Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

list sterio typical redneck habbits

2006-09-06 04:59:34 · 36 answers · asked by jmather62 2

2006-09-06 04:57:14 · 27 answers · asked by lee_gift 1

2006-09-06 04:53:08 · 33 answers · asked by mrmodeluk 1

2006-09-06 04:50:19 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-06 04:49:32 · 22 answers · asked by Summer Rain 2

A man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?"
Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."
Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the same line.
Man: "Hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman: (shaking her head with mouth closed) "Unh unh."

2006-09-06 04:36:20 · 6 answers · asked by VetteLeo 6

How funny is that

2006-09-06 04:27:22 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

could you of been after
her her father more than
you thought of??what will your
future bring for you???

2006-09-06 04:27:19 · 63 answers · asked by Anonymous

An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice.
The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"
"Never Father, I'm Jewish."
"So then, why are you telling me?"
"Because I'm ****** telling everybody!"

2006-09-06 04:10:30 · 11 answers · asked by VetteLeo 6

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his
car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The
next
morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We
can't tell you. You're not a monk.












The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his
merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the
same
monastery.




















The monks gain accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.
































That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years
earlier.

































The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, We can't
tell you. You're not a monk.






































The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way

I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I
become

a monk?




















The monks reply, You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades

of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find


these numbers, you will become a monk.




































The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns
and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have traveled the
earth and have found what you have asked for. There are
145,236,284,232
blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.






























The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now
show you the way to the sound.
































The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, The

sound is right behind that door.





































Th! e man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, Real
funny. May I have the key?

































The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.



























Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands
the key to the stone door.





























The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made
of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind

that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went
until
the
man had gone through doors of emerald,....













.........silver, topaz, and amethyst.





















Finally, the monks say, This is the last key to the last door.












the man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob,
and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange
sound.




















... . . . But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

2006-09-06 03:53:40 · 16 answers · asked by zaazzy 4

An Egyptian man is walking through the Cairo bazaar, when a stranger comes up to him and offers to sell Viagra (illegal in Egypt) for 100 Egyptian pounds.
"No, not worth it!"
"OK, how about 50 Egyptian pounds?"
"No, not worth it!"
"OK, 20?"
"No, not worth it!"
"How about 10?"
"No, not worth it!"
"Listen, these pills cost US $10 each. How can you say they are not worth it?"
"Oh, the pills ARE worth it. My wife is not worth it."

2006-09-06 03:50:57 · 10 answers · asked by VetteLeo 6

2006-09-06 03:46:52 · 7 answers · asked by cheesemonkeyms 1

One Friday night, a policeman saw a car parked up at "makeout point." Shining his flashlight in the window, he saw a young man fidgeting in the front seat glancing at his watch and a young woman sitting in the back seat and reading a magazine.
"Excuse me, son" said the cop, "but how old are the two of you?"
"I'm eighteen, sir, and" (checking his watch another time) "in ten more minutes, she'll be eighteen too!"

2006-09-06 03:39:21 · 12 answers · asked by VetteLeo 6

and said, I bet you never saw that coming.

Went to another one round the corner and there was a sign saying closed due to unforseen circumstances.

So at the next one I sat down, held out my hand and he took a reading of it. While doing this he started laughing and couldn`t stop. I asked what he saw but he just carried on laughing so I smacked him in the face, walked out and said to my mate, I`ve never hit a happy medium before.

2006-09-06 03:22:25 · 15 answers · asked by dnlrawson 4

Mine is.....
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot

2006-09-06 02:37:27 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-06 02:36:21 · 16 answers · asked by me! 4

2006-09-06 02:35:43 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

*riddle*
lol

2006-09-06 02:33:23 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Would she come with all of Ken's accessories?

2006-09-06 02:23:41 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

I need a list of one-word name calling insults. I'm looking for as many as I can get, a site with 500-1000 or so would be great.
Not vulger

Like
Schmuck
Jerk
Loser
Crap
bonehead
book

2006-09-06 02:11:49 · 20 answers · asked by stingyguru 2

The sneaky cowardly chicken.. or the rotten bad egg..and why?

2006-09-06 02:02:00 · 3 answers · asked by laughsall 4

A rabbit goes into a butchers and says to the butcher "excuse me, mate, got any carrots?" The butcher shakes his head and says "sorry sir we only sell meat, you need the greengrocers down the road." So the rabbit hops off. Half an hour later he returns. "Excuse me, mate, got any carrots?" he asks. " I've already told you we only sell meat" says the butcher "go to the greengrocers down the road." And the rabbit hops off. Half an hour later he's back again "Excuse me mate, got any carrots?" he asks. " No I bloody haven't" shouts the now very angry butcher, "and if you ask me once more today I'm gong to nail your ears to my wall!" So the rabbit hops away. An hour passes and the rabbit returns. "excuse me mate, got any nails?" he asks "No" says the butcher. "Oh good", says the rabbit "got any carrots?"

2006-09-06 01:55:51 · 15 answers · asked by Tish P 6

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.

In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."

2006-09-06 01:34:40 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-06 01:28:03 · 9 answers · asked by dev_raj 1

Paul was at the age of 20 in 1990 and age of 15 in 1995. How is it possible? (I think you all should know the answer, right?)

2006-09-06 01:18:08 · 9 answers · asked by Ong 2

2006-09-06 01:13:37 · 22 answers · asked by litespeed2rw 6

2006-09-06 01:08:20 · 9 answers · asked by saffie d 1

2006-09-06 00:59:39 · 13 answers · asked by babygirl4us 4

At night they come without being fetched,
and by day they are lost without being stolen.
What are they?

2006-09-06 00:55:18 · 7 answers · asked by babygirl4us 4

I know a word of letters three. Add two, and fewer there will be. What is it?

2006-09-06 00:53:58 · 9 answers · asked by babygirl4us 4