Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

A man rides into town on Friday, stays for three days and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?

2006-12-09 04:45:28 · 8 answers · asked by cgpp14 2

here is a quiz that is pretty ez n hard at the same time theres only 4 questions:
1. How do u put a giraffe in a fridge?

2. How do u put an elephant in a fridge?

3. All the animals r in a party exept 1 which 1???

4. There is a river that u wanna cross but alligators live in it n own it how do u get across u have no boat or supplies.

Chek up on it it 5 mins. i will add the answers and chek them ur selfs lets see how many u get rite ! who ever getz all rite will b chosen best answer =)

2006-12-09 04:41:52 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Which of these is ur fav:

1. There were three men stranded on an island. they saw a lamp they rubbed it and a geeni came out it wud grant them eech I wish the 1st man wished to become a rich man and to live in a mansion sooo poof he was gone then the second wished to live anywhere but there soooo poof he was gone the last 1 said im bored i wish those 2 guys were bak.

2. There were 3 men chineseAmericanand Canadian the chinese man threw chopstx out thewindow he went out side he saw a little girl cryin hesed y u cryin little girl she sed some1 threw chopstix outthe window n hit my dog on the hed now he has 2get surgery thesame thing happened withthe canadianman but he threw forks n spoons out the windo n asked the littlegirl the same things she sed some1 threw forks n spoons out the window n hit my mom on the hed now she has 2 getsurgery! then thesame thinghappened but the american manthrew a bombout the window heasked the little boy y u lafinhe sedmy dad farted n thehouseblew up!

2006-12-09 04:27:23 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Paddy and Paddy, two Irishmen, went out one day and each bought a pig.When they got home, Paddy turned to Paddy and said, "Paddy, me ol'mate,how are we going to tell who owns which Fookin' Pig?" Paddy says, "Well Paddy, I'll cut one of te ears off my Fookin Pig, and ten we can tell them apart." "Ah, dat id be grand," says Paddy.

This worked fine until a couple of weeks later, when Paddy stormed into the house. "Paddy" he said, "Your Fookin Pig has chewed the ear off my Fookin Pig. Now we got two fookin pigs with one ear each. How are we going to tell who owns which fookin pig.?" "Well Paddy," says
Paddy,"I'll cut ta other ear off my fookin pig. Ten we'll ave two fookin pigs and only one of them will avan ear". "Ah tat'd be grand" says Paddy.

Again, this worked fine until a couple of weeks later, when Paddy again stormed into the house. "Paddy", he said, "Your fookin pig has chewed the other ear offa my fookin pig!!!." "Now, we got two fookin pigs with no fookin ears!

2006-12-09 04:24:32 · 16 answers · asked by a m 4

there were 3 guys, poop, shut up, & manners.
One time they went on a walk and poop fell in the pond.
Shut up went to go get the police, and Manners stayed with Poop to help him out. The police asked Shut Up" what's your name boy?" and he said "Shut Up!" then the police officer said" where your manners?" and Shut Up said, " down by the pond picking up Poop!"

2006-12-09 04:22:53 · 13 answers · asked by Walkie-Talkie 2

Am I not a funny person?
Do I foresee a successful career for myself as a comedy writer??? :-)

2006-12-09 04:19:01 · 13 answers · asked by ♪ ♫ ☮ NYbron ☮ ♪ ♫ 6

As an additional bonus, from start to finish what does this message represent?

2006-12-09 04:09:32 · 6 answers · asked by hobbiehound 4

First I'll explain a little about the situation. My parents both grew up in a city, got married, had 3 kids and moved to suburban life. Kids grew up, moved out, got married so now they live in the country, Maine to be specific. They already have 8 or 10 chickens, a hen, a rooster, a pet pot belly pig, 3 goats (1 male, 2 female), a dog and two cats.

My dad emailed me and said, "We have an addition to our familanimalies but I won't tell you what it is...in my opinion I think you will like this one. And wait till you here what his name is".

