Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

most creative wins.

2006-09-05 14:11:14 · 8 answers · asked by clueless 1

most creative wins

2006-09-05 14:09:54 · 9 answers · asked by clueless 1

it is a riddle I am stumped on

2006-09-05 14:06:41 · 8 answers · asked by jimmy k 1

most creative one wins.

2006-09-05 14:06:01 · 5 answers · asked by clueless 1

most creative one wins.

no dirty stuff.

2006-09-05 14:00:50 · 7 answers · asked by naba 1

most creative one wins.

no dirty stuff.

2006-09-05 13:57:32 · 12 answers · asked by naba 1

most creative one wins.

no body parts allowed.

2006-09-05 13:51:00 · 7 answers · asked by naba 1

most creative one wins.

no female body part allowed.

2006-09-05 13:49:36 · 17 answers · asked by naba 1

Little boy whips out his w*lly and says to a little girl, "you haven't got one of these." She lifts up her skirt and replies, "with one of these I can get as many of those as I want."

2006-09-05 13:46:33 · 4 answers · asked by Happyworms 4

most craetive one wins.

no swear words allowed.

2006-09-05 13:43:25 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

EVER WONDER WHY THEY USE ABCDEF TO DEFINE BRA SIZES?

A=ABSENT

B=BARELY VISABLE

C=COME IN USEFUL

D=DAMN GOOD

E=ENORMOUS

F=FANTASIC

FF=F**KIN FAKE

2006-09-05 13:42:19 · 10 answers · asked by Happyworms 4

most creative one wins.

no swear words allowed.

2006-09-05 13:41:11 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-05 13:34:49 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

This homeless guy walks into a bar and says,
"Gimme whiskey."

The bartender says, "I'll have to see your money
first."

"I'm broke, sonny, but if you give me a bottle of
whiskey, I'll get up on that stage and fart
Dixie!"

The bartender had never seen someone fart any
kind of song, so he agrees. The homeless guy
drinks the whole bottle of whiskey, then staggers
up on stage and the audience starts applauding.
Then he drops his pants and the audience starts
cheering even louder. Then, he proceeds to ****
all over the stage, and everyone gets disgusted
and leaves.

The bartender screams, "You said you were gonna
fart Dixie! Not **** all over my stage!"

The guy replies, "Hey! Even Bob Dylan has to
clear his throat before he sings!"

2006-09-05 13:27:39 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor
>>
>>manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following
>>
>>warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol
>>
>>containers:
>>
>>
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>
>>
>>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what
>>the
>>
>>hell happened to your bra and panties.
>>
>>
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>
>>
>>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
>>
>>whispering when you are not.
>>
>>
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>
>>
>>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing
>>like a
>>
>>retard.
>>
>>
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>
>>
>>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your
>>friends
>>
>>over and over again that you love them.
>>
>>
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>
>>
>>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can
>>
>>sing.
>>
>>
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>
>>
>>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
>>
>>ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the
>>
>>morning.
>>
>>
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>
>>
>>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
>>
>>logically converse with members of the opposite sex without
>>spitting.
>>
>>
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>
>>
>>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that
>>you
>>
>>are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
>>
>>
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>
>>
>>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people
>>are
>>
>>laughing WITH you.
>>
>>
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>
>>
>>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
>>
>>
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>
>>
>>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in
>>getting
>>
>>your *** kicked.
>>
>>
>>
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>
>>
>>WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcahol may mack you tihnk you can tipe
>>
>>real gud.

2006-09-05 13:27:08 · 2 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

At 85 years of age, Morris married Lou Anne, a lovely 25 year old. Since her
new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding she and
Morris should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new
but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night
together.

After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the
expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens
and there is Morris, her 85 year old groom ready for action. They
unite as one. All goes well, Morris takes leave of his bride, and she
prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock
on her bedroom door, and it's Morris. Again he is ready for more "action".
Somewhat surprised, Lou Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds
are done, Morris kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves. She
is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Morris
again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more
action". And, once again they enjoy each other. But as Morris gets set to
leave again, his young bride says to him, I am thoroughly impressed that at
your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less
than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great
lover, Morris." Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says:


You mean I was here already?"

2006-09-05 13:22:16 · 5 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

I'm sitting here absolutely bored sick, any ideas for something to liven up the night?

2006-09-05 13:22:08 · 30 answers · asked by ? 2

This is pretty easy i guess.....Here goes.....The people who make them dont want them...The people who want them dont use them..and the people who use them dont know it...What am I?

2006-09-05 13:21:41 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-05 13:15:46 · 11 answers · asked by blade_6162 2

Wanted to know what is a good prank to do to one of my friends when he is leaving work or when he is at his apartment?

2006-09-05 13:08:05 · 9 answers · asked by Fast86 1

Three children were late to class one day: two boys and a new girl. The first boy walks in, and when the teacher asks him why he was late, he said, "I was on top of blueberry hill!"
The second boy walks in, and the teacher asks him why he was late. He replies the same thing.
Then the new girl walks in. The teacher asks her to introduce herself. And she says,
"My name is ____________"
First one to get it right, peopleses.

2006-09-05 13:07:10 · 2 answers · asked by sasukexsakura4ever 2

Because today is a good day to DRY!!!

2006-09-05 12:52:31 · 7 answers · asked by nikkoj1975 4

sometimes im half sometimes im full and sometimes a peice of me is all you'll see... what am i? the one who gets it right gets 10 points...

2006-09-05 12:48:11 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

5 presidents are on a plane

Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and George W. Bush.

George Washington says, "I will make someone happy!" and throws a dollar bill off the plane.

Then Abraham Lincoln says, "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.

Then John Adams says, "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.

Then Thomas Jefferson says, "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws George W. Bush off the plane.

2006-09-05 12:14:56 · 72 answers · asked by :) 3

Paddy shows Essex girl the L&R labels in his wellies explaining they mean LEFT and RIGHT. Oh, she says "Now I understand the C&A label in my thong"...

C'mon, you chuckled a little....lol..

2006-09-05 12:10:44 · 13 answers · asked by Platinum 3

Granny and Grandad sitting at the breakfast table. Granny says "do you know, my nipples are as hot for you today as they were 50yrs ago?" Grandad says "course they are, one's in your f*cking coffee and the other is in your f*cking porridge"

Man asks hitman to kill wife. "Sure" says Hitman, "£10,000". Man asks "how will you kill her?" Hit man says he will "shoot her on the left tit". Man says "no good, i want her dead not knee-capped"

Ok they aint the best but, laugh anyway...

2006-09-05 12:01:42 · 19 answers · asked by Platinum 3

what is green and red, and goes 10 miles per hour

2006-09-05 11:59:01 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man keeps begging the tailor to give him a job selling suits. Finally, the tailor tells him that if he can sell his ugliest green suit, that has been on the rack for years, he can have the job.

Two hours later, the new guy calls in for his next assignment. The tailor rushes over to see how this fellow sold the suit. Upon arrival, he sees his new salesman bleeding and scratched, with his clothes ripped to shreds.

"The job is yours!" the tailor says. "But it looks like your client got the best of you."

"Oh, no," the man replies. "This isn't from the man who bought the suit."

"This is from his seeing eye dog!"

2006-09-05 11:55:26 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A very lengthy answer "root",pilfered from wikipeadia because you dont have the originality to think up an answer for yourself,but i prefer the explanation that you realise the slang word for a penis(which you are)is root,and decided ii was a rather apy name for yourself!wikipeadia that penis...i mean "root"

2006-09-05 11:40:58 · 4 answers · asked by silverfox_388 2

on the telly..in adverts...everyone goes on about socks....why dont they think about something else...like containers....for putting coal in....yes sacks.....lets all be sacks mad....:)

2006-09-05 11:30:25 · 11 answers · asked by Sweetpea 3