What's the funniest joke you've heard in the last week?

Answer 1

what's green, slimy, and smells like pork?
kermit's finger.
♣

Answer 2

The Magician and The Parrot A magician worked on a cruise deliver. The target audience replaced into diverse each week so the magician did an analogous tricks over and throughout back. there replaced into surely one concern: The captain's parrot said the exhibits each week and began to know how the magician did each trick. once he understood, he began shouting contained in the technique the practice, "seem, it truly is not any longer an analogous hat!" or, "seem, he's hiding the flowers lower than the table!" or, "hiya, why are all the playing cards the ace of spades?" The magician replaced into livid yet couldn't do something. It replaced into, in spite of everything, the captain's parrot. Then one stormy nighttime on the Pacific, the deliver regrettably sank, drowning basically about all who were on board. The magician fortuitously discovered himself on a chunk of timber floating contained in the technique the sea, as destiny might want to have it ... with the parrot. They stared at one yet another with hatred, yet did not utter a be conscious. This went on for an afternoon... and then 2 days .. and then 3 days . finally on the 4th day, the parrot might want to no longer carry back from now on and suggested ..... "ok, I supply up. the position's the f__kin' deliver?"

Answer 3

There is a couple walking through a museum looking at the paintings. They stop at one that shows three naked black men. But, one of the men has a pink penis. The curator comes along and begins to explain the painting and what it might mean. After the curator walks away, an old man comes up and says "You really want to know about that picture?" The couple says "How would you know more than the curator?" The old man replies "Because I painted it. And those aren't black men.They're three Cole miners, and that one went home for lunch."

Answer 4

a man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie!

The genie says, "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes."

The man says "Great! I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want one billion dollars in a Swiss bank account."

Poof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand!

He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here."

Poof! There is a flash of light and a bright red, brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him!

He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women."

Poof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.

Answer 5

The plane is having some difficulties, the engine doesn't work correctly and a flight-assistant announces : Dear passengers this plane is going to crash down unless we get rid of three people in here. Silence. No-one wants to volunteer. Suddenly a good-looking American stands up and says : "For America!" and jumps out. Silence again. Then a Russian stands up and cries : "Za Rusju!" and leaps off. One more man. Silence. All of a sudden a guy jumps on his feet, grabs the nearest black guy and pushes him out of the plane saying "For Nicaragua!"

Answer 6

Just got it today from this website......typed it out for a friend, but not going to type it again. E-mail me & I might be able to scan it & send it to you, The person who posted it was VetteLeo. It's about an Am couple who walks into a Pakistani sandal shop.

Answer 7

An 86 year-old man came into my work and told me this one:

People see my wife and they come up and ask, "Is that your first wife"?

"No, that's my third wife"

"What happened to the other 2 wives"?

"The first one died from eating poison mushrooms. The second wife wouldn't eat the poison mushrooms so I shot her."

Answer 8

A man went to heaven to become an angel, while waiting his turn, he heard another man inside screaming, so he asked the responsible angel:
-why he is screaming?
-we r making him a hole for the ring in his head

5 min later, he heard the men screaming again
-and now why he is screaming?
-we r making a hole for his Right wing

5 min later, he heard the men screaming again
-and now why he is screaming?
-we r making a hole for his Left wing

The men said frustrated:
-send me to hell, they only make one hole, and I already have it

Answer 9

Sorry, I have already posted my funny jokes.

You will have to look for my picture to read them.