anybody got any ideas?

Question

im bored i need a good giggle NOW

Answer 1

Two men sitting at a bar


Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar.

After awhile, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but
think, from listening to you that you're from Ireland "

The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am"

The first guy says, "So am I And where about from Ireland might you be?"

The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin , I am."

The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I. And what street
did you live on in Dublin ?"

The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary
Street in the old central part of town."

The first guy says, "Faith & it's a small world, so did I. So did I. And
to what school would you have been going?"

The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."

The first guy gets really excited and says "And so did I Tell me, what
year did you graduate?"

The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see, I graduated in 1964."

The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us. I
can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight.
Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."

About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head & mutters,
"It's going to be a long night tonight"

Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"

"The Murphy twins are drunk again."

Answer 2

Millions.

Let's build a hotel on Pluto, now it's a planetoid the rents will be cheaper.

Let's make a souffle big enough to cover Paris in goo.

If I turn my lights on while piloting a spaceship at the speed of light, will the lights come on?

Check out my blog - loads of daft stuff on there!

Answer 3

Young Paddy’s Dream.

‘Dad’ said young Paddy, at breakfast time,
‘I had a bad dream and woke up cryin’,
Your mother, my Granny, she died last night,
The dream seemed so real, that I got a bad fright’.

‘You can’t believe dreams’ answered his dad,
‘It might have seemed real, and made you feel sad,
But Granny is healthy, so there’s no need to fret,
The dream it was caused, by something you ate’.

The telephone rang, bad news from dad’s brother,
‘It’s terrible John, it’s about your old mother,
She died in her sleep, she suffered no pain,
The funeral’s not fixed, so I’ll ring you again’.

The following morning, was just like the last,
Young Paddy is saddened, he looks so downcast,
‘I dreamt of Aunt Kate, and that she died too,
I hope Uncle Pete doesn’t phone to tell you’.

‘Too much coincidence’ stresses his dad,
The phone doesn’t ring, he is ever so glad,
However, the postman, he drops in a letter,
Aunt Kate, she is ill, and she may not get better.

Aunt Kate, she died too, the Lord rest her soul,
Old Dad, he is worried, Young Pad’s on a roll,
‘The odds against that’ Dad says under his breath,
‘Must be fifty to one, if I’d had a bet’.

The third morning came, Dad waits with alarm,
Young Paddy comes down, Dad puts on the charm,
‘Well son’ he asks Paddy, ‘have you any bad news’
Pad looks, but don’t speak, as he puts on his shoes.

‘I dreamt’ Paddy says, ‘of an old black crow,
That sat on my bed, and spoke soft and low,
He told me my dad, would die today,
I’m sorry for you dad, are you going away?’

Dad couldn’t speak, he said not a word,
He drove off to work, his vision seemed blurred,
He kept out of trouble, he just couldn’t think,
Then straight back home, with not one single drink.

‘What a horrible day’ , Dad said to his wife,
‘Had a terrible time, was afraid for my life,
‘And what about me’ the wife holds her head,
‘The milkman he slipped, broke his neck, and is dead.

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Answer 4

Yahoo office attachments are always a laugh.

Answer 5

A man walks into a bar and says OUCH!

Answer 6

What's brown and rings like a bell? DUNG!

Answer 7

Sorry, I have already posted my funny jokes.

You will have to look for my picture to read them.

Answer 8

WHY DID MISS PIGGY STOP AT 68. BECAUSE AT 69 SHE HAD A FROG IN HER THROAT

Answer 9

join my group its funny in places just about to do some oneliners

Answer 10

Put some butterflies in your underwear.