Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

2006-09-05 04:00:00 · 14 answers · asked by BUDDXX 2

Superman was standing on a hill .watching Wonderwoman with her legs wide open butt naked.Superman was thinking''Since I can fly like the speed of light, maybe I can fly down there and bang her real fast and she won't know who did it!''.So he flew down there did it and flew back up.So Wonderwoman said ''what was that?''and the Invisible man said ''I don't know but my *** hurt''.

2006-09-05 03:57:10 · 9 answers · asked by Da..KINGizHeRe!! 3

it going to be awhile before i get hard i just got laid lol.

2006-09-05 03:46:30 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-05 03:41:43 · 18 answers · asked by ♡Choose Me♡ 1

2006-09-05 03:37:19 · 7 answers · asked by ♡Choose Me♡ 1

2006-09-05 03:29:59 · 6 answers · asked by avi 1

Willys cynical thought for the fugging day;

A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in freaking silence!

Did you hear about the heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers, and many more. None worked.

Then, one day, he was reading the Washington Post when he noticed a small ad that read:

Lose weight
Only $1.00 a pound
Call (202) 555-0238

The man decided to give it a try and called the number. A voice on the other end asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?"

The man responded, "Ten pounds."

The voice replied, "Very well, give me your credit card number and we"ll have a representative over to your house in the morning."

About 9:00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. There stood a beautiful redhead, completely naked except for a sign around her neck stating, "If you catch me, you can have me."

Well, the hefty fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing like a dog, he did catch her. When he was through enjoying himself, she said, "Quick, go into the bathroom and weigh yourself." He did just that and was amazed to find that he had lost ten pounds, right to the ounce!

That evening he called the number again. The voice on the other end asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?"--to which the somewhat-less-overweight man replied, "Twenty pounds."

"Very well," the voice on the phone told him, "Give me your credit card number and we"ll have a representative over to your house in the morning."

At about 8:00 am the next morning the man receives a knock on the door. When he opens the door he sees a beautiful blonde dressed only in track shoes and a sign around her neck stating, "If you catch me, you can have me." The chase took a good while longer this time and the man nearly passed out, but he finally did catch her. When he was through she told him, "Quick, run into the bathroom and weigh yourself." He ran to the bathroom and found he had lost another 20 pounds!

"This is fantastic!" he thought to himself. Later that evening he called the number again and the voice at the other end asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?" "Fifty pounds!" the man exclaimed. "Fifty pounds?" the voice asked, "That"s an awful lot of weight to lose at one time." The man replied, "Listen buddy, here"s my credit card number, you just have your representative over here in the morning!" and he hung up the phone.

About 6:00 am the next morning the man gets out of bed, splashes on some cologne and gets all ready for the next representative.

At about 7:00 am he gets a knock on the door. When he opens the door, he sees this large naked gorilla with a sign around his neck stating,

"IF I CATCH YOU, I'M GOING TO SCREW YOU."

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-09-05 03:19:48 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

tree. If a so-called sportsman, fires a volley of buckshot and kills one half of two thirds of them, how many birds would be left?

2006-09-05 03:05:58 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

Say that after 10 pints of stella!

2006-09-05 02:48:06 · 20 answers · asked by karlos 2

i slowly undid her suspender belt and her leg fell in the river..
who wrote it then???

2006-09-05 02:41:25 · 17 answers · asked by missnikid 4

2006-09-05 02:21:59 · 20 answers · asked by ☆Indian Queen☆ 1

A doctor just injected u but did not ask for fees ,
WHO IS HE ?!

(CLUE : NOT HUMAN)

2006-09-05 02:18:30 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-05 02:12:28 · 10 answers · asked by ? 2

fantastic letters

One person wrote a letter to his wife,

Dear Sweet Heart
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You're my sweetheart


His wife replied back after some days to her husband:


Dearest sweetheart
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1. Milk man was agreed on 2 kisses
2. Teacher agreed on 7 kisses
3. Our house owner is coming every day and taking two or three
kisses of mine
4. Vegetable and food shop keeper was not agreeing
with kisses only, so I have given some other items to him...........
5. Others 40 kisses
Please don't worry for me, I have balance 35 kisses and I hope I can
complete this month.
Shall I plan same way for next months, Please advise?????????

Your Sweet Heart

2006-09-05 01:57:07 · 12 answers · asked by sorena 2

what is that a man does standing, a woman does sitting and a dog does on three legs

no silly answers please

2006-09-05 01:44:55 · 9 answers · asked by stone 4

2006-09-05 01:29:28 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

sometimes it shiny and sometimes it don't.

2006-09-05 01:17:19 · 12 answers · asked by Lorenzo R 1

2006-09-05 00:57:18 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

he said i like thunderbirds,but there will always be a place in my heart for stingray.......sorry dudes...but its funny..

2006-09-05 00:53:01 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous

What walks on four legs in the moning and two legs in the afternoon and three legs in the evening?

2006-09-05 00:42:37 · 13 answers · asked by pete 1

i am sweet somhow round

i am not a veggie , so you should who i am !

i come in diffrent colors green,red,and yellow

i am popular for having a worm in me


did u guess now ill see

you eat me , and you give me to your teacher

it is so healthy , and good for your teeth

CAN YOU GUESS WHO I AM ????

2006-09-05 00:42:24 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-05 00:36:20 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

who thinks they know this one?

2006-09-05 00:33:42 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-05 00:29:40 · 10 answers · asked by captianameriscape 1

2006-09-05 00:23:50 · 6 answers · asked by mwdef 1

2006-09-04 23:58:05 · 37 answers · asked by badgerbadger 3

Wincy spider climbing up the spout

down came the rain and washed poor Incy out

out came the sun and dried up all the rain

Incy Wincy spider climbed up the spout again!

2006-09-04 23:58:02 · 4 answers · asked by vaindoza 2

this is my second joke:

a man and satan are in hell. satan asked the man to choose from 3 rooms and that will be his punishment.
1st room: the person there was being cooked in lava and fire. the man didn't want that so they proceed to the next room.

2nd room: he will be eaten by cannibals. of course the man didn't want that too. he goes to the last room and his last chance too.

3rd room: she saw a sexy lady giving bl0w j0b to a man. obviously the man choses that room and he had no more choice.
satan went up to the lady, tap her at the back and said, "you can go now, i found someone to replace you"

2006-09-04 23:33:18 · 20 answers · asked by vaindoza 2

2006-09-04 23:17:55 · 10 answers · asked by petedavies1976@btinternet.com 1

2006-09-04 23:09:55 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous