Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

Think upon it.Its not that much easy.
Hint:Think upon the varieties of the bear.

2006-09-07 04:26:44 · 14 answers · asked by Suneel Meena 1

http://www.matthewbarr.co.uk/simpsons/

Take this simple test then state which one you are most like.

I am Marge.

2006-09-07 04:11:45 · 52 answers · asked by MissBehave 5

Baritos for $1.05 get them hot and fresh and it's cheap to buy said Prince Aleksander Jr. who lives in a college dorm. He calls up his brother Prince Petar and asks him Petar did you eat your barito today? Petar says to Aleksander Jr., No Aleksander I don't eat too much baritos here in Europe so please ask some other people at your college sorry!

2006-09-07 04:06:05 · 3 answers · asked by April Ann Codon Cruz 2

Your luck depends upon your answer.You can choose only one girl as your wife.All the best and long and happy married life.This 'Q' is strictly for bachelors.

2006-09-07 03:43:33 · 5 answers · asked by 6000 YEAR IMMORTAL & YOUNG TAMIL 1

British pre-decimalization related questions:

A Stone = ??
A Singer = ?
Part of a monkeys leg = ?
Mars, Jupiter and Saturn = ?
An unwell Sea Creature =?

ones I have already got:
A Bicycle = farthing
A Mans Name = bob
A leather worker =tanner
Kind of pig = guinea
50% of pants = Nicker
Strike repeatedly = pound
A royal head-dress = crown

2006-09-07 03:34:25 · 14 answers · asked by Angus T 1

First correct answer gets the ten!

2006-09-07 03:26:53 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

As I was going to St. Ives,
I met a man with seven wives.
Each wife had seven sacks,
Each sack had seven cats,
Each cat had seven kits.
Kits, cats, sacks and wives,
How many were going to St. Ives?

2006-09-07 03:18:25 · 4 answers · asked by dksecret2 2

Bill Gates passes away and goes up to heaven where he
is met by God.
Well, Bill," said God, "I'm really confused on this
one. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or
Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by
putting a computer in almost every home in the world,
and yet you created that ghastly Windows.

"I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm
going to let you decide where you want to go"



Bill replied, "Well thanks, God. What's the difference
between the two?"


God said, "You take a peek at both places briefly if
it will help you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?"

"Sure" said Bill, "Let's go!"

Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach
with clear waters.There were thousands of beautiful
men and women running around, playing in the water,
laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and
the temperature was perfect.

"This is great!" said Bill. "If this is Hell, I can't
wait to see heaven."

God replied, "Let's go!" and so off they went to
Heaven. Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful
blue sky with angels drifting about playing harps and
singing. It was nice, but surely not as enticing as
Hell.
Bill Gates thought for only a brief moment and
rendered his decision.
God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell."


As you desire," said God.

Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late
billionaire to see how things were going. He found
Bill Gates shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the
hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and
tortured by demons.

How ya doin', Bill?" asked God.

Bill responded with anguish and despair, "This is
awful! This is not what I expected at all! What
happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing
in the water?"

"Oh THAT?!" said God. "That was the Screen Saver."

2006-09-07 03:15:45 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man started garment business. All the ready stock taged at rate of $ 1 per piece. But his actual cost was $2 per piece. How he become millionaire.......?

First correct answer will get 10 points.

2006-09-07 03:08:23 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is always an ***-hole in front f you

2006-09-07 03:06:55 · 12 answers · asked by Stewy 2

any type

2006-09-07 03:06:32 · 11 answers · asked by bloom 1

2006-09-07 03:04:31 · 17 answers · asked by mica 2

On a crowded train and heading home, a war weary U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, the only seat that could have possibly been made available was taken by a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.
The Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My Fifi is using that seat."

The Marine not wanting to create a scene walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"

The Marine didn't say a word, he picked up the little dog, tossed it out of the train window, and sat down. The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honour! Put this American in his place!"

An English gentleman was sitting nearby and in perfect Queens English, spoke up, "Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong ***** out of the window."

2006-09-07 02:53:49 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

What lives as long as it eats but dies when it drinks?

2006-09-07 02:47:16 · 16 answers · asked by dksecret2 2

Does anyone know any more of these?
What are they called?

2006-09-07 02:44:51 · 13 answers · asked by elliott 4

Mrs Pilkinton has been caught having a one night stand!!!! After the recent scare with gooses near pregnancy, you'd have thought she show a little more restraint!!!
Hippo went down to the kitchen in the middle of the night for a glass of milk (yes Hippos drink milk) and lets just say, he got more than he bargained for. The site of Mrs Pilkinton bending over the chest freezer will stay with him for a VERY long time.

What can we all do to take his mind off of things? I'm thinking some poetry would be nice but it's up to you.

2006-09-07 02:42:26 · 6 answers · asked by markhatter 6

what did the gay alien say when he landed on earth?
answer-take me to your peter...lol

2006-09-07 02:40:42 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

>What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever
>wonder
>about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have!
>all
>been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
>How
>about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
>Here's a little mathematical formula that might
help you answer
>these
>questions:
>If:
>A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
>is represented as:
>1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25
>26.
>Then:
>
>H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
>8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

>and

>K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
>11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

>But,

>A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
>1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
>
>And,

>B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
>2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
>AND, look how far *** kissing will take you.
>A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
>1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
>So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While hardwork and Knowledge will get you there

2006-09-07 02:27:37 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

An Australian was showing an American around his country. First he showed him Kosciusko mountain. The American responded disdainfully: "In America, the mountains ar MUCH bigger!"

The Australian then showed him the Great Victoria Desert. The American again: "In America, the deserts are MUCH bigger!"

The Australian, getting a little irritated, then showed him the Q1 Tower. And again the American responded: "In America, the Towers are MUCH bigger!"

By now the Australian was quite bored with the American. Then the American saw a Kangaroo hopping, and shouted: "What on Earth is THAT?!?!" The Australian calmly asked: "Why, have you never seen a mouse before?"

2006-09-07 02:20:20 · 13 answers · asked by Walter W. Krijthe 4

Rednecks
A North Carolina redneck passed

away and left his entire estate in

trust for his beloved widow.

However, she can't touch it

until she turns 14.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Folks in Georgia now go to

some movies in groups of

18 or more. They were

told 17 and under are not

admitted.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The minimum drinking age in

Tennessee has been raised to

32. It seems they want to keep

alcohol out of the high schools.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In Mississippi, reruns of "Hee Haw"

are called documentaries.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How can you tell if a West Virginia

redneck is married? There's dried

tobacco spit on both sides of his

pickup truck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tennessee has a new $3,000,000

State Lottery. The winner gets $3 a

year for a million years.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Recently, the Governor's Mansion

in Little Rock burned down. In fact,

it took out the whole trailer park.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The best thing to ever come out

of Arkansas is Interstate 40.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(And my very favorite.........)

An Alabama State Trooper stopped a

pickup truck. He asked the driver,

"Got any ID?" The driver said,

"Bout what?"

2006-09-07 02:18:16 · 6 answers · asked by Keith C 1

First correct guess wins.
No offensive or profane answers plz.

2006-09-07 01:46:56 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-07 01:12:33 · 12 answers · asked by animallover 1

With seven "2" (2,2,2,2,2,2,2,2), how can you make 100?

You can add and substract and multiply and divide.
You can also make 22, 222, 2222 etc..putting numbers together.

The first one who solve it will get the best answer...

2006-09-07 00:53:13 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

When travelling from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean on the Panama Canal, does one travel east or west?

2006-09-07 00:51:14 · 15 answers · asked by True Blood 2

What is the maximum number of times a normal sheet of (news)paper can be folded in half by hand?

2006-09-07 00:45:18 · 20 answers · asked by True Blood 2

Try to keep them short tho; like my attention span

2006-09-07 00:42:17 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous

In the Massacre of the Innocents under Herod, a number of poor little children were buried in the sand with only their feet sticking out. How might you distinguish the boys from the girls?

2006-09-07 00:40:51 · 8 answers · asked by True Blood 2

Three men go to a motel one night. They book into a room at the cost of $10 each. When they go up to the room the receptionist realises he has overcharged them by $5 each, so he gives the $5 to the he bellhop and tells him to return it to them. Now the bellhop realises that he has an opportunity to make some money so he pockets two of the three dollers and returns $1 doller to each of the men. This means that each of the men paid $9 each for the room. $9 X 3 = $27. If the $2 that the bellhop pocketed is added onto this it makes $29. Where did the other doller go?

2006-09-07 00:24:54 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

meanings of:
lol-
lmao-
xoxo-
afk-
brb-
gtg-

can't think of anything else

2006-09-07 00:22:37 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-07 00:14:22 · 8 answers · asked by True Blood 2