Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

First Question:

Y ou are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

Third Question:

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 . Add another 1000. Now add 20 . Now add another 1000. Now add 10 . What is the total?

Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Okay, now the bonus round:

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

2006-11-26 16:12:23 · 17 answers · asked by yzyf 2

A little boy sits on Santa's lap. Santa says "I bet I know
what you want for Christmas," and with his finger he taps the
boys nose with every letter he spells "T-O-Y-S".

The little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have enough
toys."

Santa replies once again tapping the boys nose with every
letter, "C-A-N-D-Y."

Again the little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have
all kinds of candy."

"Well what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks.

The little boy replies, tapping Santa on the nose,
"P-U-S-S-Y, and don't tell me you don't have any because I
can smell it on your finger!"

2006-11-26 16:10:48 · 10 answers · asked by ? 5

"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes,
and I can't remember the other two... " - Sir Norman Wisdom

"One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman
that even a bargain costs money." - Edgar Watson Howe

"A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your
success! " - Doug Larson

"A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie!" - Eric Bolton

"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I
realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked
him to forgive me." - Erno Philips

"I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. " - Robert Paul

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching
them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and
shut up." - Phyllis Diller

"Laughter is the closest distance between two people." - Victor Borge

"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else." - Will

2006-11-26 16:06:40 · 6 answers · asked by yzyf 2

Whats greater than god,
more evil than the devil,
the poor have it
and the rich want it

2006-11-26 16:03:57 · 24 answers · asked by ambyrrox 2

Two guys in a factory frequently make bets with each other to pass the time. One guy is quite a bit smaller than the other and usualy loses the bets, which have to do with strength usualy. One day the little guy tells the big guy, " I bet you $100 you can't move the exact same load, in this wheel barrow, that I can. You have to move it at least 30 feet. The little guy walks away $100 easy money. How did he do it?

2006-11-26 16:03:44 · 11 answers · asked by aprilsdad97 2

During one of her daily classes a
teacher trying to teach good manners,asked her students the following
question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having
dinner with a nice young lady,how would you tell her that you have to go
to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute I have to
go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That
would be rude and impolite.

What about you Peter, how would you say
it?" Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very
nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your
brain for once and show us your good manners?"

I would say: "Darling, may I please be
excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of
mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

2006-11-26 16:02:11 · 7 answers · asked by yzyf 2

2006-11-26 16:01:44 · 14 answers · asked by Jeffery E 1

Add A to me and I become an Emperor
Add B to me and I can be Brackets
Add C to me and I am rare
A Holy and Divine D by me
Ah..and an E will add wrinkles to your face

Well, when I'm alone
Yet, Im not alone
Im flexible enough to
transform into many other forms
I can be competitive, considerate
I can fill you with fear
Or leave you with plenty space



Note: The answer is a word

2006-11-26 15:58:14 · 5 answers · asked by Sleepy 2

2006-11-26 15:57:26 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

their names are..Winter,Spring,Summer and_________?

2006-11-26 15:57:00 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven
Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to
him, and
asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and
says, "You
Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get outta here." The
astonished
Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl
Harbor,
it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the
same,"
replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and
says,
"You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked,
Spielberg
replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese
replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

2006-11-26 15:33:49 · 15 answers · asked by lilmisslouievuitton 2

this is part of a collection called
Famous last words.
it consists of one sentence to deliver the setting as well as the punchline. some of them fall within the cliche category, like what you would expect a character in a movie to say just before he dies.
what are some of your own?

2006-11-26 15:33:38 · 6 answers · asked by Kuraimizu 3

2006-11-26 15:10:25 · 19 answers · asked by Jyothir G 1

take a guess.

2006-11-26 15:00:40 · 17 answers · asked by Sam 2

2006-11-26 14:48:58 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-26 14:34:40 · 8 answers · asked by FUKK THE HATERZ iTz LAYZiE! 1

there's an outhouse at the top of the hill
one guy running up the hill to use it
and another guy walking down the hill after having just used it
what nationalities are they?

2006-11-26 14:30:28 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Will you Finnish before it gets Chile?

2006-11-26 14:26:41 · 19 answers · asked by chris 2

An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his
neighborhood bar and ordered a drink. The bartender thought he
looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong. "I'm scared
out of my mind," the stud replied. "Some p***ed-off husband
wrote to me and said he'd kill me if I didn't stop f***ing his
wife." "So stop," the barkeep said. "I can't," the womanizer
replied, taking a long swill. "The pr*** didn't sign his name!"

2006-11-26 14:24:04 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-26 14:18:06 · 14 answers · asked by a friend 1

where ru Buccaneers? The kid replies here r my Buccaneers (pulling on his ears) where ru Buccaneers eyes.

2006-11-26 14:09:03 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

In class after lunch one day. My friend sat down at his desk then he said "look i got an orange" and without thinking i said " Aren't you glad i didn't say banana?!" then the whole class and me started to laugh. i don't know why i said that but it was funny. lol

2006-11-26 14:06:34 · 15 answers · asked by Roxie 2

He hid in the doghouse with the dolberman, woke it up, then it started barking, chewing the boy up several times, the boy was stuck inside screaming in pain....

2006-11-26 13:59:42 · 9 answers · asked by strange-artist 7

ADD A RIDDLE LET US COME UP WITH A GOOD RIDDLE BY ADDING TO WHAT THE LAST PERSON WROTE.

2006-11-26 13:57:42 · 8 answers · asked by abbyrose 3

ADD A RIDDLE LET US COME UP WITH A GOOD RIDDLE BY ADDING TO WHAT THE LAST PERSON WROTE.

2006-11-26 13:57:19 · 5 answers · asked by abbyrose 3

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

2006-11-26 13:52:24 · 4 answers · asked by Ruthie1959 6

alright i challenge every one of you reading this if there is someone else at home test this joke out now and then post the results of what they thought of it.

"knock knock"
"whos there"
"interrupting cow"
and then right in the middle of when they are saying "interrupting cow, who?" you say "moo!"

hahah its hilarious

2006-11-26 13:48:50 · 15 answers · asked by Val 3

There is a king.He has a prisoner and the king gave him a choise he said"prisoner if you say any thing true I will chop your head off;and if you say any thing thats a lie I will hang you".The prisoner does not want any of these punishments,so what will the prisoner say to save himself from either of these punishments

2006-11-26 13:35:24 · 27 answers · asked by harshabandi 1

A state trooper pulls over a car on a lonely back road and approaches the driver. "Sir, is there a reason you're weaving all over the road?"

The driver replies, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident. I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"

Reaching through the side window to the rearview mirror, the officer says, "mam, that's your air freshener."

2006-11-26 13:35:09 · 10 answers · asked by happyclown5769 2

Have you ever given or received a birthday spanking?

Who in your family/friends usually gave them, or did you give them too?

Any pinches to grow an inch? haha
Etc....

2006-11-26 13:26:20 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous