Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

TWO MARRIED BUDDIES ARE OUT DRINKING ONE NIGHT,WHEN ONE TURNS TO THE OTHER AND SAYS, YOU KNOW, I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.WHENEVER I GO HOME AFTER WEVE BEEN OUT DRINKING I TURN THE HEADLIGHTS
OFF, BEFORE IGET TO THE DRIVEWAY,I SHUTT OF THE ENGINE AND COAST INTO THE GARAGE.. I TAKE OF MY SHOES BEFORE I GO IN THE HOUSE, I SNEAK UP THE STAIURS , I GET UNDRESSED IN THE BATHROOM, IEASE INTO BED AND MY WIFE STILL WAKES UP AND YELLS OUT ME OR STAYING OUT SO LATE!! ......... HIS BUDDY LOOKS AT HIM AND SAYS , WELL YOUR OBVIOUSLY TAKING THE WRONG APPROACH, I SCREECH INTO THE DRIVEWAY,,SLAM THE DOOR,STORM UP THE STEPS, THROW MY SHOES IN THE CLOSET, JUMP INTO BED, RUBB MY HANDS ON MY WIFES ***, AND SAY,, HOW ABOUT A ********??..... AND SHES ALWAYS SOUND ASLEEP....

2006-10-30 10:44:43 · 40 answers · asked by madmarie35 3

Test your mouse skills with this test!

2006-10-30 10:41:18 · 13 answers · asked by ? 3

2006-10-30 10:34:39 · 6 answers · asked by The High Flying Freedom Frie 3

Coz he was meetin potato

2006-10-30 10:32:44 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-30 10:31:27 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

Paddy and Mick go to a pub for a drink and see a sign saying, "Buy a double whiskey and get a chance of free sex." They both buy a double then ask the barman how to get the sex.
"It's simple," the barman says... "I think of a number between one and ten, and if you can guess what it is, you get laid."
"Okay," says Paddy, "I'll guess three."
"Sorry," says the barman, "You're out of luck."
Next day the pair return and again, Paddy tries his luck at the free sex quiz...he guesses four.
"Sorry," says the barman. "Better luck next time."
Next day the pair come back and Paddy guesses, two.
"Sorry," says the barman. "Wrong again."
Paddy turns to Mick and says, "Ya" know I'm beginning to think this contest is rigged."
"Oh no," says Mick. "My wife tried it last week and she won three times." :)

2006-10-30 10:26:01 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

hello,
I have been dared by one of my freinds to ask a guy that is a bodybuilder and flexes on webcam a series of questions. I have no idea what to ask him. She wants me to ask him to do some differnent things on webcam that accentuate his muscles. I have no idea what to ask him, can someone please help me by giving me some questions that i can ask him, and talk to him about?

2006-10-30 10:23:10 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why is it that everyone on here takes "racist jokes, dirty jokes, etc." so seriously? Or they will ask "what was the question" Or something stupid like that. One we're in the Jokes & Riddles section so what do you expect? Two they're called JOKES for a reason. I can get if you don't think its funny but I don't get why you are offended. Most of the people warn you if its racist or say its just a joke or something along those lines before they tell the joke. The definition of joke in the New Websters Dictionary and Thesaurs is an action, saying, or circumstances which causes or is intend to cause laughter or amusement; something to be treated lightly as not important with humor. Its not suppose to be taken serisously!! Geez, all you people need to chill, serisously! Or just get off this section. I don't mean to be rude or take up space in this section but I think people need to know.

If you have something bad to say about me or what I'm saying, heres a quarter, call someone who cares

2006-10-30 10:21:42 · 13 answers · asked by Shorty 4

One decided she would be known as the owl, for being wise, the other decided she would be the eagle coz she is sharp and they decided I would be the thrush...................coz I am an irratinting c**t!

2006-10-30 10:20:25 · 20 answers · asked by Welshchick 7

Answer: The Borussia Monchengladbach supporter who starts singing "give us a B, give us anO"

2006-10-30 10:17:33 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

Because I dont get ANY dumb blond jokes WHAT-SO-EVERR!! It drives me nuts.

P.S. I AM blond.

2006-10-30 10:12:14 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-30 10:08:51 · 10 answers · asked by waygook 3

rape........

2006-10-30 10:04:38 · 46 answers · asked by Happyworms 4

a teacher tried to teach her class that humans are the only ones living that stutter. a little girl raises her hand and says "that's not true!! my cat stutters!" the teacher knew how child stories can be amuzing, so she asked the girl to explain. she said, "well, i was out back with my new kitten and the dog next door saw us.... he backed up and came leaping over the fence!" the teacher says, "oh, that must have been scary" the girls say, "oh, it was! all my cat could do was stick up her back and started saying fff... fff.. and before she could say FU** the dog ate her!!"

