Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his book-keeper has screwed him for ten million bucks.

This book-keeper is deaf and it was considered an occupational benefit why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf book-keeper would not be able to hear anything and never have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to shake down the book-keeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the book-keeper: "Where is the $10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The lawyer, using sign language, asks the book-keeper where the money is hidden.

The book-keeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The lawyer tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you'retalking about."
That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9mm pistol, puts it to the book-keeper's temple, cocks it up and says: "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"

The book-keeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

The Godfather asks the lawyer: "Well, what'd he say?"

The lawyer replies: "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger!!"

2006-09-07 00:06:49 · 14 answers · asked by easyboy 4

2006-09-06 23:34:29 · 14 answers · asked by dev_raj 1

promotion: the SIXTH PERSON who gets the answer correctgets 10 points!!

2006-09-06 23:31:02 · 17 answers · asked by aura066 2

i have answered many questions but i was never chosen as best answer i chose lots of people that answered my questions but why no ME

2006-09-06 23:23:16 · 22 answers · asked by Nuga 1

1 - 'Sorry. I didn't se you there, standing in the middle of the road'
2 - 'The tax disc is in the post. Probably in the same envelope as the driving license and MOT certificate'
3 - 'Actually, now you mention it, it's not my motor. It's my mates...but I don't know where he lives'
4 - 'What are you doing, officer? Posing for a Pirelli photo shoot? Well, I hope you're insured for the damage you've done to my front bumper!'
5 - 'I don't need road tax because this is officially registered as an aircraft. Check out those tail-fins'
6 - 'Is that your five pound note on the pavement?'
7 - 'I think you should know that I play golf with your chief constable'
8 - 'Actually my chauffeur handles all the paperwork. If you insist on contacting him, he's lecturing at an Amnesty International conference on 'Police Powers vs Individual Freedom'
9 - 'I think you should know that I am a Freemason'
10 - 'Is that your American Express Gold card with a blank signature strip on the pavenment?'

2006-09-06 22:57:27 · 41 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-06 22:01:15 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

when you bite it...it bites you ....?

2006-09-06 21:48:21 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

there is a boy lost in a jungle
he feel very hungry
he walk towards the jungle
then he saw land that full of fruit in it
but the problem is the land is surrounded with water
he walk around the land to find if it is a way to cross there
but there is no way
then he saw monkey at the land
the monkey are eating the fruit
behing the there is small rock's
question is how the boy can eat the fruit

2006-09-06 21:21:57 · 18 answers · asked by aaa 1

Will u marry it?

2006-09-06 21:16:35 · 11 answers · asked by Screw You 1

guess this and win...:)

2006-09-06 20:50:07 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Does this make my yahoo a racist, or is it sexually repressed with sexual undertones? Or is my yahoo just confused, like a girl who says that she'd probably be bi in college until she really goes for the gold at the sorority sleepover?

2006-09-06 20:37:24 · 11 answers · asked by Singletary 2

A truck driver amused himself by running over lawyers as they
walked down the side of the road. Every time he saw a lawyer
walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him. There
would be a loud "thud", and then he would swerve back on the
road.
As the truck driver drove along one day, he saw a priest hitch
hiking, he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you
going, Father?"
The priest said he was on his way to his church up the road.
"I'll give you a lift."
The priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck
driver continued down the road. Suddenly, the truck driver saw
a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively swerved to
hit him. At the last minute, he remembered he had a priest in
the truck and swerved back onto the road. Even though he knew
he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "thud." Unsure of
where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors.

2006-09-06 19:54:36 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty
years. Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an
enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance.
"You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always
complained.
After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her
revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the
bed next to the old boy's a rse. While making breakfast
downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate
through the floorboards followed by a scream. Twenty minutes
later a rather shaken man came downstairs.
"You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally
did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two
fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!"


he he he...

2006-09-06 19:33:32 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

Last time, we saw this riddle:

What does the lightbulb say when you turn it off?
A: I am delighted!

Hehehe. And here is today's riddle:

What does one magnet say to another?

Good luck!

2006-09-06 19:27:15 · 13 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

select out of three.........a newly married couple appointed a maid and divided their work according to their capacity expect kitchen work. Help them to sort out kitchen work.