So it's a male. They have 1.5 acres of land and don't have the money to spend on a horse so I don't think it's that. And I doubt it's a bull. I'm awaiting the suspense and the answer to this when my mom sends me her letter in the mail...in a few days.

What is your opinion on what this animal could be? Whoever is right gets the 10 points, after I find out what it is. :-)

2006-12-09 04:09:05 · 17 answers · asked by H.L.A. 7

Gary came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk,as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
"Who the hell are you?" Demanded Gary , "and what are you doing in my bedroom?".The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter".
Gary was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family....you' ve got to send me back straight away".
St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."
Gary was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house,he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
"This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen,how are you enjoying your first day here?"
"It's not so bad" replies Gary , "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before".
"Never" replies Gary "Well just relax and let it happen"
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later,an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him...ever!! !
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting:
" Gary ,wake up you drunken **stard, you're shitting the bed.

2006-12-09 03:58:36 · 22 answers · asked by a m 4

lman goes into a bar notices two stunning young ladies in the corner;send them over what ever their drinking he asks the barman; oh i wouldnt do that sir he replies,its my money and ill do what ever i want with it send the drinks over,ok says the barman.bloke sits down looks round and the girls dont even aknowledge him,finishes his drink goes back to the bar orders another round of drinks for the girls.SIR i did try to warn you that the girls are a couple and when i say couple i mean COUPLE!!!and they hate men . right says the bloke,never mind send the drinks anyway
the girls drink up and leave the bar,10mins latter one returns top undone hair messed up goes over to the bloke and says my girlfriend is in the back of my car semi naked with a leg over each headrest and she is dripping and we was wondering if you would like to smell the essence of her womanhood??? CORRRR yea replies the bloke,with that she slowly breaths in his face!!!!

2006-12-09 03:58:16 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-09 03:52:19 · 18 answers · asked by Kelly R 1

Tell me your:
1) Best chat up line
2) Funniest Chat up line
3) and a chat up line you got slapped for saying

I was slapped for saying

"That *** is so fat i just wanna...you know...how 'bout now...you ready 'cos i am!"

I don't blame her but it was hilarious at the time!

2006-12-09 03:49:29 · 8 answers · asked by HardCore 4

A man goes fishing in a boat, in a lake. Whatever the man catches he throws back. Whatever the man doesn't catch he keeps. What did the man catch?
Smart people Come up with answers...!

2006-12-09 03:46:47 · 12 answers · asked by ☺•˚ºo(█?) 2

What does enjoy,know,believe stand for.?
I have a homework assignment and I need your help. Well I can accept answers until FRIDAY.What I need to do is I have a couple of words and I need to use each letter to start one word in your sentence. Here is an example:
SPIRIT- Some People Imagine Really Interesting Tales.
Each begining letter from the words equal SPIRIT. It has to be a sentence.
Please HELP ME!! I would love to answer questions.
Here are the words:
love
peace
serve
better
happy
rich
contentment

2006-12-09 03:26:28 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Moses, Jesus and some 'ol geezer are going to play a round of golf. Moses tees off, the ball goes right into the pond. No problem! Moses walks over parts the water and hits the ball again, where it lands about 1 foot from the first hole.

Jesus then tees off and the ball goes flying off to the left, hits a
tree, then miraculously bounces to about 6 inches from the hole.

The 'ol geezer steps up, tees off, the ball heads right for the pond, a huge bass jumps up grabs the ball in its mouth, suddenly an eagle swoops down, grabs the bass and flies over the green, the bass drops the ball and it rolls to just about 2 inches from the hole! All of a sudden a worm pops up and knocks the ball in. A hole in one.

Moses looks at Jesus and says, "You know, I really hate it when your DAD plays."

2006-12-09 03:22:51 · 15 answers · asked by a m 4

Most girls love them and so do some guys.

When one comes out they gasp with wide eyes.

10 points for correct answer.

2006-12-09 03:20:38 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-09 03:16:42 · 1 answers · asked by starry_eyez70 4

Try Solvin...

2006-12-09 02:55:25 · 14 answers · asked by ☺•˚ºo(█?) 2

Yo Mama so constipated that she was arrested for illegal production of radioactive waste!

