Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

email me so i can give u yo answer.

2006-09-06 13:00:53 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Seriously I want to know the answer. I really want to know okay.

2006-09-06 12:50:19 · 29 answers · asked by karren b 2

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to
Jerusalem. While they
were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the
husband, "You can
have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here,
in the Holy
Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told him he
would just have
her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship
your wife home,
when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would
spend only
$150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried
here, and three days
later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that
chance."

2006-09-06 11:56:59 · 18 answers · asked by Sophie 3

im really bored....so id u have any good jokes plz write them down...im sssooo bored....

2006-09-06 11:54:36 · 12 answers · asked by ? 3

okay so tell me if you like this joke. thanks!

okay there was this boy named pipito.
one day his mom sent him to go buy beans so she gave him money to go buy some for her. while he was walking the store he went into a toy store and fell in love with these marbles so with the money that his mom gave him he bought them. as he was walking home he remembered that he was sopposed to buy beans with the money. so he went up to this painter that was painting a new building and asked for some black paint (for black beans) he gave pipito some. so pipito painted the marbles black and gave them to his mom like as if nothing had happend.
the next day the mom asked pipito. "where did you buy those beans pipito?" pipito scared that he had been caught just answered "why?" so the mom says " becuase this morning your dad ate them and later when he farted he killed the cat!!!"

2006-09-06 11:37:51 · 25 answers · asked by la_gurl 5

The chicken cross the road, to get away from the drunk farmer, who simply tried to cut it's head off,and which the chicken ranned across the road saw a car and cross before it got road killed and then the farmer crosses the road foolishly,and get hit by the car, and then the chicken walks to the farmer's body.Pokes his back to make sure he's dead and laugh's at him 5 minutes straight,then the chicken face the screen and says,"thats all folks"!!!!!!!!

What do you think of it!!!!
Is it funny!,Is it just plain mean! Or is it just both but more funny!!!!!

2006-09-06 11:26:27 · 21 answers · asked by Lissa305 4

They are going to play Jimmy Nail's Crocodile Shoes at Steve Urwin's funeral as they considered any of Sting's music to be inappropriate!!

2006-09-06 11:05:49 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-06 10:53:39 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is a blonde's mating call?

"I am sooo drunk"


What is a brunette's mating call?

"Has that blonde b!t(h left yet?"

2006-09-06 10:51:40 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

woman goes into a graveyard with a bunch of flowers. there are 4 graves & a magic pool in the graveyard.The magic pool doubles the quantity of anything dipped into it. The woman places a number of flowers on the 1st grave, dips the remainder in the pool so that they double,places the same number of flowers on the 2nd grave as the 1st, dips the remainder where they double again,places the same number on the 3rd grave as are on graves 1 & 2, dips the remainder again, and she's left with the exact number of flowers that are on the other 3 graves. She places these on the 4th grave & walks out empty handed. All 4 graves have the same amount of flowers on them. The question is, how many flowers did she take to the graveyard? And how many flowersare on each grave??

2006-09-06 10:32:06 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

First one who gets it right wins a BIG 10!

Use some logic to figure it out.

Which day of the week would you get paid?
Which day of the week would be a bright day?
Which day of the week would you get married?
Which day of the week would you cook?

2006-09-06 10:26:00 · 22 answers · asked by JistheRealDeal 5

As I was going to St. Ives,
I met a man with seven wives.
Each wife had seven sacks,
Each sack had seven cats,
Each cat had seven kits.
Kits, cats, sacks and wives,
How many were going to St. Ives?

2006-09-06 10:21:08 · 15 answers · asked by Lost....Eve 2

i'm feeling relly low, please tell me the funniest jokes you can think of to cheer me up!!!!

the best one will get 10 points.

2006-09-06 10:12:49 · 12 answers · asked by Levi 2

im bored i need a good giggle NOW

2006-09-06 10:11:09 · 16 answers · asked by hottie 2

In a game, the "barker" starts by thinking of a math rule or calculation. The "player spins a number wheel to get their number, and the "barker" mentally applies his formula to the number and quickly calls out the answer. This is done 3 times, with the "barker" writing down each pair of numbers for all to see.

The player spins one last time to get a fourth number. The "barker" then writes his answer down on a hidden board. To win the prize, the player has to correctly predict the number that the "barker" has written down.

Here are the results of the four spins:

Player's Numbers
Spin 1: 3
Spin 2: -2
Spin 3: 6
Spin 4: 4

Barker's Answers:
Spin 1: 7
Spin 2: -13
Spin 3: 19
Spin 4: ???

What is the "barker's" final answer (for spin number 4)?


The first to correctly guess the number will be selected as the "Best Answer" and recieve 10 points!

Good Luck!

2006-09-06 09:58:55 · 3 answers · asked by presboy15 2

I mean great...not a one liner..or something so lame it's the only thing you remember....but great! If it made you laughed so much you flipped yer chair laughing then please....share!

Thanks!
SmileyCat : )

2006-09-06 09:55:15 · 9 answers · asked by SmileyCat : ) 4

I made those wrotten egg prank which when u remove he toothpicks from the egg the wrotten smell comes out and where can i put it in school?

2006-09-06 09:49:48 · 5 answers · asked by HiddenLakes 3

1. There was a man walking on a sandy desert and every time he looked behind him, he didn't see any footprints; there were no strong winds on that day. Explain.

2. There was this black dog in the middle of a black road all the houses are black and the moon and stars weren't out. The power was out in this town and a guy whose headlights were out was driving down the road and almost hit the dog but he swerved just in time. How did the man see the dog?

3. How can 2 people step on 1 piece of paper so that they can't touch each other without stepping off the paper?

4. A prisoner is told "If you tell a lie we will hang you; if you tell the truth we will shoot you." What can he say to save himself?

1 & 2 are easy. Think i have the answer to 4 but 3 has me stumped. help!

2006-09-06 09:22:27 · 25 answers · asked by emma 5

The Board of the prominent town charity had always hoped for a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So when the charity's new Director was hired, she thought she would impress the Board by getting a big check out of him.

She made an appointment with the lawyer and visited him in his lavish office. She opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the town charity?"

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"

Embarrassed, the new Director mumbles, "Uh... no, I didn't know that."

"Secondly," says the lawyer, "my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children."

The stricken charity representative begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a big mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled, and another has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?"

The humiliated Director, completely beaten, says, "I'm sorry, I had no idea."

"So," the lawyer concludes, "if I didn't give them any money, what makes you think I'd ever give any to you?"

2006-09-06 09:21:19 · 7 answers · asked by Woody 3

a man's wife is having a baby. she's in labor. he desperately calls 911
man: "my wife's in labor, she's having a baby"
911 lady "is this her first child?"
man: "no, it's her husbant"

2006-09-06 09:20:24 · 9 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

they finally come to the conclusion that they agree there is no way to get off the island. then they find a lamp on the beach and they rub it. a magic genie comes out and tells them each of them gets one wish but they can only wish to be something. they cannot wish to go somewhere. the brunette wishes to be a shark so she could swim to shore. the genie said "ok, once u get to ur desired location, u will turn back to normal." the brunette was turned into a shark and swam to shore. then the redhead wishes to be an eagle so she could fly to safety. the genie said "ok, once u get to ur desired location, u will turn back to normal." the redhead turned into an eagle and flew to safety. then the blonde walks around fro a minute and then says "i wish i was..." she trips on a rock and shouts "crap!!!"

i bet u know the rest of the story!!! lol. **enjoy**

2006-09-06 09:11:57 · 6 answers · asked by .oh snap.london bridge.oh snap. 3

(sorry, this may be Racial, and or offensive to some veiwers, but I just want to know if you bunch on here know the answer)

An indian, a Mexican and a Black man jump off of a cliff. Who wins?

2006-09-06 08:55:36 · 11 answers · asked by AdventGrEd 2

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.

He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"

She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?

2006-09-06 08:48:49 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man walks into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The bartender pulls out a shotgun and points it at him. The man says, thank you and leaves.

What went on??


This one is pretty easy on my scale, 15 answers and you get the correct answer.

2006-09-06 08:48:27 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

There's a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead and they found a magic mirror. The mirror told them that they it would grant each of them one wish.

So the brunette walks up to the mirror and says, "mirror mirror on the wall, i wish...i could fly. Immediately the brunet started to fly.

Then the redhead walks up to the mirror and says, "mirror mirror on the wall, i wish...i could sing beautifully. So the redhead started to sing.

Next the blonde walks up and says, "mirror mirror on the wall, i wish...i could...ummmm...oh crap!

2006-09-06 08:46:20 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

At the beach. A bell rings, a woman dies. What happened??

- The answer will be provided after 11 guesses

2006-09-06 08:42:42 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

The one who makes it sells it.
The one who buys it doesn't use it.
The one who's using it doesn't know he's using it.

What is it???



note: this is a very fun and clever riddle after 15 responces i WILL post the answer

2006-09-06 08:40:49 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

It's more powerful than God.
It's more evil than the devil.
The poor have it.
The rich need it.
If you eat it, you'll die.

What am I?????????

2006-09-06 08:38:40 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champagne bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.

Can you guess the riddle?

FACT: 97% of Harvard graduates can not figure this riddle out, but 84% of kindergarten students were able to figure this out in 6 minutes or less.

2006-09-06 08:27:36 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-06 08:25:14 · 5 answers · asked by haqasim 1