Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

three men book into a hotel it cost £30 so they pay £10 each and go to there room, a bit later the proprietor realises he has overcharged by £5 he gives the excess to the bellboy to give to the customers. On the way to the room the bell boy tries to work out how to split it equally between three people giving up he takes £2 for himself and gives the men £1 each back this means that the customers have now paid £9 each, 3x9=27 the bell boy kept £2, 27+2=29 where did the other £1 go?

2006-09-08 00:04:17 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-07 23:57:25 · 6 answers · asked by captianameriscape 1

2006-09-07 23:53:55 · 5 answers · asked by captianameriscape 1

2006-09-07 23:52:13 · 13 answers · asked by captianameriscape 1

2006-09-07 23:48:23 · 27 answers · asked by sheetal r 1

2006-09-07 23:47:20 · 9 answers · asked by wild _horse_ 2006 1

2006-09-07 23:45:36 · 7 answers · asked by wild _horse_ 2006 1

Did you have a saying to choose who would be it for the game of tag?

2006-09-07 23:40:47 · 7 answers · asked by wild _horse_ 2006 1

The Beginning of Eternity. The end of time and space. The beginning of every end, and end of every place.

2006-09-07 23:20:05 · 16 answers · asked by Calum B 1

Any co ck will do.
(co ck a doodle do)
p.s. it's funny when you tell it out loud, lol

2006-09-07 23:10:03 · 9 answers · asked by ? 4

ya

2006-09-07 23:09:28 · 6 answers · asked by sanju 1

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she
noticed someone handwritten the word 'penis' in tiny small
letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the
guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began
her class.

The next day she went into the room, and she saw,
in larger letters, the word 'penis' again on the black board.
Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found
none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom
and found the same word written on the board, each day's word,
larger than the previous day's word.

Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by
the same word on the board, but instead, found the words,
'The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!'


he he he....like it huh?

2006-09-07 23:06:16 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Enter the name of the person you thinks whose fart stinks the worst!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-09-07 22:50:43 · 8 answers · asked by Just enquiring/ inquiring 4

2006-09-07 22:45:22 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Policemen in Heaven
Date of Joke: Thursday, 21st February, 2002
St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up.

"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"

"I was a policeman," he responded.

"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.

"I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids."

"Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates."

A few moments later a second man walks up.

"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"

"I was a policeman," he responded.

"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.

"I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers."

"Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise."

A few moments later a third man walks up.

"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"

"I was a policeman," he responded.

"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.

"I was a Military Policeman, Sir."

"Excellent my son, I have to leave for a bit, watch the gate will you?"

2006-09-07 22:43:14 · 21 answers · asked by sameer_pasha4 2

1 - whenever anyone asks 'how are you?', you can wittily reply, 'I'm dead actually'
2 - life insurance salesmen are no longer a problem
3 - it impresses the ladies
4 - you no longer have to sing the first line of 'Fame' with any conviction whatsoever

2006-09-07 22:43:12 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and walked out into the lobby where he met President Bush.
They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said.

"You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America.
President Bush said, "Well, anything I can do to help you, I will."
The Iranian whispered "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, and Sulu who is Chinese, but no Iranians. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians on Star Trek."
President Bush laughed, leaned toward the Iranian ambassador, and whispered back,

"It's because it takes place in the future."

2006-09-07 22:00:30 · 5 answers · asked by jennijan 4

Dollar exchange:

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. Short line...just one person in front of me, an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars, and he was a little agitated. He asked the teller,

"Why it change? Yesterday I get two hunat dollar of yen - today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller says, "Fluctuations."

The Asian guy says, "Fluc you white people too".

2006-09-07 21:48:14 · 25 answers · asked by Sophie 3

there was this you man who was in a bar gettin drink, and he seen a man with a lil head, he said "hey bartender, why is that mans head so little?" bartender said "hell if i know" so the young man said 'well ima go over there and ask him why his head is so damnn little""so he goes over and say "hey man whats up, why is your head so little?" the man said "well son, back when i was i vietnam, our ship was gettin destroyed and we had to jump out and we had no place to go. And me and my men where stuck in the middle of the ocean, out of nowhere, a beautiful mermail popped up and granted me 3 wishes, she asked me for my 1st wish, and i said well how about a big ship for me and my men,"
"sir wish is granted, what will ur 2nd wish be?" said the mermaid. 'okayyy, well how about 20 millioin dollars?" "sir wish is granted, what will your 3rd wish be?" said the mermaid "so i said well, how about me and u make love?" she said "im a fish made woman i can do that" so i said " ok, how bout a lil head

2006-09-07 21:42:08 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-07 21:39:45 · 27 answers · asked by Richard P 1

Little Tommy on a farm runs indoors "mummy, mummy, the bull's f**king the cow"!
"No Tommy, you must be polite and say that the bull is surprising the cow"!

Later Tommy runs in again, "mummy, the bull's surprising all the cows"!

"No Tommy, the bull can't surprise all the cows"!

"Yes he can, he's f**king the horse"!!!!

2006-09-07 21:07:13 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Humpty dumpty sat on a rock. Little Bo Peep was sucking his c@ck.When he came she started to weep, She knew by the taste he'd been F@cking her sheep!!

2006-09-07 20:57:41 · 18 answers · asked by Ashy50 1

What stays in a corner but goes around the world?

the 14th right answer gets the point

goodluck ^_^

2006-09-07 20:50:40 · 7 answers · asked by ettezzil 5

Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy when he noticed
the brand new shiney watch Jimmy was wearing.

"Did you get that for your birthday?" he asked.

"Nope," Jimmy replied.

"Well did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked.

"Nope."

"You didn't steal it did you?"

"No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mum and Dad's bedroom the other night
when they were on the job. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me."

Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of
Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night he waited
outside his parents room until he heard the unmistakeable noises of
lovemaking.

Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His
father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily;
"What do you want now?"

"I wanna watch," Johnny replied.

"Well stand in the corner and keep quiet then," said his father
returning to the job at hand.

2006-09-07 20:46:28 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

What does a blond and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?

They've both swallowed a lot of seamen ...

-----------------------------
A man enters a clock shop and takes out his manhood and puts it on the counter. The lady assistant says to him "Sir this is a clock shop not a **** shop."

He replies "Put two hands and a face on it then."

--------------------------
There was a man who had his arm shot off in a war. The doctors replaced it with an electric one, that perofrmend whatever instructions he game it, simply by talking to it.

One day he went into a pub toilet. He said "Undo Zip" so the arm undid his zip.

He said "Ready, aim, fire!" so he started to pee.

Then he saw a condom machine on the wall that was labelled as '£10 for 2!'

"RIP OFF!" he shouted.

His screams were heard throughout the bar...

-----------------------------------
rate those ...

2006-09-07 20:30:20 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

my latest plan is to build a nuclear missile on the moon and aim for the Earth ...after that i can demand for all the candies from the people of earth as ransome.....what are your plans????

2006-09-07 20:27:59 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A. Her ankles

2006-09-07 20:27:17 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman asked her husband if he knew how she could make her bust bigger.

He said "Try rubbing toilet paper between your breasts once a day. It worked for your ****."

2006-09-07 20:26:06 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why is a bee sting worse than a wasp sting?

A wasp sting hurts for hours, but a 'beasting' hurts for days!

2006-09-07 20:24:24 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Four guys who worked together always golfed as a group at 7:00 a.m. on Sunday. Unfortunately, one of them got transferred
out of town and they were talking about trying to fill out the foursome.

A woman standing near the tee said, "Hey, I like to golf, can I join the group?" They were hesitant, but said she could come once to try it and they could see what they thought.

They all agreed and she said, "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45." She showed up right at 6:30, and wound up setting a course record with a 7-under par round. The guys went nuts and everyone in the clubhouse congratulated her.

Meanwhile, she was fun and pleasant the entire round. The guys happily invited her back the next week and she said, "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or 6:45."

Again, she showed up at 6:30 Sunday morning. Only this time, she played left-handed, and matched her 7-under par score of the previous week. By now the guys were totally amazed, and they asked her to join the group for keeps. They had a beer after their round, and one of the guys asked her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"

She said, "That's easy. Before I leave for the golf course, I pull the covers off my husband, who sleeps in the nude.
If his member is pointing to the right, I golf right-handed; if it's pointed to the left, golf left-handed."

One of the guys asked, "What if it's pointed straight up?"

She said, "Then I'll be here at 6:45."

2006-09-07 20:23:28 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous