i'm feeling relly low, please tell me the funniest jokes you can think of to cheer me up!!!!
the best one will get 10 points.
2006-09-06 10:12:49 · 12 answers · asked by Levi 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
what's green, slimy, and smells like pork?
kermit's finger.
♣
2006-09-06 10:14:29 · answer #1 · answered by VetteLeo 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Here goes the quickie jokes:
Quickie #1
One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went fishing.
Quickie #2
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
Quickie # 3
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right,
and the other is a husband.
Quickie #4
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's
license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The
optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
2006-09-06 17:32:30 · answer #2 · answered by Guam nut 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two men sitting at a bar
Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar.
After awhile, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but
think, from listening to you that you're from Ireland "
The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am"
The first guy says, "So am I And where about from Ireland might you be?"
The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin , I am."
The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I. And what street
did you live on in Dublin ?"
The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary
Street in the old central part of town."
The first guy says, "Faith & it's a small world, so did I. So did I. And
to what school would you have been going?"
The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."
The first guy gets really excited and says "And so did I Tell me, what
year did you graduate?"
The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see, I graduated in 1964."
The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us. I
can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight.
Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."
About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.
Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head & mutters,
"It's going to be a long night tonight"
Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"
"The Murphy twins are drunk again."
2006-09-06 17:14:48 · answer #3 · answered by Shilo R 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
a bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods when they come upon a Ginnie/ he says since you are the first animals i have seen i will grant you each 3 wishes/ the bear barges forward and says me first me first i wish that all the bears in this forest except me were female, and the Ginnie replies poof tis done/ the rabbit thinks for a few minutes then says i wish for the strongest helmet known to man, the Ginnie says poof tis done/ the bear thinks this is stupid then he says ok my second with is i wish every bear in the adjoining forest were female, and the Ginnie says poof tis done/ the rabbit thinks for a few more minutes then says i wish for the fastest motorcycle known to man, the Ginnie says poof and a motorcycle appears in front of the rabbit/ once again the bear thinks this is a stupid wish then he looks at the Ginnie and says ok my final wish is that every bear in the world except me of course was female, the Ginnie say poof tis done/ the rabbit gets on his motorcycle and revs the engine, he gives the bear a sly look then says i wish the bear was gay then takes off on the cycle.
hehehehe
2006-09-06 17:43:11 · answer #4 · answered by Shorty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok heres one of my own favorites of my jokes!!!!!!!
Do you really want to know why the chicken really cross the road.......?
The chicken cross the road, to get away from the drunk farmer, who simply tried to cut it's head off,and which the chicken ranned across the road saw a car and cross before it got road killed and then the farmer crosses the road foolishly,and get hit by the car, and then the chicken walks to the farmer's body.Pokes his back to make sure he's dead and laugh's at him 5 minutes straight,then the chicken face the screen and says,"thats all folks"!!!!!!!!
I hope this made you laugh or smile!!!! :-) Hee-Hee,I love making people laugh!!!!!!
2006-09-06 18:29:28 · answer #5 · answered by Lissa305 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend likes to smell watermelons!
If i met the flying spaghetti monster, i'd hunt him down and have a pasta party :)
I need tacos or else I'll explode! ~Gir from invader Zim
Let's make biscuits! ~ Gir from invader Zim
Rabies! Don't forget the rabies! ~ Cosmo from Fairly Odd Parents
Let my babies go! ~ Tommy Pickles imagining he's Moses
Watching videos tends to cheer me up
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=3A88305D0FEEE6E8
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=C89A1BBC53B0D6F2
2006-09-06 17:26:47 · answer #6 · answered by Cyber 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
a doc an his wife r fightin, yea?
he ends by shoutin,"well your not so good in bed either."
when at work he decides to apologise, and calls his wife. after a lot a rings, she picks up he asks ,"what took u so long"
she answered,"i was getting a second opinion"lol
2006-09-06 18:32:27 · answer #7 · answered by joe c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two caterpillars look up to the sky and spot a butterfly. One says to the other "you wouldn't catch me up there".
2006-09-06 17:37:39 · answer #8 · answered by no1shylass 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Question : What came first? The EGG or the CHICKEN?
Answer : Who the Hell cares, they are both delicious.. (n_n)
2006-09-06 22:02:41 · answer #9 · answered by Genei_Ryodan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, I have already posted my funny jokes.
You will have to look for my picture to read them.
2006-09-07 03:01:44 · answer #10 · answered by Dew Drop 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