Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

10 points for the funniest! Good luck!

2006-09-07 13:11:53 · 28 answers · asked by chris_sensei2003 3

either tell me your jokes or tell me a good website for them plz
(make sure their appropriate plz)

2006-09-07 12:50:35 · 14 answers · asked by tomm 2

.. up my ****!" The Doctor said " Hows that?" The man said "Don't YOU fuckin' start!".

2006-09-07 12:45:28 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

If anybody can guess what I am wearing right now, ill give you 10 points.

2006-09-07 12:37:43 · 44 answers · asked by 1 3

what part of them?

2006-09-07 12:35:09 · 9 answers · asked by ? 4

If you make me laugh enough, i'll send 10 your way.

2006-09-07 12:30:26 · 13 answers · asked by pedlamaniacs 2

little kids turn it /him on?
get it

2006-09-07 12:29:58 · 17 answers · asked by karinaherdez@sbcglobal.net 2

Fill in the blanks to the above joke/riddle. My answer was “Timothy Treadwell befriending grizzly bears.” http://www.adn.com/front/story/4110831p-4127072c.html

Note to grieving die hard Steve Irwin fans: No offense intended. This is only a joke, and that is why I put it in the Jokes & Riddles category. If you can’t take it, move onto a different question.

2006-09-07 12:27:52 · 8 answers · asked by J 5

Willys cynical thought for the fugging day;

Artificial Intelligence beats real freaking stupidity!

What happens if an insect falls in a cup of coffee?  

The British: will throw the cup into the street and leave the coffee shop for good.  

The American: will get the insect out and drink the coffee.  

The Chinese: will eat the insect and drink the coffee.  

The Israeli will:  
(1) Sell the coffee to the American and the insect to the Chinese.  

(2) Cry on all media channels that he feels insecure.  

(3) Accuse the Palestinians, Hizb Allah, Syria and Iran of using germ-weapons.  

(4) Keep on crying about anti-semitism and violations of human rights.  

(5) Ask the Palestinian President to stop planting insects in the cups of coffee.  

(6) Re-occupy the West Bank, Gaza Strip.  

(7) Demolish houses, confiscate lands, cut water and electrity from Palestinian houses and randomly shoot Palestinians.  

(8) Ask the United States for urgent military support and a loan of eight billion dollars in order to buy a new cup of coffee.  

(9) Ask the United Nations to punish the coffee-shop owner by making him offer free coffee 'till the end of the century.  

(10) Last but not least, accuse the whole world to be standing still, not even sympathizing with the Israeli Nation.  

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-09-07 12:21:58 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy goes into an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll. The guy behind the counter says, "Male or female?" and the customer says "Female." The counter guy asks, "Black or white?" and the customer says "White." The counter guy asks, " Christian or Muslim?" and the customer asks, " What's religion got to do with it?" The counter guy says, " The Muslim one blows itself up."

2006-09-07 12:21:44 · 13 answers · asked by lisa s 3

A guy woke up in a room. He did not know where he was. He didnt have a cellphone or anything. There was only a tank of water(5 gallons). 1 year later, one of the walls suddenly broke down. There were people and the man went out. How did he live?

2006-09-07 12:17:40 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-07 12:16:44 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible. The instructions were that the story had to contain religion, sexuality, and mystery. The blonde wrote, " Good God, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it."

2006-09-07 12:16:13 · 26 answers · asked by lisa s 3

There is a cop stoped at a stop light waiting to go, when a little girl on a brand new bicycle rides up, the cop looks over and says "what a nice new bike did santa give that to you?" The little girl says yes and the cop gives her a $5. ticket and says "next year tell santa to send reflecters for you to put on that bike, cause that is a safty violation." The little girl replies "did santa give you that horse?" the cop laughs and says "yes he sure did!" the little girl looks up at him and says "next year tell santa that the d*ck goes on the bottom of the horse not the top!!"

2006-09-07 12:07:18 · 20 answers · asked by D 2

THE WORLDS HARDEST RIDDLE

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?


97% of Harvard graduates can not figure this riddle out, but 84% of kindergarten students were able to figure this out in 6 minutes or less. Can you guess the correct answer? Just forward this with the title "The World's Hardest Riddle", and then check your inbox. You'll get a message with the correct answer in it. Good luck

2006-09-07 12:05:25 · 18 answers · asked by gregizcrazy 1

Mounted Cop

There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.
''Nice bike,'' the cop said, ''did Santa bring it to you?''

''Yep,'' the little boy said, ''he sure did!''

The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said, ''Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it.''

To go along with the cop, the little boy said, ''Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?'' ''Yes, He sure did,'' said the cop.

The little boy looked up at the cop and said, ''Next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse instead of on top.''

2006-09-07 12:00:29 · 31 answers · asked by :) 3

A large truck is crossing a bridge 1 mile long. The bridge can only hold 14000 lbs, which is the exact weight of the truck. The truck makes it half way across the bridge and stops. A bird lands on the truck. Does the bridge collapse? Give a reason.

2006-09-07 11:58:58 · 42 answers · asked by Tigers Gal! 4

It's a trick question and i don't even know the answer...T_T

2006-09-07 11:32:47 · 10 answers · asked by cigarette lighter 1

two coins that add up to 30 cents
one of them isnt a nickel
what are they?

2006-09-07 11:31:48 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

It's an easy one. 1st to get it right gets 10 points

2006-09-07 11:18:32 · 7 answers · asked by Phoenix Rising 6

first person to answer two out of three of these correctly wins. if someone else answers all three correctly they will get the ten points.

If you take half of ten apples away from seven apples, what have you got?

Why do some people press elevator buttons with their fingers while others use their thumbs?

What has four legs, a tail, eats oats and hay, and sees equally well from bothe ends?

2006-09-07 11:11:58 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man walks into his bathroom and shoots himself right between the eyes using a real gun with real bullets. He walks out alive, with no blood anywhere. And no, he didn't miss and isn't Superman.

How did he do this?

2006-09-07 11:06:50 · 18 answers · asked by .oh snap.london bridge.oh snap. 3

A married couple are driving along a motorway doing 60 or so, the husband behind the wheel. His wife suddenly looks over at him and says: "Honey, I know we've been married for twenty years but I want a divorce".
The husband says nothing but slowly increases his speed to 70 mph.
She then says: "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend and he's a lot better at sex than you."
Again the husband stays quiet but speeds up more as his anger increases.
"I want the house," she insists.
Again the husband speeds up, now to 80 mph.
She says: "I want the car too! " but he just keeps driving faster and faster. By now he's up to 90 mph.
"And I want the bank accounts and all the credit cards".
The husband starts to veer towards the central reservation.
This makes her a little nervous so she asks nervously: "Isn't there anything you want dear?"
The husband replies: "No, I've got everything I need darling, I've got.....

2006-09-07 11:05:43 · 17 answers · asked by sylesh3 3

Tell me something funny, if you got what it takes.
Why,just wantto hear something funny.

2006-09-07 10:40:49 · 21 answers · asked by Itzel 2

2006-09-07 10:39:07 · 12 answers · asked by Lionel M 5

an old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells: 'super p-u-s-s-y!'
the old man says: 'I’ll have the soup

2006-09-07 10:34:39 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

Its one of those, the answer is in the word, but i cant seem to find it.

2006-09-07 10:25:56 · 4 answers · asked by Hello 1

The Un-Associated Press reported in a news bulletin today that a pregnant woman who has been in a coma for nine months following an automobile accident has given birth to twins, a baby girl and a baby boy. Awakening from her coma and learning that she had given birth to twins, she asked if names had already been given to them.

"Yes," her doctor informed her, "because we didn't know if you would ever come out of the coma, your brother Henry gave them their names."

"Oh dear God," the woman moaned, "my brother, Henry, is the family idiot. What in the world did he name them?"

"He named the baby girl Denise," answered the physician.

"Well, that's not so bad," the woman replied. "What did he name the baby boy?" The physician responded regretfully, "DeNephew."

2006-09-07 10:06:38 · 26 answers · asked by Phoenix Rising 6

There are two coins whose sum is 30 cents. One is not a nickel. What are the two coins?

First Correct Answer wins! If you want to know and can't figure it out email me, and I wil reply with the answer. Best Wishes!

2006-09-07 10:05:31 · 7 answers · asked by Alicia 2

Trying to stay awake at work... help!
Thanks, people. =D

2006-09-07 09:59:54 · 3 answers · asked by melon_rose 2