Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

3 GUYS WALK INTO HOLIDAY INN. THEY WANT TO RENT A ROOM THE CLERK IS NOT THERE, SO THE BELL BOY RENTS THEM THE ROOM FOR $30. EACH GUY GIVES HIM $10.
WHEN THE CLERK GETS BACK HE TELLS THE BELL BOY THAT THE ROOMS ARE ONLY $25. HE GIVES HIM $5 BACK AND TELLS HIM TO RETURN IT TO THE THREE GUYS.
ON HIS WAY UP THE BELL BOYS THINKS HOW AM I GOING TO DIVIDE $5 IN BETWEEN THREE GUYS. HE KEEPS $2 GIVES EACH ONE OF THE GUYS $1. SO AT THE END THEY EACH PAY $9 FOR THE ROOM (9X3 = 27) PLUS THE $2 THAT THE BELL BOY KEPT IS $29 WHERE DID THE OTHER $1 GO?

2006-10-30 14:50:51 · 9 answers · asked by David C 1

Find a penny and pick it up alll the day you will have good luck

2006-10-30 14:49:34 · 20 answers · asked by colin050659 6

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was
asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.

"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of
you."

"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You
undress and tell me when you're through."

In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor,
I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"

"Put them on the chair, on top of mine."

2006-10-30 14:26:57 · 21 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

2006-10-30 14:16:06 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-30 14:09:57 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you found a wallet full of money and credit cards returned it to the owner and all he did was shut the door in you face

2006-10-30 13:58:21 · 24 answers · asked by colin050659 6

A young bride was scouring the aisles of the supermarket. Up and down each aisle she went, then started over again. The store manager noticed this and went over to her.

"Can I help you find something, miss?" he asked.

"I's Mrs.!", she said proudly, "I just got married."

"Congratulations, " said the manager. "What can I help you find?" "Scratch," she replied.

"Scratch?" he asked, "Is that a new cleanser or something?"

"No silly," she replied brightly. "My husband told me that his mother made everything from scratch, so I need to find some!"

2006-10-30 13:41:48 · 13 answers · asked by Ruthie1959 6

The World's Hardest Riddle



I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?

2006-10-30 13:36:23 · 12 answers · asked by Bizzy 3

girls home alone because her parents are at a relative's funeral in another state & wont be back 4 a few days. th girl is watching tv (its nighttime) and the power goes out. she stumbles around looking for a flashlight 4 a while and remembers it was in the closet in the hallway. she approachs the closet and then she hears to bangs on the closet door. she steps back a little and stands still, frozen. two more bangs, louder. she is still frozen still. she hears 2 more bangs and then the squeak of a door opening. the power comes on and she notices th closet door is open. she aproaches the closet door and pears in...

2006-10-30 13:20:46 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

This lady goes to the gynecologist but won't tell the receptionist what's wrong with her, just that she must see a doctor. After hours of waiting the doctor sees her in. Ok my good woman what is your problem the doctor asks. Well, she says, my husband is a very compulsive gambler and every nickel he can get his hands on he gambles. So I had five hundred dollars and I stuffed it in my vagina but now I can't get it out. The doctor says, don't be nervous I see this happen all the time. He asks her to pull down her underwear sits her down with her legs wide open puts his gloves on and says: I only have one question. What am I looking for? Bills or loose change. Yahoo UK & Ireland loves these stories
☺

2006-10-30 12:53:23 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man Leaves Home and starts running, he keeps running till he makes a left, runs some more and makes another left, and runs even more and makes another left. When he gets back home he is approached by two men in masks. Who are they?

2006-10-30 12:49:51 · 18 answers · asked by rydoggg22 2

One day as a man was riding in a taxi, he reached up to tap, the old man who was driving, on the shoulder and ask how much longer it would be....

The man swerved off the road and barely missed a light pole as he came to a stop...

"I'm sorry" said the man in the back seat..."I didn't mean to scare you"

"It's not your fault" said the old man "i'm juss not use to people tapping me, u see i've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years!"

2006-10-30 12:38:18 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

what magician chriss angel is reported to be using to walk above the ground in the air and make people and elephants disappear.

2006-10-30 12:36:51 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

JOKE ( Halloween) :

On TV a report has been made ; " LOST BOY , LAST SEEN PICKING HIS NOSE AT 5 STAR HOTEL "

" o my gosh! " Yelled a lady... She went to investigate.

she enters...really quietly, then she hears,
" IF ONLY I CAN FIND YOU, I WILL EAT YOU! " Its sounds like a little kid singing.

She packed her bags and ran...

Then a guy comes and heard the report.. "WOWIE WOW WOW! " he yelled. Ihe went to investigate.

Then he hears the SAME thing exept ,
" You are to far, come closer to me! I will eat you! "

He hurried and left.

Then there came the little boy all brave! " IM NOT SCARED! IM NOT SCARED! " He yelled. And almost woke up everybody in the hotel ( pffft! )

He heard the voice , " To steps to left, and open the door! You will find the missing lil thing..." The boy looked everywhere...And it seemed like it came from the closet...

CREEK CREEK! Did the door...And there was the kid , the missing kid, picking his nose,
LOL!

2006-10-30 12:27:42 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-30 12:23:53 · 15 answers · asked by r any 1

Yup, It runs in your genes (jeans)

2006-10-30 12:23:49 · 3 answers · asked by George Curious 3

How do you learn to be funny? for example, what are the keys to telling a joke?
How do you learn to tell a joke?

2006-10-30 12:21:07 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

An American, a Japanese and a Irishman are sitting around in a sauna when suddenly a beeping sound is heard,the American says, oh that for me I have a micro chip in my hand, minute's later another beeping sound is heard and the Japanese man says, oh thats for me i have a micro chip in my ear, the Irishman not to be outdone excuses himself to go to the bathroom, when he returns there is a long piece of toilet paper trailing from his backside,wow he says, look at dat I just received a Fax.

2006-10-30 12:16:42 · 10 answers · asked by glasgow girl 6

2006-10-30 12:16:37 · 7 answers · asked by kate <3 1

I can't be bothered to work it out as i'm too tired lol

2006-10-30 12:00:11 · 21 answers · asked by maidenrocks 3

> >> >> > >Test for Dementia
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >"It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test."
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles.
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >The saying; "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies
> >> >> > >to the brain, so
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of
> >> >> intelligence.
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > > So, take the following test presented here and determine if you
> >> >> > >are losing it or are still "with it,"
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you have
> >> >> > >made
> >> >> your
> >> >> > >answer.
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > > OK, relax, clear your mind and ... begin.
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >WELL MAYBE NOT THAT CLEAR!
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > > 1. What do you put in a toaster
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > > Answer: "bread."
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else.
> >> >> > >Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > > 2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >Answer: Cows drink water.
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >If you said "milk," please do not
> >> >> > >attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed
> >> >> > >and
> >> > may
> >> >> > >even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with
> >> >> > >reading something more appropriate such as Children's World. If
> >> >> > >you said
> >> > "water"
> >> >> > >then proceed to question 3.
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made
> >> >> > >from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a
> >> >> > >black house
> >> >> is
> >> >> > >made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > > Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >If you said "green
> >> >> > >bricks," what the devil are you still doing here reading these
> >> >> > >questions?????
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >If you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet
> >> >> > >over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was
> >> >> > >politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.) Anyway,
> >> >> > >during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing
> >> >> > >that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash
> >> >> > >landing procedure.
> >> >> > >Unfortunately the engine
> >> >> > >fails before he has time and the plane fatally crashes smack in
> >> >> > >the
> >> >> middle
> >> >> > >of "no man 's land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where
> >> >> > >would you bury the survivors? East Germany or West Germany or in
> >> >> > >"no man's land"?
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors.
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER
> >> >> > >try
> >> > to
> >> >> > >rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be
> >> >> > >appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors", then proceed
> >> >> > >to
> >> > the
> >> >> > >next question.
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > > 5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London
> >> >> > >to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In
> >> >> > >Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In
> >> >> > >Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people
> >> >> > >get off and
> >> > 16
> >> >> > >people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people
> >> >> > >get on
> >> > In
> >> >> > >Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at
> >> >> Milford
> >> >> > >Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >
> >> >> > >Now pass this along to all your "smart friends" and hope they do
> >> >> > >better than you did.

