Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

This wagon train had been badly attacked by indians, they had stolen all the supplies and left a lot of the cowboys dead or . badly injured. Suddenly a beautiful cowgirl on a black stallion comes galloping over the hill, she dismounts of the horse and walks up to one of the injured cowboys, hitches up her short skirt and sits on his face. Whats going on said another cowboy i plainly said send for the posse!!!

2006-11-26 06:49:28 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

The gorillas on heat, I need someone to have sex with her... will you shag her for £500..?

Paddy replies...

I will on 3 conditions...

1. I don't kiss her
2. My family don't get to know
3. Give me 2 weeks to get the cash together...!!

2006-11-26 06:43:40 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

One day a smart brunettes husband said he was going on a business trip. The brunette was a nurse and worked at night. So one day, with her husband gone. She walked into a strip club and saw this really drunk hot guy. she took off her shirt and got up on the pole. the guy noticed her and smiled. she climbed down and walked up to him. he took her to his house and they did "it". The next morning, the man, no longer drunk, saw this girl he picked up at the club. "Have a nice trip?" the girl said. he suddenly realized something. It was his wife.

2006-11-26 06:36:52 · 21 answers · asked by jamie 3

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink and were watching the six o'clock news on television. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, the man jumped The blonde gave the redhead $50.
The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend."
The blonde said, "No, a bet's a bet."
So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on TV on the five o'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde says, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

2006-11-26 06:35:14 · 14 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

I used to work a PC tech support jobb where I'd take calls from people with computer problems. Often, those conversations sounded like this:

Caller: My monitor is dead.
Me: Did you try turning it on?
Caller: Wow, that worked!
Me: You're a retard
Caller: What?!
Me: Damn, i guess the mute button on this phone doesn't work

Now, i work a telecommunications support job where i take calls form prople whith telephone problems.

Caller: My phone is broken.
Me: Then how are you calling me?
Caller: Wow, my phone is working now!
Me: Great. Let's test my mute button now. Can you hear me? No? Good. You're a retard.

2006-11-26 06:25:55 · 13 answers · asked by metal_pyro_chick 2

Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

2006-11-26 06:23:56 · 18 answers · asked by Gemini23 4

there is lady that has a chicken,a fox,and a big bag of chicken food,that has to cross a river in a conoe. she can only big one item and herself at a time but if she leaves the chicken with the fox the fox will eat the chicken. If she leaves the chicken with the seeds the chicken will eat the seeds. How can she get them all across without them eating each other?????????

2006-11-26 06:23:45 · 24 answers · asked by Kayla 1

A wife doesnt return home one nite and tells her husband she spent the nite at a friend's place. The husband calls 10 of her friends and all of them say no.
A man doesnt return home one nite and tells his wife he spent the nite at a friend's place. The wife calls 10 of his friends and 8 of them say yes. and 2 claim he's still with them.

2006-11-26 06:23:45 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
----
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
----
Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
-----
How many Sardars does it take to pull off a kidnapping? Six.
One to kidnap the victim and five to write the ransom note.
-----
Why are Sardar secret agents the best in the world?
Because even under torture they can't remember what they have been assigned to.
-----
A Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he picks it up and says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"
------
Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?
They're there for those who don't drink.
----
Why couldn't the Sardar write the number "eleven"?
He didn't know which "one" came first...
----
TEACHER: If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you get?
STUDENT: A new bike.

2006-11-26 06:17:26 · 7 answers · asked by Sohaib ahmad 1

Riddle

This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it? It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it! In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out! Try to do so without any coaching!

2006-11-26 06:17:00 · 13 answers · asked by sam 3

2006-11-26 06:13:04 · 11 answers · asked by ♥michele♥ 7

The stunning blonde coed was stunned herself
when the biology professor asked her, "What
part of the human anatomy enlarges to about
ten times its normal size during periods of
emotion or excitement?"

"I... I refuse to answer that question," the
girl stammered as she shyly avoided looking
at her classmates

Sitting nearby. One of them was called upon next,
and he correctly answered, "The pupil of the eye."

"Miss Rogers," said the professor, "your refusal
to answer my question makes three things evident.
First, you didn't study last night's assignment.
Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, I'm
afraid marriage is going to be a tremendous
disappointment for you!"

2006-11-26 06:09:36 · 19 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home
----
Dark were those days, without your sight. When I was indarkness, you gave me light. You gave me strength 2 make life bright. Thank you so much PHILIPS TUBELIGHT !
------
Last nite I lay in bed, looking at the stars, the beautiful sky and the endless horizon.... and suddenly I thought... where the hell is my roof?
------
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
---------
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..
-------
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
----
first the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering

2006-11-26 06:07:26 · 10 answers · asked by Sohaib ahmad 1

A 16-year-old boy was driving a moped down a one-way street in the wrong direction. A policeman stopped him and gave him a ticket. The policeman paid the ticket himself. What is a logical explanation for this?

2006-11-26 06:05:27 · 23 answers · asked by The Boss 2

2006-11-26 06:02:40 · 35 answers · asked by freddy197120032003 3

The doc told a man that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered and alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he reailized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.
Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"
He heard, "This is the police. What the hell are you doing?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
The cop says, "Well, you better check your brakes too, because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

2006-11-26 06:02:00 · 29 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

The class assignment in composition was to write about something unusual
that happened during the past week.

Little johnny got up to read his. "Papa fell in the well last week - " he
began.

"Good heavens," shrieked Mrs. Kroop, the teacher. "Is he all right now?"

"He must be," said little johnny. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."

2006-11-26 06:00:39 · 21 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

What's greater than god, eviler than the devil, rich people need it, poor people have it, and if you eat you'll die?

2006-11-26 05:58:43 · 14 answers · asked by LarbradorianGuy 3

last time it was hiding down in the w's

2006-11-26 05:58:34 · 17 answers · asked by ? 5

A man who lives on the ninteenth floor of a block of flats takes the lift each day to go to work. Coming home, if the weather is fine, he goes up to thirteenth floor and walks up the stairs the rest of the way. If it is bad weather he goes right to his own floor in the flats. By chance he is always on his own in the lift so why does he do it. !!!

2006-11-26 05:57:05 · 27 answers · asked by Shredder 6

An age old joke but does it still brings those 32 diamonds to public view??
George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech. After his talk
he
offers question time.One little boy puts up his hand and George asks
him
what his name is.

"Bob".

"And what is your question, Bob?"

"I have 3 questions.

First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?

Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?

And third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?

Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies
that
they will continue after recess.When they resume George says, "OK,
where
were we? Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a question?"

A different little boy puts up his hand . George points him out and
asks him
what his name is.
"Steve"

"And what is your question, Steve?"

"I have 5 questions.

First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?

Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?

Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?

Fourth, Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?!

And fifth, Where is "Bob"? !!

2006-11-26 05:55:15 · 19 answers · asked by geniuswithU 2

How can you leave a room with two legs and return with six legs?

2006-11-26 05:53:55 · 10 answers · asked by Gemini23 4

40 years ago, when there was conflict in west & east germany, a flight flying over berlin crashed and landed in the middle of both countries, in no-mans land. Where do you bury survivors?

2006-11-26 05:52:57 · 25 answers · asked by The Boss 2

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of my life, between the legs of my wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night"
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled
leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know,he's only been there twice
in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come ."

2006-11-26 05:45:52 · 23 answers · asked by Pd 6

New Bike
[Cat.: Relationships ] [a] [ Calif.: 7.39]


Little Leroy went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His Mother decided that he should take a look at himself and the way he acts. She said, "Well, Leroy, it isn't Christmas and we don't have the money to just go out and buy you anything you want. Why don't you write a letter to Jesus and pray for one instead?"

After Leroy threw a temper tantrum, his mother sent him to his room, where he finally sat down to write a letter to Jesus.

Dear Jesus, I've been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle. Your friend, Leroy.

Now, Leroy knew that Jesus really understood what kind of boy he was - a brat - so Leroy ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try.

Dear Jesus, I've been an OK boy this year, and I want a new bicycle. Yours truly, Leroy

Well, Leroy knew this wasn't totally honest either, so he tore it up and tried again.

2006-11-26 05:41:23 · 9 answers · asked by Gemini23 4

a baby seal walks into a club.


my friend told it to me

2006-11-26 05:40:59 · 10 answers · asked by sam 3

Drunk Term = Sober Translation)

I LOVE This Song! = I KNOW This Song!

Dude, all the chicks at this party are ugly = Dude, none of the chicks at this party will talk to me.

Man, I’m hungry = Man, if I don’t eat right now I am going to be puking all over this bar…again.

You’re really pretty = I’m going to be ashamed of it tomorrow but tonight is all about instant gratification, honey.

Want to watch a movie? = Want to come over to my room for some extremely creepy back rubbing and some equally disturbing neck-nibbling?

I’m soooo drunk = I’m planting a seed in your head that will eventually grow into a beautiful tree which excuses me from blame for my actions tonight.

I just, like, want to help animals, ya know? = I just, like, want to get in your pants, ya know?

You’re my best friend, man = You’re my only friend in arm’s reach right now and I need someone to pay for this shot, man.

I don’t want to ruin the friendship = You’re a nice girl but you’re very heavy

2006-11-26 05:37:35 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man was walking down the street one day when he tried to cross the road.

A big bus smashed him 10 feet in the air and he landed in a heap.

The bus driver ran over to him and sad " Are you ok ?"

The injured guy said "Want to buy a wardrope mate?

2006-11-26 05:36:03 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

This hillibily pairs that lived in alabama had 10 kids and did not want any more so they went to the doctor. The doctor told the husband to light a cherry bomb and put it in a beer bottle then put it up to his ear and count to ten. the hillbillies felt okay but wanted a second opinion so they went to a doctor, from the licence plate this doctor too understood that they are from Albama so he told them the same thing (i.e. the bomb in beer bottle). The hillbillies thought both doctor can't be wrong so they did what they said. the husband lit and placed the bomb in beer bottle; put it to his ear and started counting on his fingers.1...2...3...4...5 then he kept the bomb in between his legs and started cunting on his other hand. 6...7...8...9...10 boooooooommmmm!

2006-11-26 05:34:52 · 10 answers · asked by Pd 6

I'm looking for a few good joke for a get-together next week. The best and funniest joke will get best answer!

2006-11-26 05:31:58 · 22 answers · asked by woolyhed 2