Yo Mama so fat that she was sold on the black market as a high quality anchor!

Yo Mama so fat that when she asked for a water bed they just put a blanket over the ocean!

Yo Mama so fat that when she wore high-heels she struck oil!

2006-12-09 02:49:45 · 13 answers · asked by Forqan Q 1

a man was sawing his new assistant in half, when:

she asked 'what happened to your old assistant'
he repiled 'she now lives in London and Liverpool!'

she has a worried look on her face: then the magician pulls her two halves apart.

what do you think funny?

2006-12-09 02:48:49 · 37 answers · asked by jon h 6

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "if I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen".

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, Your wife fell three times this week."

2006-12-09 02:33:09 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

A newly married sailor was informed by the navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter.

" My love," he wrote " we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that we're constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. Do you think if I had a hobby of some kind I would not tempted? "

So his wife sent him back a harmonica saying, "why don't you learn to play this?"

Eventually his tour of duty came to an end and he rushed back to his wife. "Darling" he said, "I can't wait to get you into bed so that we make passionate love!"

"First let's see you play that harmonica!"

2006-12-09 02:31:35 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Yo mama is so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the bathroom scale.

2006-12-09 02:30:02 · 10 answers · asked by Ksir Rekat 1

Two young boys were spending the night at Gramma's. At bedtime they knelt beside the bed to say their prayers, and the youngest began praying in a very loud voice.
"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE. I PRAY FOR NEW VIDEO GAMES. I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD PLAYER...... "
...and stopped as his older brother leaned over and nudged him, then asked, "Why are you shouting your prayers out loud? Our Father isn't deaf"!
To which the little brother answered, "No, but Gramma is"!

2006-12-09 01:58:47 · 13 answers · asked by jfmm 7

issit good or not?

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000." MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

2006-12-09 01:56:36 · 15 answers · asked by ♣valentine melons♣ 4

There are totally 4 guys who want to cross one bridge from one end to other, but the problem is tht only two them at a time can walk on the bridge.
They are in dark jungle and have only one torch with them to cross the bridge.
following are the strength of each guy.
A person can walk the distance in 1 min
B person can walk the same in 2 min
C person can walk the distance in 5 min
D can walk in 10 min.

Now tell me how four of them will cross the bridge in 17 mins????????

2006-12-09 01:55:22 · 14 answers · asked by It's me 1

True Bravery is arriving home stinking drunk after a very late night out with the boys....... then...... being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and still having the guts to ask:

"Are you cleaning, or were you flying somewhere"?

2006-12-09 01:48:55 · 10 answers · asked by jfmm 7

Murphy came to Mass one Sunday, and the Priest was shocked when he saw him. Murphy hadn't been in years.
The Priest asked him after services, "What made you come today? I am so glad to see you here"!
Murphy said, "To be honest with you, Father, I misplaced me hat a while back, and I really, really love that hat. I saw McGlynn had one just like mine, and I knew he came to Church every Sunday. I knew he had to take off his hat during Mass, and leave it in the back.. So I was going to go and steal McGlynn's hat".
The Priest said, "Well, I notice that you never stole McGlynn's hat! What changed your mind"?
Murphy replied, "Well, after your sermon on The Ten Commandments, I realized I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat".
The Priest gave Murphy a big smile, and said, "After I talked about not stealing you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell"!
Murphy shook his head, and said, "No, Father. After you spoke about not commiting adultery, I remembered where I left me hat"!

2006-12-09 01:43:25 · 10 answers · asked by jfmm 7

Mine was: Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

2006-12-09 01:23:53 · 6 answers · asked by Elwen 2

Miss Vicky looked outside the window of her apartment one sunny morning and saw a woman in the building across the street standing over a man. Miss Vicky watched her stab him in the chest several times. Methodically, she cleaned up the blood and took his money. Miss Vicky had seen this woman do this once before, but she still did not call the police. Why?

2006-12-09 01:21:52 · 22 answers · asked by dohm84 4