Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

The cop got out of his car and the kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.

"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.

The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

2006-11-26 13:22:43 · 17 answers · asked by happyclown5769 2

1. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE/ CELL PHONE IS.
2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING OUR BUTT WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND!
3. WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S *** AND HONESTLY BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT TOO, BIATCH!!!!.
4. IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE JUST FOUR HOURS AGO.
5.WE START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH.
6. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAYS BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"
7. WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO US.
8. OUR EYES JUST DON'T SEEM TO WANT TO STAY OPEN ON THEIR OWN SO WE KEEP THEM HALF CLOSED AND THINK IT LOOKS EXOTICALLY SEXY.
9. WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT??

2006-11-26 13:19:37 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is it.. Rich people need it, poor people have it, it's greater than God, more evil than the devil, and if you eat it you will die ?

2006-11-26 13:18:21 · 15 answers · asked by sluggo1947 4

2006-11-26 13:16:41 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Moses, Jesus, and another guy were out playing golf one day.

Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.

Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It landed directly in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped it up onto the green.

The third guy got up and sort of randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into on-coming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there it bounced onto the roof of a nearby shack and rolled down into the gutter, down the downspout, out onto the fairway and right toward the same pond. On the way to the pond, it hit a little stone and bounced out over the water, onto a lily pad where it rested quietly. Suddenly, a very large bullfrog jumped up on the lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passes over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball, which bounced right into the hole for a beautiful hole in one.

Moses then turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your Dad."

2006-11-26 13:12:41 · 9 answers · asked by happyclown5769 2

A cowboy rides into a hotel on Sunday. Sleeps the night there and rides back out on Sunday.

How is this Possible? The cowboy only slept at the hotel 1 night.

Good luck

~God Bless

2006-11-26 13:11:50 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here, anyway?" he asked.

"This woman was found committing adultery, and the law says we should stone her!" one of the crowd responded.

"Wait," yelled Jesus. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

Suddenly, a stone was thrown from out of the sky, and knocked the woman on the side of her head.

"Aw, c'mon, Dad..." Jesus cried, "I'm trying to make a point here!"

2006-11-26 13:09:43 · 7 answers · asked by happyclown5769 2

a burgler broke into a mans house and herd a voice "jesus is watching you." he thought nothing of it. then when he went into the bedroom he herd it again "jesus is watching you." he looked around and saw a parrot. he asked the parrot "parrot are you saying this?" "he replyed "yes" the burgler asked "are you jesus" the parrot replyed"no im moses" so he asked the parrot "what kind of person would name you moses?" the parrot said "the same person that named the pitbull jesus"

2006-11-26 12:52:57 · 20 answers · asked by happyclown5769 2

Please look up this question and answer it! its so confusing! What do u do if the guy u like calls u peanut??

2006-11-26 12:48:25 · 11 answers · asked by Becky 1

2006-11-26 12:46:50 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have a tail, and I have a head, but i have no body. I am NOT a snake. What am I?

2006-11-26 12:41:30 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Warning, the content of this joke is dirty. If you are easily offended, go away.







































Hookers in [insert location] are like a box of chocolates- some have cherries, and some have nuts!

So, there it is. I just thought of that like 2 minutes ago. What do you think? (Or, if you've heard it somewhere before, send me a link to it on the web!)

2006-11-26 12:31:50 · 21 answers · asked by Canadian Bacon 3

2006-11-26 12:26:17 · 2 answers · asked by rebelcolt456 1

Dear Husband:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a br and new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!


Your EX-Wife

2006-11-26 12:21:31 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

One day a son woke up his parents scared half to death. His mother asked him what was wrong and he said that he had a dream that grandma died and it scared him. His mother reassured him that nothing was going to happen and he went back to bed. Well 2 days later his grandmother died. His parents just thought it was a coincidence and went on. About a week later the little boy came in and said that he had a dream his grandfather died his mother again reassured him and he went back to bed. Well 2 days later his grandfather died. This started to worry his parents. The next week he came in and told his parents that he dreamed his daddy was going to die. This sent the father into a frenzy because his dreams had came true the other times. Well two weeks went by and nothing happened so the boys father felt more at ease he went out the door that morning and found the milkman dead as a door nail

2006-11-26 12:15:28 · 5 answers · asked by Melisa H 2

Well recently, me, my cousion, my cousions mom, and my mom where talking. And we brought up the subject global {sp} warming. Out of no where my cousions mom was like " Its not global warming its global warning" Lol so we had to prove it to her that its global WARMING..lol.. do u think that this is funny? by the way shes 35 years old

2006-11-26 12:03:01 · 13 answers · asked by ? 4

There's this one riddle that i can't figure out yet, its this one below.
"Speak my name, and i disappear". What does that mean?.

2006-11-26 12:01:42 · 10 answers · asked by Hadassah R 2

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?

2006-11-26 11:55:31 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hope you like this joke

There was a chinese guy and his parrot going to a resterant, Olive garden to be exzact, and all the parrot heard was"tastes like chicken,"
Then they heard "forks spoons and knives"Then they ate dinner and went home.
They were watching tv and came across a commercial. It said" plug it in plug it in" The FBI came to the door saying, "Did you murder this woman?" Tastes like chicken" said the parrot" Shush!! Said the chinese guy. "What did you use to kill her?"Forks spoons and knives" Said the parrot SHUTUP! said the guy
"ok for your punishment, we are going to put you in an electric chair." then the parroit said"PLUG IT IN PLUG IT IN!!"

2006-11-26 11:55:29 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Finish the joke...

Don't google it, make up your own and BE FUNNY!!!

2006-11-26 11:51:36 · 32 answers · asked by George D 4

the first person to tell me what this is from ill give them the best answer heres the saying------Are we alone, can you feel it? So lost and disillusioned.

2006-11-26 11:46:55 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

tell me which ones you like
1Yo mama is so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner - so she went looking for it
2What did the blonde call her pet zebra?Spot
3At school,a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret,and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying,I know the whole truth,even when you don't know anything.The boy decides to go home and try it out.As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says"I know the whole truth.”His motherquickly hands him $20 and says“Just don't tell your father"Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work and greets him with“I know the whole truth”The father hands him $40 and says“Please don't say a word to your mother"he sees the mail man and says the same thing,“I know the whole truth.” The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, “Then come give your FATHER a big hug!!!!!
I really hope you like em! Just rate each one like 1, 9/10

2006-11-26 11:46:06 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, " He is so sweet and gentlemanly, he would never go for this carrying on." So she made the supreme sacrifice, and gave up the beans. Some months later, her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

2006-11-26 11:35:44 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-26 11:32:17 · 14 answers · asked by chino 1

Its a riddle and a trick answer. Trust me the answer is not swimming.

2006-11-26 11:30:07 · 7 answers · asked by lvguy006 1

8 straight days of bl.ow jo.bs.


Hanukkah Lewinsky..

2006-11-26 11:26:50 · 19 answers · asked by chris w. 7

2006-11-26 11:18:41 · 10 answers · asked by Minina 2

2006-11-26 11:16:50 · 7 answers · asked by Minina 2

2006-11-26 11:16:29 · 4 answers · asked by Minina 2

2 sperms were talking
and one said to the other, " Is it far to the ovary's"

"relax we havn't passed the tonsils yet."...

2006-11-26 11:13:00 · 20 answers · asked by chris w. 7