Anybody have a great joke for SmileyCat : ) ?

Question

I mean great...not a one liner..or something so lame it's the only thing you remember....but great! If it made you laughed so much you flipped yer chair laughing then please....share!

Thanks!
SmileyCat : )

Vetteleo - I asked if anyone had a great joke? Get with the program here..hehe!
I give that a ( -1 ). Next.....

Auuu.......chris45771618?

Three men walk into a bar...
Heelloooo? Did you pass out before you
could tell me the rest?
...all righty then...moving on...

Gee, Chris....once I scrolled down far enough..you gave me the punchline...
that was too much work. Good try though...
Next!

EsYoDaddy...I really thought that one was funny back in the 6th grade.....hehe..
Good try....
Next!

Hey Adeline...my first laugh..that was funny..you're in the lead....you go girl!
Next!

thomasrobins...if that's your own poem...though not the funniest...I give you props for writing that...rhymed very well!
(fellow poet here...so I appreciate that!)
Next!

A-hahaha Shilo H...that was funny--
o.k....the girls are in the lead...
Next!

Aqua - "Psycho The Rapist"
Clever!
Next!

Dew Drop- bad answer...could of copied and pasted one of yer funnies jokes and won...instead you stole 2 points.....
Next!

Auu Marcus....hmm? Good try!

O.k.....time to pick a Best Answer......

Answer 1

I don't know if you will like this. But, I thought it was hilarious!!

Three men were taking a trip on a plane. When they get on the pilot tells the passengers not to throw anything out of the windows. The plane lifts off and they're on their way. On the plane the first man finds a pencil and wondering what to do with it. He is told by one of the other men to throw it out the window, so he does. Then the second guy finished his apple and wondering how to get rid of the core. He asks the other two men, they tell him to throw it out the window, so he does. Next the third man finds a grenade! Panicking he throws it out the window.

After the plane had landed the three men were walking down the street when they came across a guy holding his eye. The three men asked him what happened, he said he had looked up in the sky and a pencil fell and hit him in the eye. So the three men continued down the street and they come across a man holding his head, the three ask him what's wrong? The man says that he was walking down the street and an apple core fell on his head! Feeling a little strange the men continue down the street when they come across a man holding his stomach lauging his head off! The three ask him what's so funny? The man replies, I farted and that building exploded!

Answer 2

Two men sitting at a bar


Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar.

After awhile, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but
think, from listening to you that you're from Ireland "

The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am"

The first guy says, "So am I And where about from Ireland might you be?"

The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin , I am."

The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I. And what street
did you live on in Dublin ?"

The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary
Street in the old central part of town."

The first guy says, "Faith & it's a small world, so did I. So did I. And
to what school would you have been going?"

The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."

The first guy gets really excited and says "And so did I Tell me, what
year did you graduate?"

The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see, I graduated in 1964."

The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us. I
can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight.
Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."

About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head & mutters,
"It's going to be a long night tonight"

Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"

"The Murphy twins are drunk again."

Answer 3

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves,bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."

Answer 4

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day
while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went
through so he prayed:
"Dear Lord,
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife
merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
Amen."

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The
next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He
arose,cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes,fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the checkbook. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an
argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, Then set up the
ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing
vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the
dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.
At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't
finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love,
which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the
bed and said,
Lord,
I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy
my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."
Amen

The Lord,
in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."

Another one : A psychotherapist tells his dum assistant to make a signboard of the profession & put it up. the sign says " Psycho The Rapist"


MBA Vs Bcom Student
This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a
competition organized in Britain.
A MBA and a Bcom go on a camping trip, set up their tent,and
fell asleep.

Some hours later, the Bcom wakes his MBA friend. " look up
at the sky and tell me what you see."

The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

The MBA ponders for a minute.

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and
we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you?"

The Bcom is silent for a moment, then speaks.

"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".

Answer 5

The Snuff.

Paddy was a decent man, a man who rarely swore,
Peter was his oldest friend, since they were twenty-four.
But now that they were ancient, though still quite hard and tough,
They lived just for their evening pint - and a hefty pinch of snuff.

The snuffbox sat upon the bar, with compliments and free,
And while the lads sipped at their pints ‘twas plain for all to see,
That both had quite a habit, like addicts and their fix,
Each night they met and could be seen, in the bar just after six.

Until the dark day came about, when Paddy on his own,
Found the snuffbox empty, on his forehead, a deep frown.
But Paddy was a gentleman, not a rude word did he say,
So he called upon a young boy, outside the door at play.

‘Run down to Coynes tobacconist, buy half a gram of snuff,
Here’s half-a-crown in money, I think it’s quite enough,
And if you’re back in minutes, the change it’s yours to spend’
The boy was gone in seconds, at last he’d found a friend.

Misfortune fell upon the boy, for as he passed the cross,
He came upon a group of men playing pitch and toss.
And as he watched he felt the urge, temptation was too strong,
He tried to fight the evil off, he knew that it was wrong.

Three tosses later, he was broke, the half-crown, it was lost,
He weighed up all the options, and knew what it would cost,
A solution it was called for, somehow to make things right,
When suddenly he became aware of a large dry white dogshi*te.

Without thinking twice, he ground it up, in a twist of old white paper,
Ran quickly back to Paddy’s pub and handed him the taper.
He never stopped to see the result of the nasty thing he’d done,
Within seconds he was far away now thinking it was fun.

Paddy quietly placed the stuff, into the old snuffbox,
Then smartly tapped upon the lid, gave it three gentle knocks,
Between his thumb and index finger, with stuff he struck a pose,
And without delay, a wait all day, he sniffed it up his nose.

Minutes later Paddy asked of others in the pub,
‘Can you smell shi*te’ he called out loud, he gave his nose a rub,
All checked their shoes and boots to see, in what they might have trod,
Then with united chorus, called ‘No, no, not me, begob’.

Now in strolls Peter, his best friend as I have just said,
‘Sorry Paddy that I’m late’ his hand up to his head.
‘I have a heavy cold’ says he ‘my nose it is blocked up’
‘Sit down’ said Pad, hands him a pint ‘just take a gentle sup’.

‘Can you smell shi*te in here tonight’ asks Paddy of his mate,
‘I can’t smell nothing’ Peter says ‘’Till now at any rate’.
‘I’ve had this cold for three days now, its going to my chest,
Tonight I’m leaving early Pad, I need a decent rest’.

‘Try a pinch of snuff’ says Pad and passes him the tin,
Again three taps upon the lid, then quietly watches him,
Peter takes a hefty pinch and sniffs it deep, deep down.
Then sits and looks around the pub, upon his face a frown.

‘You know what’ Peter asks of Pad, his sniffle its now gone,
‘Tis the finest snuff this pub has seen, I doubt if I am wrong’.
‘And how do you make that out Pete’ asks Pad, he knows he’s right,
Then Peter answered soft and slow, ‘I now smell that dogshi*te’.

-----------------------------------------

Answer 6

Three men walk into a bar...













The fourth one ducks

Answer 7

Sorry, I have already posted my funny jokes.

You will have to look for my picture to read them.

Answer 8

How do you make a handkerchief dance?

You put some boogie in it!

Answer 9

what's green, slimy, and smells like pork?
kermit's finger.
♣