2006-10-30 10:03:15 · 9 answers · asked by innocentkitty214 3

He doesn't bring her any more raisins in.
He told her "Coz my rabbit died Miss"

2006-10-30 09:56:24 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

Gunners meets up with a girl at a bar and they end up at her place. After a night of torrid sex Gunners wakes up the next morning and starts to get dressed. As he's doing so, he notices a picture of a man on the dresser. The man looks very young and fit and Gunners starts to worry that he might be a jealous boyfriend or husband. The girl is waking up, so Gunners says to her, "Excuse me, but who's that a picture of? It's not your husband is it?".
"Oh no," replies the girl. "That was me before the operation."

2006-10-30 09:55:44 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

I eyed up God's missus,
I took her out to lunch,
We made love on a sandy beach,
I'd bought along a chocolate swiss roll,
We had half each,
I looked at the sky,
It was heavier than it had ever been,
I looked at God's missus,
She was the horniest I had ever seen...erm, her,
Bud bud ding ding two-ninety nine,
We had a roast chicken dinner and a glass or white wine,
She chewed my lip,
I took offence,
I left her there in the heat and the stench.

2006-10-30 09:51:30 · 6 answers · asked by tjyf j 1

2006-10-30 09:40:33 · 19 answers · asked by cute_and_chillin 1

2006-10-30 09:25:09 · 18 answers · asked by alanc_59 5

if u can sue mac donalds for making u fat,
and u can sue ciggarette companies for giving u cancer.
so why can u sue smirrmoff for all the ugly bastards uve shagged??

2006-10-30 09:24:45 · 20 answers · asked by JACQUELINE D 2

2006-10-30 09:23:02 · 45 answers · asked by Anonymous

punchlines only please

2006-10-30 09:21:57 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. "I can see your point, but I still think your full of ****."
2. " I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."
3. "How about never? Is never good for you?"
4. "I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter."
5. "It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damned thing your saying."
6. "Ahhh.... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again."
7. "You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers."
8. "And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be........?"
9. "I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary."
10. "Who lit the fuse on your tampon?"
11. Nice perfume, must you marinate in it?"
12. "If I throw a stick, will you leave?
13. "Sarcasm is just one more service offer."
14. "Errors have been made, others will be blamed."
15. "Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done."
16. "Oh I get it..... like humor..... but different!"
17. "Whatever look you were going for, you missed."

2006-10-30 09:14:09 · 16 answers · asked by pooterosa 5

A woman is standing in her front garden talking to her friend when she notices her husband coming home carrying a bunch of flowers. Her friend says, "Isn't that nice. He's bringing you a bouquet!"
The woman replies, "Yeah, great. That means another weekend flat on my back with my feet up in the air".
The friend says, "What's the matter? Don't you have a vase?"

2006-10-30 09:13:21 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-30 09:08:54 · 10 answers · asked by cuteblacklabs 2

2 flees on a womans fanny, one's a robber, the other a drug addict.
How do you tell which one is which??
One's hiding in the bush the other's sniffing the crack.
Thankyou and good-night!!

2006-10-30 09:08:21 · 22 answers · asked by jennijan 4

Two teenage boys go to confession.....
In the booth the first boy admits having sex with a girl but refuses to name her.
The priest asks, "It wasn't Mary Jones, was it?"
The boy says, "No Father, it wasn't"
The priest asks, "Was it Angela Brown?"
The boy replies, "No Father it wasn't"
The priest asks, "It wasn't Jane Carter, by any chance?"
The boy says, "No Father it wasn't"
The priest gives up and says, "Well, for your penance say fifty Hail Marys and leave half your pocket money in the poor box."
When the boy leaves, his friend asks him how it went.
The boy replies, "Not bad, a £5 fine and three great leads." :)

2006-10-30 09:06:41 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

their black and white and little boys turn them on

2006-10-30 09:06:23 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

There are two guys sitting at a bar, one turns to the other and says: "I f*cked your mom."
The bar goes silent and everyone looks at the two men.
Once again the first guy says: "I f*cked your mom."
The second man turns to the first and replies: "Shut up dad, you're drunk."

2006-10-30 08:58:25 · 12 answers · asked by Inferno13 6

A man picks up a gorgeous woman at a bar and they go back to her place. The man is surprised to see how many teddy bears and stuffed toys the woman has at her apartment - every surface is piled high with them. After a night of passion the man rolls over and says, "So. How was I?"
The woman replies, "Take any prize from the bottom shelf." :)

2006-10-30 08:58:03 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous