2006-09-06 02:36:21 · 16 answers · asked by me! 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
This isnt so much of a joke but true! but darn amusing!
A friend of my mothers (in her 80's) was looking after a friend dog while she was on holiday, and one day she was out walking it and it died! the old lady wondered what to do, and decided to go home and get her car and a hodal to put the dog in, upon her return she just about managed to lift the poor dog in to the hodall, but couldnt lift it in to her boot, a man passing by asked her if she wanted a hand, of which she said yes, so the man lifted up the bag, and legged it! thinking it had something of value in it! imagine the shock!
2006-09-06 03:48:34 · answer #1 · answered by pink 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she said as she smiled.
2006-09-06 11:15:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bill Gates meets Hugh Grant at a Hollywood party. They are talking and Bill says: "I've seen some great pictures of Divine Brown lately, I sure would like to get together with her!"
Hugh replies: "Well Bill, you know ever since our incident, her price has skyrocketed, she's charging a small fortune."
Bill: "Hugh, money's no object to me. What's her number." So, Hugh gives Bill her number and Bill sets up a date.
They meet & after they finish, Bill is lying there in ecstasy, mumbling "God...now I know why you chose the name Divine."
To which she replies: "Thank you, Bill.....and now I know how you chose the name ..... Microsoft."
2006-09-06 09:50:12 · answer #3 · answered by wes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Three men were out playing golf. They got to a difficult hole with a pond in the middle of it. The first man gets up and hits the ball. It arcs through the air and lands right in the lake. He walks up to the water's edge and raises his arms. The water in the lake parts and he walks down to find his ball and proceeds to get a hole in 4. The next man walks up and hits the ball. It arcs through the air and lands on top of the water and just floats. He walks across the surface of the water and proceeds to hit off the top of the lake. He ends up getting a hole in 3. The next golfer steps up and hits a shot that also lands in the lake. Just then a fish pops out of the water and carries his ball to shore. A squarrel runs down a tree, grabs the ball and carries it up a tree where an eagle swoops down and grabs the ball. The eagle flies over and drops the ball in the hole so the third golfer get a hole in one. Then Moses turns to Jesus and says, "I hate playing with your Dad."
2006-09-06 09:43:50 · answer #4 · answered by taninriff 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, with his wife tagging along.
When the doctor enters the exam room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."
The old man being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells, "WHAT? What did he say? What does he want?"
His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear!"
2006-09-06 10:10:11 · answer #5 · answered by flowermama1971 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a bit sick, but it's funny. Bloke has bad acne. He goes to his doctors, who suggests that he chops off his house-mates' head, boil it in a pan and put the juices on his face. He does this, and in a week his face clears up. So he goes back to the doctor and says "thanks doc, it worked a treat, what do you call it?"
Doctor replies "pal-o-mine lotion"!
Another
What do you get if you cross a rooster, dog and a cow?
"****-a-poodle-moo". First word there is c*o*c*k, but it scrambles it, sorry.
2006-09-06 09:44:19 · answer #6 · answered by cocpony 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did Mary fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Why did John fall off the swing?
He thought it was a game.
Stupid I know but I thought they were hilarious the first time I heard them!
2006-09-06 09:40:02 · answer #7 · answered by pinklady23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1 fine day, Power Ranger saw Doraemon. Power Ranger says hi but Doraemon didn't reply. Why?
Ans: Doraemon does not have any ears:) LOL
2006-09-06 10:16:18 · answer #8 · answered by Greez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Scottish blokes wear skirts!
2006-09-06 09:40:06 · answer #9 · answered by donjuan6212 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
England fans are friendly
2006-09-06 09:39:08 · answer #10 · answered by wardycool2002 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