2006-09-06 19:22:36 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-06 19:19:26 · 18 answers · asked by aaa 1

http://images.acswebnetworks.com/qimages/acs/ilapp1_8/Int_Fest_Japanese_ladies_05.jpg

hehe

2006-09-06 19:15:54 · 15 answers · asked by jackie 1

It may be true that women with big b(o)(o)bies work at Hooters.


Do women with pegged legs work at "IHOP"?

2006-09-06 18:55:39 · 19 answers · asked by snafu1 2

What starts with T
Ends with T
And filled with T


PROMOTION: FIRST TO ANSWER THE CORRECT
ANSWER,GETS 10 POINTS!!!!

2006-09-06 18:52:55 · 10 answers · asked by aura066 2

How do you get a blonde woman on a roof?

2006-09-06 18:44:36 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Japanese, Chinese and Korean are captured by cannibals to be eaten. But before they eat, they have decided to have fun with them. So the cannibal says "All three of you must bring 10 fruits which must be the same fruit and of identicle size". So the 3 men hurry off. Firstly, the Japanese man comes with 10 apples of the same size. The cannibal goes "Now i will shove them up ur ***!" and the Japanese goes "what?". And the cannibal goes, "we will shove it up ur *** and if u make a single sound we will eat u, but if u dont u r free to go." The cannibal starts shoving apples up the man's ***. On the 7th apple he screams and is eaten. The Korean man comes with 10 cherries. The cannibal does his little talk again and starts shoving cherries up the man's ***. On the 9th cherry, the Korean man laughs and is eaten. In heaven the Japanese man asks "y did u laugh, u only had 1 more cherry!" and the Korean man answers "I saw the Chinese man coming with pineapples!!"
lol

another one coming soon..

2006-09-06 18:42:47 · 9 answers · asked by nzdota 2

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more
than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over
100%.
How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might
prove helpful.
What makes life 100%?
So If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is
represented
as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26.
Then,
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%
But,
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%
And,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

2006-09-06 18:34:40 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

told you they were a compulsive liar, would you believe them?

2006-09-06 18:23:58 · 16 answers · asked by LindseyLouWho 3

I start with the letter 'e'
I end with the letter 'e'
I contain only one letter,
Yet, I am not the letter 'e'
What am I ?

2006-09-06 18:10:44 · 33 answers · asked by momoftwo 3

An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found 4 males in her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice that she knows how to use it and that she will if required.... so get out of the car.

The 4 men didn't wait around for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, where upon the lady proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the drivers seat.

Small problem, her key wouldn't fit the ignition. Her car was identical and parked four or five spaces further down.

She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station.

The sergeant that she told the story to nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter where 4 pale white males were reporting a car-jacking by a mad, elderly, white woman......no charges were filed.

2006-09-06 18:06:06 · 9 answers · asked by ettezzil 5

remember *IF HE CAN...HE is not all powerful*......and..*IF HE CANT than he is not all powerfull*........

2006-09-06 18:05:09 · 11 answers · asked by G-MAN 1

If you are bored, talk. Say something funny that will make me laugh..please I need something to do..

2006-09-06 17:58:20 · 13 answers · asked by Via Jessica 1

I am barely sitting down when I hear a voice from the other
stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation or fraternize in
men's rooms at a rest stop but, I don't know what got into me,
so I answer, somewhat embarrassedly: "Not bad!"

And the other guy says: "So what's up with you?"

What a question? At that point, I'm thinking this is too
bizarre so I say: "I'm like you, just traveling east!"
Then I hear the guy say nervously... "LISTEN!!! I'll have to
call you back, there's an idiot in the other stall who keeps
answering all my questions, bye!"




he he.....like it?

2006-09-06 17:36:08 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody,
Anybody, and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked
to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody
could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job.
Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that
Everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did
what Anybody could have done.

2006-09-06 17:19:59 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Whenever John wanted to have sex he would say
to Mary "Lets do some laundry, honey".

Well one day Mary felt horny so she said to
John "Honey, how about doing some laundry?"

John replied "No thanks honey, I only had a
small load so I did it by hand."

2006-09-06 17:14:51 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous