 - Teacher to Sardar: Write your best friend's name in English.
Sardar wrote: ' Beautiful Red Underwear'
Teacher: What?
Sardar: His name is Sundar Lal Sheddy

3 - Manager asked to sardar at an interview
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.

4 - After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

5 - One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

6 - Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is jayanthi.

7 - Sardar was doing experiment with cockroach, first he cut it's one leg and told
WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked. Then he cut it's second leg and told the same. Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and did the same. At last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered it walk! But cockroach didn't walked. Suddenly sardar said loudly, " I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.

8- Sardar went in a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There he started washing the basin. Seeing this the manager asked what was he doing. Sardar pointed towards the board "WASH BASIN"

9 - Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Sardar : its simple. I will stop my imagination! !!


Boss to assisstent: Keep that sardar busy for a while when I'm attending my conference!

assisstent: Your Majesty! sir!

Assisstent had gained victory over it! (keeping the sardar busy)



can you believe what he did?


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He put the sardar in a circular roo and told him to find the corner!


If you din't laugh at this joke then scroll down!!



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You had to laugh right now!!
Laugh now he he he he he he he !!!!







-1-
Child : (returning from his cricket match in his compound) "Mom mom ", can I have an apple?

Mom: But you just ate one.

Child : An apple a day keeps the doctor away and I just broke his window.

-2-
Child : (returns home after getting her report card)

Mother:whats your final grade?

Child : Underwater

Mother : what does that mean?

Child: Below C LEVEL

-3-
(Bollywood joke)
Jo and SO went to a forest for a trip. They saw a lion. Why did JO get scared and SO die?

Ans:- JO dar gaya SO mar gaya.


PLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAASE RATE IT.

Answer 2

1.Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote the first son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Gerald," she wrote to the second, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"


2. A blonde was wandering through the forest when she came upon some train tracks running from west to east. A beautiful brunette was standing on the tracks chanting in a sultry voice "Twenty-two, Twenty-two, Twenty-two," The blonde politely asked of she could join her, and the Brunette said ok. After a few minutes of both women chanting "Twenty-two, Twenty-two, Twenty-two," a train came along at a very high speed. The brunette jumped out of the way, but the blonde got hit. after the train passed, the brunette stepped back on the tracks and began chanting "Twenty-three, Twenty-three, Twenty-three,"

3.Here are 20 things that you should never say to a cop:

20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

18. Hey! Aren't you the guy from the village people?

17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 MPH to keep up with me! Good job.

16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

14. No donut for you!

13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Hey! Didn't I see you on 'Cops'?

10. Is it true that people become cops because they cannot get a job at McDonalds?

9. I pay your salary, dammit!

8. So uh, you on the take or what?

7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around. That's how far behind them I am!

4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You're the trained specialist.

3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of heroin, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full body cavity searches?


My Name is Grotz


-Peace, Hope, Love-
P.Pizza

Answer 3

1 A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after

Every 10 sec a

woman gives birth to a kid.

A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.



2 Sardar-why r all these people running?

Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.

Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r

others running?



3 Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence

into future tense.

Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".



4 Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was

not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary

Expected".

After much thought he wrote: Yes!



5 Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant

it’s already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an

umbrella and go.



6 Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer

gave 11cr after

deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else

return my 20 Rs

back.



7 Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet

Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have

posted it....



8 Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died

peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the

passengers in the

car he was driving..



9 Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible

looking thing is

what you call modern art ?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!



10 Sardar was writing something very slowly.

Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?

Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.



11 Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local

sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still

digging for more..

Answer 4

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, So he
decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally Typed
wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the
e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from
her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting
messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed
into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer
screen
which read:



To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Reached

Date: 16 May 2002

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now,
and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones.I've just
reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been
prepared for
your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your
journey is as uneventful as mine was.

Your Loving Husband

The above joke has been sent to you by a joker who has the id
- - [e-mail] - -

Answer 5

`When Americans went to space they found that their pens were not working. They came back on earth, wasted 20 years to invent a pen which could work in space . When Russians went to space they too found that their pens were not working,but still took the observations , noted them and came back. The Americans were astonished on hearing this and asked their detectives to find out how the Russians were able to do that. After six months the detectives came back and guess what did they told:


"Sir,they used pencils instead of pens."



2. Johnny always wished to fly a helicopter so he joined an academy to learn how to fly a helicopter. He was the best student of his class and learned it within two months. After two months the instructor asked him to fly as high as he can. Johnny became very happy and flew the helicopter. When he was flying,something happened and his helicopter crashed. His instructor asked him what went wrong? Johnny replied

" I don't know sir, when I went 2000metres above nothing happened, when I went 3000 metres above then also nothing happened, but when I went 5000mts above I started feeling cold so I just switched off the fan."

Answer 6

A blonde was wandering through the forest when she came upon some train tracks running from west to east. A beautiful brunette was standing on the tracks chanting in a sultry voice "Twenty-two, Twenty-two, Twenty-two," The blonde politely asked of she could join her, and the Brunette said ok. After a few minutes of both women chanting "Twenty-two, Twenty-two, Twenty-two," a train came along at a very high speed. The brunette jumped out of the way, but the blonde got hit. after the train passed, the brunette stepped back on the tracks and began chanting "Twenty-three, Twenty-three, Twenty-three

Answer 7

An yet to marry girl looked some what disturbed few days before marriage. Her mom asked her the reason. She said that she is very nervous & horrified on thoughts of their Honey moon.

Her mom comforted her by telling " this is quite natural, even i had the similar feeling during my honey moon!, but every thing went well after that!"

Daughter sighed unsatisfied with this answer and she said " You went only with Papa".

How is this? Give ur website address soon!

Answer 8

At the time the couple got married, the groom said it's okay for married people to have a few secrets from each other. Then he tells his wife to never, ever look in the trunk of his car. On their 50th wedding anniversary, she decided she was going to finally find out why he never wanted her to look in his trunk. When she raised the trunk lid, she saw a huge pile of money and 2 ears of corn in a bushel basket. She told her husband that she had a right to peek into his trunk after 50 years and demanded to know what the deal was with the pile of money and 2 ears of corn in a bushel basket. Her husband, shame-faced, admitted to her that each time he was unfaithful to her during their marriage, he would put an ear of corn in the basket as a reminder to be faithful from now on. The wife was angry at first then decided that if he had cheated on her only 2 times in 50 years, she should consider herself lucky and wouldn't say anymore about his cheating. Then she asked him about the pile of money that was in his trunk too. He said "Well......... everytime the basket would get full of corn, I'd sell it" !!!!!!!!................(If you wanna use this one, I'm Jade in London, Kentucky)

Answer 9

I am a little concerned about the strength of many financial institutions, so as I was talking with my financial advisor last week, I told him that I wanted to put my money into 16 different banks.
He then laughed uncontrollably & said, "How far do you think $4 is gonna go????"
Steve

Answer 10

1. What is his occupation?
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"
Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy people, steals from them, and drinks."
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.
Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
2. Someone stole things from me
A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, the radio, and even the accelerator," he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

(hey my name is Meera. Dont forget to add it. Tell me the name of the website as soon as u create it.)