Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

The Cryptogram below is a person's name that is associated with the United States Government. Figure out the cryptogram and write that person's name in the answer space!

HJ. YPBHPQUUSSV JMYU

NOTE: Do not forget to include the period (.) in the "HJ."

2006-09-06 08:12:36 · 6 answers · asked by Becki 2

I have been studying so much and now i need to refresh,i just think jokes would do for me.I promise I would reward you guys for each and every joke.PEACE!

2006-09-06 08:11:25 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

over the past few days, i keep getting calls from 386-944-0098. some are less than 5 minutes apart, but when i answer, it hangs up. if i call back it says "all attendants are busy, please remain on the line" then in a moment it says "your call is next in line" but no one ever answers. I have waited literally 45 minutes and no one answers. Do you know where this number is from? i am a former repo man and i have used my formidable resources to find out who it belongs to, but no one knows. if nothing else at least call it and hopefuly the wave of incoming calls will wreak some kind of havoc on their end....

2006-09-06 08:09:21 · 6 answers · asked by s j 3

Right..

There's 3 guyz who go to a restaurant and run up a bill of Rs. 75. They pay for it. So each one's contribution is Rs. 25 each.

The cashier's having a good day and decides to give them a Rs. 5 discount and hands it over to the waiter.

The waiter is confused... how does he split Rs. 5 in three. So he pockets Rs. 2 and gives Rs. 3 back. That makes it a discount of Re. 1 for each.

So... Their contribution now reduces to Rs. 24 which multipled by 3 is Rs. 72 and the Rs. 2 are in the waiter's pocket which makes is Rs. 74...

But wait where is the remaining Re. 1???


Ps. Tried to crack it real hard... but haven't been able to figure out.

2006-09-06 08:04:29 · 23 answers · asked by spido 1

2006-09-06 08:04:10 · 9 answers · asked by Tom 4

2006-09-06 08:03:08 · 31 answers · asked by stealthstu69 1

Someone help with some good pranks!

2006-09-06 07:45:36 · 12 answers · asked by Keith C 1

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador Retriever and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

2006-09-06 07:45:25 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

I LAUGH TOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-09-06 07:29:49 · 6 answers · asked by maria_d_espiritu 1

Joe was out for a walk when it started to rain. He did not have an umbrella and he wasn't wearing a hat. His clothes were soaked, yet not a single hair on his head got wet. How could this happen?

2006-09-06 07:29:30 · 34 answers · asked by Rob W 1

I have three other brothers. We all Lead Different ways.

My first brother is very spunky. He's never down. He can be really cool sometimes. I love him and its good to be on his side sometimes,but some of his advice can lead to icy roads.

My next brother is lazy,a real dread to be around. He can often get worried and Depressed. He can be a REAL BITTCH TOO!! I love him, But he usually leads people to heated situations.

Now, my next brother. WE ARE TOTALLY OPPOSITE!! He gets on my nerve. Everything i do, he has to counter it. Im usually the best in a fight, But sometimes can be good with the jab. Politically, WE STAY ARGURING!!! I love him too, but he doesnt fell the same for me, He stays with his back to me!!!

Now me...Im the genius of the 4. I only speak the truth, Facts is what i live by. Some people dont like listen to me, they ignore when i speak. I dont worry though, I got plenty of friends. Im famous, everyone wants to be me. But sorry, some people are bad actors!!!

2006-09-06 07:23:31 · 14 answers · asked by Chris D 1

the funniest gets 10 points.

2006-09-06 07:21:37 · 6 answers · asked by adri super feliz forever 2

2006-09-06 07:20:30 · 2 answers · asked by Suraj S 1

Did he see A: Forest Fire B: His sexually unappealing wife C: Another mountain or D: Popsicles?

2006-09-06 07:13:05 · 13 answers · asked by Nickname 3

2006-09-06 07:07:06 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-06 06:43:20 · 13 answers · asked by VanillaIce 3

This Scottish farmer walks into the neighborhood pub, and orders a whiskey.
"Ye see that fence over there?" he says to the bartender. "Ah built it with me own two hands! Dug up the holes with me shovel, chopped doon the trees for the posts by me ownself, laid every last rail! But do they call me 'McGregor the Fence-Builder?' No..."
He gulps down the whiskey and orders another. "Ye see that pier on the loch?" He continues, "Ah built it me ownself, too. Swam oot into the loch to lay the foondations, laid doon every single board! But do they call me 'McGregor the Pier-Builder?' No."
"But ye screw ONE sheep...."

2006-09-06 06:34:11 · 11 answers · asked by VetteLeo 6

2006-09-06 06:33:45 · 10 answers · asked by wild _horse_ 2006 1

I don't know whts a hen weigh lol
i know pretty lame huh?

2006-09-06 06:28:31 · 6 answers · asked by wild _horse_ 2006 1

A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You foreigners Come in. Come into my humbleshop." So the married couple walked in.
The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex hero he was. The husband asked the man, "how could sandals make you into a sex freak?"
The Pakistani man replied, "Why don't you try them on and see for yourself?" Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on.

2006-09-06 06:15:33 · 11 answers · asked by VetteLeo 6

2006-09-06 06:09:44 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A married couple has been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky. The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there.
"Now we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts."
The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tower to stand watch. Soon the couple on the ground are placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper. The second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!"
They yell back, "We're not screwing!"
A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!"
Again they yell back, "We're not screwing!"

2006-09-06 06:08:30 · 10 answers · asked by VetteLeo 6

I Hate Many
Many Hate Me
Many Love Me
I've created paranoia
I've love creating Stereotypes
I've made some men ghost-like
I have made friends with Great Leaders,
Im Known all over the world,
I even killed a King,
I've painted history in all Colors, But my greatest Masterpiece is in Black and White.
Other then Religion, IM THE GREATEST MASS MURDERER IN HISTORY!!

What AM I??

2006-09-06 06:01:06 · 15 answers · asked by Chris D 3

2006-09-06 05:44:27 · 9 answers · asked by fxbeto 4

Old Sid, pub regular, sitting in his favourite chair sometimes suddenly comes out with "And that's not my thermometer" and laughs, so we suspect it's a joke. Anyone know it?

2006-09-06 05:41:09 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man walked into a second-story bar and ordered a drink. The man next to him began a conversation about wind currents in the area. The first man said he didn't understand what was so special about the wind, so the second man said, "Let me demonstrate."
With that, he went to the window, jumped out, did a little spin in midair and came back in. "See how great the currents are? You can do the same thing."
After few more drinks and much prodding, the first man decided to test the wind currents. He went to the window, jumped out, and fell to the ground.
The bartender looked at the other man and said, "Superman you're really mean when you're drunk."

2006-09-06 05:40:52 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy walked into a pub and immediately noticed a young lady at the bar on her own. After a couple of drinks he decided to offer her a drink and make small talk. She accepted.
"What's your name?" he asked her.
"Carmen," she replied.
"That's a nice name. Did your mother or father name you that?"
"Neither. I changed my name when I was eighteen from Sharon to Carmen."
"Why did you do that?" he asked.
"Well," she explained, "I like men... and I like cars, so I figured, cars... men and that is how I got my name. What's your name?"
the man replies, "Beerpussy."

2006-09-06 05:32:53 · 30 answers · asked by VetteLeo 6

2006-09-06 05:31:12 · 6 answers · asked by Douchebag 2

Miss Annabell had just returned from her big trip to New York City and was having refreshments on the front porch of her daddy's mansion with her southern belle friends. She tells them the stories of her trip as they stare spellbound. "
You just wouldn't believe what they have there in New York City," says Miss Annabell. "They have men there who kiss other men on the lips."
Miss Annabell's friends fan themselves and say, "Oh my! Oh my!"
"They call them homosexuals," proclaims Miss Annabell.
"Oh my! Oh my," proclaim the girls as they fan themselves.
"They also have women there in New York City who kiss other women on the lips!"
"Oh my! Oh my," exclaim the girls. "What do they call them?" they ask.
"They call them lesbians," says Miss Annabell.
"They also have men who kiss women between the legs, there in New York City," sighs Miss Annabell.
"Oh my! Oh my! Oh my," exclaim the girls as the sit on the edge of their chairs and fan themselves even faster.

2006-09-06 05:20:32 · 10 answers · asked by VetteLeo 6

2006-09-06 05:09:15 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous