Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

2006-09-08 04:35:51 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-08 04:16:05 · 5 answers · asked by derfek2005 1

My friend was really late for her appointment with the gynaecologist and although she always made a special effort over hygiene when making such visits, this time she really had to cut corners. She grabbed the washcloth beside the sink and gave herself a hurried clean and put the cloth into the washing machine and sped off hoping not to be late -- she made it just in time and was taken straight in. She knew the procedure, jumped on the table with legs apart and pretended she was in Paris or anywhere. She was surprised when the doc commented that she had really made a special effort --thought nothing more about it and was just happy that her session had finished.
When she got home her 6 year old daughter was in tears and cried "mummy, where's my washcloth?"
She told her daughter not to worry --just get a clean one from the cupboard.

No, No cried her daughter -- I need the one I left by the sink -- it had all my sparkles & glitter saved inside it !!!

2006-09-08 04:13:10 · 18 answers · asked by surdy 2

A little something I found in my bathroom book..Readers Digest!
(opps sorry...TMI!") hehe

Here goes....

"I feel sorry for this soldier, " joked my husband as he handed me a flier he'd found in our mailbox.
It read:
Lost Cat
Black and White
Answers to "Nate"
Belongs to a soldier
recently neautered.....

Welp....there's my funny from off the pot!
oops..TMI again!

Well....you know what to do?

Sharin' my smiles...
and have a great weekend ya'll
SmileyCat : )

2006-09-08 04:10:03 · 6 answers · asked by SmileyCat : ) 4

a peasent farmer is conicted in china he gets the death penalty the judge allows him to say a last sentance in order to determine the way the penalty will be carried outif the peasent lies he will be hanged if he speaks the truthhe will be beheaded the peasent speaks a last sentence and to everybody surprise some minutes later he is set free because the judge cannot determine his penalty. what did the peasent say???

2006-09-08 04:03:17 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room where the doctor started to examine the baby. He looked concerned when he checked the baby's weight and asked the woman if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.
"Breast fed" she replied.
"Please strip down to the waist" the doctor ordered.
The woman did as requested and the doctor started to examine her breasts.
He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded and rubbed both breasts in a detailed examination.
Finally, he motioned for her to get dressed.
"I am not surprised that this baby is so underweight. You don't have any milk".
"I know" replied the woman. "I am the child's grandma, ---- but I'm really glad I came over"

2006-09-08 04:00:03 · 19 answers · asked by surdy 2

2006-09-08 03:59:05 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-08 03:55:29 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-08 03:19:17 · 41 answers · asked by weekend_mode 1

My head and tail both equal are,
My middle slender as a bee.
Whether I stand on head or heel
Is quite the same to you or me.
But if my head should be cut off,
The matter's true, though passing strange,
Directly I to nothing change.
What Am I ?

2006-09-08 03:10:01 · 14 answers · asked by jfmm 7

Little David went on a class trip to see a working farm. When he came home his Mother asked if he had enjoyed it.
"Yes, it was great. We saw sheep, horses, goats, and some fine f****rs"!
"Mercy"! exclaimed his Mother, " I know what sheep and the rest are, but what is a fine f****r"?!
Little David replied, "Oh, they're the animals that give us milk".
"Well, who said they were called, er, um, f****rs"?
David answered, "That was our teacher. She actually said they were "fine effers", but we all knew what she really meant"!

2006-09-08 03:03:52 · 13 answers · asked by jfmm 7

2006-09-08 02:57:03 · 8 answers · asked by martin m 2

2006-09-08 02:51:24 · 25 answers · asked by martin m 2

mine is jesus-tiitty fuking christ!

2006-09-08 02:47:37 · 6 answers · asked by vetkin 1

a bear is rolling down the hill with acceleration of 2 m/s wat would be the colour of the bear

2006-09-08 02:40:57 · 7 answers · asked by brock_033 1

It was a hot day in Minnesota.
Helga hung the wash out to dry, put a roast in the oven, and then went downtown to pick up the dry cleaning.
"Gootness, It's hotter dan heck today", she mused to herself as she walked down Main Street. She passed a tavern and thought, "Vy Nodt"?
So she walked in and took a seat at the bar. The bartender came over and asked her what she would like to drink. "Ya know", Helga said, "It is zo hot, I tink I'll have myself a cold beer".
"Anheuser Busch"? the bartender asked.
Helga blushed, and replied, "Er.... uh... Vell fine, tanks, und how's yur viener"?

2006-09-08 02:38:41 · 5 answers · asked by jfmm 7

puzzle

2006-09-08 02:38:22 · 4 answers · asked by davis d 1

2006-09-08 02:37:55 · 28 answers · asked by kelly r 2

Its really funny - you type in sentence and computer reads it back -

2006-09-08 02:27:45 · 5 answers · asked by moo 2

i just gave my colleague at work the number for Chester Zoo and asked him to ring Mr.Lyon and of course he rang it !!! retard

2006-09-08 02:20:23 · 23 answers · asked by rileys_lad 1

2006-09-08 02:00:04 · 19 answers · asked by norbertthefat 2

Not a difficult question, answer at your own imagination

2006-09-08 01:58:57 · 21 answers · asked by martin m 2

anybody know any good jokes

2006-09-08 01:54:07 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Nearly everyone makes it in, but not many make it out.

Can you guess?

2006-09-08 01:52:48 · 19 answers · asked by ...o(_insert witty comment_) 3

I am looking for the shy ones to answer this... its a bit of fun!! dont be shamed of it.. let your hair down.. I want some graphic details of the smell like you were describing a nice wine

2006-09-08 01:45:40 · 17 answers · asked by martin m 2

Not really found anyone with real humor these days on the internet

Ia there anyone with the funniest story ever bound to get me rolling on the floor?

2006-09-08 01:04:56 · 20 answers · asked by martin m 2

2006-09-08 01:03:23 · 13 answers · asked by abnick 1

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."

2006-09-08 00:57:04 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

left to left to left right left
my back to straight
my pants to tight
my booty shakes from left to right
um ongowa i got the soul power

2006-09-08 00:49:48 · 7 answers · asked by ? 4

I have got nearly the whole set.....

2006-09-08 00:42:56 · 12 answers · asked by oldbutwise 2