2006-10-30 11:52:34 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Back in mid October of 1987? (approximated year guess), I was at a mall & seen a
"temporary store" that was selling October 31 costumes & highly priced! I left the room, got a Dr Pepper (my favorite soft drink), then I returned! (1PM or 2PM Hour)
In the door entrance, I IMITATE DICK VAN DYKE JUST LIKE IMITATED BORIS KARLOFF & created this line practiced it once & then said "GOOD AFTERNOON, COME OVER AND BE MY LUNCH!" (Then done a hysterical laugh).
As soon as I said it, a customer asked me to repeat the line & I did. Ten minutes later, I said it again & the hysterical laugh!
After saying it the 3rd time, I immmediately "hid" and then loitered in a Radio Shack store, (to keep from being caught in my act & possibly being arrested) for 15 minutes, atleast. I watched the door, while there, I did not see a policeman, FORTUNATELY! Within the next hour, I left the mall & the day was humorous to me, I quietly laughed at my prank for the rest of that day! NITROUS OXIDE! "LAUGHING GAS!"

2006-10-30 11:51:37 · 3 answers · asked by Math_Maestro 7

The plumber says:
'As I went out one moonlit night,
I saw a thing that made me fright.
I hit it hard with heavy blows,
Till it bled gallons at the nose.'

2006-10-30 11:47:58 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-30 11:38:47 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.


"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"



He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

2006-10-30 11:15:52 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man sitting in a bar asks the bartender, "hey what's that huge jar of change for?" the bartender replies "oh that's for anyone who can pass a certain test" so the man asks what it involves and the bartender says "first you have to drink 3 pitchers of beer and go into this first room where there is a pit bull with one bad tooth that you have to pull out then you have to go in this next room and make love to this 80 year old woman" So the guy figures what the heck, so he downs the 3 pitchers of beer goes into first room with the pit bull, the door closes there's growling, biting, scratching yelling and mayhem going in in there. The guy finally comes out with his clothes all ripped to shreds and cuts all over his body and he asks the bartender, "ok now where's the old lady with the bad tooth?"

2006-10-30 11:13:49 · 21 answers · asked by Jeremy 4

i like to ask these but i cant think of any good ones Can anyone help?*im still in school nothing TOO nasty*

2006-10-30 11:06:28 · 10 answers · asked by Hannah HaYwIrE!?1♥ 3

One day a poor farmer doesn't have anything to give his son for his birthday. So he gives his only son a duck because that's all he had and tells him to go into town to see what he can get for it. The first person he sees is a hooker, he goes up to her and says says "its my birthday and all I have is this duck" she replied that she felt so sentimental about birthday's so they had sex. She was so impressed by him that she offered to let him keep the duck if they could have sex again, so he agreed. On the way home the duck suddenly flew out of the boys arms and gets hit by a beer truck and the driver feels bad for the kid so he gives him 2 dollars. When the kid got home his dad asked "well how'd you make out?" he replied "well I got a duck for a ****, a **** for a duck and 2 bucks for a ****** up duck."

2006-10-30 10:54:38 · 31 answers · asked by Jeremy 4

If you don’t know how to do something ??!

2006-10-30 10:54:09 · 21 answers · asked by ® Espresso ® 4

Two engineering students meet on campus one day. The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey nice bike! Where did you get it?" "Well," replies the other, "I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says 'You can have anything you want!'" "Good choice," says the first, "her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway."

2006-10-30 10:48:34 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous