im really bored....so id u have any good jokes plz write them down...im sssooo bored....
2006-09-06 11:54:36 · 12 answers · asked by ? 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows
When the old man passes gas and says “Seven Points”.
His wife rolls over and says “What in the world was that?”
The old man replied , “It’s fart football.”
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says “Touchdown tie score.”
After about five minutes the old man lets one go and says,
“Aha I’m ahead 14 to 7 .”
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,
“Touchdown tie score.”
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says,
“Field goal, I lead 17 to 14. “ Now the pressure is on the old man.
He refuses to be beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard,
Since defeat is totally unacceptable , he gives it everything he’s got,
And accidently poops in the bed.
The wife says , “ What the hell was that? “
The old man says , “ Half time switch sides . “
2006-09-06 13:31:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
For The Kids...
A ghost joke
Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?
Because you can see right through them!
A vampire joke
What does a vampire bath in?
A bat tub!
A werewolf joke
Why did the boy take a pain killer after hearing a werewolf howl?
Because it gave him eerie ache!
A vampire joke
What does Dracula say when you tell him something interesting?
Well fangcy that!
A werewolf joke
What do you call a hairy beast that is lost?
A where-wolf!
A vampire joke
What flavour ice cream is Dracula's favourite?
Veinilla!
A werewolf joke
What do you call a hairy beast in a river?
A weir-wolf!
What is the best day of the week to sleep?
Snooze-day!
How many rotten eggs does it take to make a stink bomb?
A phew!
What do cannibals eat for breakfast?
Buttered host!
What holds the sun up in the sky?
Sunbeams!
What does "Maximum" mean?
A very big mother!
What is full of holes but can still hold water?
A sponge!
Why is perfume obedient?
Because it is scent wherever it goes!
What's black and white all over and difficult?
An exam paper!
Why aren't you doing very well in history?
Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
The Spanish explorers went round the world in a galleon.
How many galleons did the get to the mile!
What kind of lighting did Noah use for the ark?
Floodlights!
What's the best way of talking to a warty witch?
By telephone!
Why was the werewolf arrested at the butchers shop?
He was caught chop lifting!
What happened to the skeleton who went to a party?
All the others used him as a coat rack!
Why did the skeleton go to hospital?
To have his ghoul stones removed!
What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower?
A bat mat!
Why did the vampire enjoy ballroom dancing?
He could really get into the vaultz!
What did the demon do when he bought a new house?
He called it "Gnome Sweet Gnome"!
How do you make milk shake?
Give it a good scare!
Do you know the time?
No, we haven't met yet!
What sleeps at the bottom of the sea?
A kipper!
What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A nervous wreck!
What soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
Seasoned troopers!
Did you hear about the man who had BO on one side only?
He bought Right Guard, but couldn't find any Left Guard!
What has two humps and is found at the North Pole?
A lost camel!
2006-09-06 19:04:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A little boy knock on a woman's house. She opened up and the little boy said "can you buy my duck, I need money". She said, "no". At this point she saw her husband coming over and she said, hurry, get in the closet, my husband is really jealous. So the little boy got into the closet and there was another man.The little boy asked the guy "can you buy my duck, I need money". The guy said, "no, and keep quiet or the husband will kill me!" The little boy said, "if you don't buy it I scream!" "Ok, how much?" said the guy. So the kid said, "$200, or I'll scream." "Ok" said the guy and paid off the little kid. the kid went home and explained his mom what happened and the mom said "you have to go to church and confess it to the priest" So he went to the priest and explained what happened and the priest got really mad and said "so it was you!"
2006-09-06 19:16:26 · answer #3 · answered by meeee_3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
On a carriage in a train sits a a Australian and Kiwi male, an old lady and a young swedish girl with large breasts. As they pass through a dark tunnel there is a loud slap and when they emerge from the darkness the Kiwi fella has a red handprint on the side of his face.
The old lady thinks: "that kiwi fellow must have tried to grap that girls breasts so she slapped him."
The swedish girl thinks:"that kiwi fellow must have tried to grab my breasts but instead touch the old lady so she slapped him."
The kiwi fellow thinks:"That aussie fellow must have grabbed that swedish girls breasts and she accidently slapped me instead."
The Aussie fellow thinks:"I can't wait till the next dark tunnel so i can slap that Kiwi again."
:)
2006-09-06 20:08:02 · answer #4 · answered by Evasive tactics 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a good one
Two parents took there son on a vacation and go on a nude beach. the father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.
The son comes running up to his mom and says. "Mommy, i saw two ladies with boobies a lot bigger then yours!"
The mom says. "the bigger they are, the dumber they are." he then goes back to play. minutes later he runs back and says, "mommy, i saw men with bigger dingers then daddy's!"
the mom then says. "the bigger they are, the dumber they are."
so he goes back to play. several minutes later he comes running back and says, "mommy, i just saw daddy talking to the dumbest lady i ever saw and the more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"
this joke is not meant to offend anyone
hope you liked it i have many more at hand.
2006-09-06 19:16:55 · answer #5 · answered by NoOneKnowsMe 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A lice (tiny bug) living on the head of a gal decided to travel south. After 3 days of travel, the head lice met a pubic lice and ask him: "How life is down here buddy?" Pretty good thanks replied the pubic lice! I have satin sheath, perfume, and fresh powder!!! Well come to think about it, recently a "big monster came in and out and in and out and finally spit onto my face"!!!
2006-09-06 19:32:25 · answer #6 · answered by Tony I 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry, I have already posted my funny jokes.
You will have to look for my picture to read them.
This will keep you from being bored.
2006-09-07 02:54:52 · answer #7 · answered by Dew Drop 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there were two muffins in the oven, one muffin turned to the other and said "is it hot in here or is it just me?" The other muffin said "AHHH a talking muffin!"
2006-09-06 18:58:14 · answer #8 · answered by earthtojeni 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."
The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper.'"
The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper."
The father looked at him and said, "Okay, why don't you whisper in my ear."
2006-09-06 19:19:17 · answer #9 · answered by lovers fool 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
what's green, slimy, and smells like pork?
kermit's finger.
â£
2006-09-06 19:06:51 · answer #10 · answered by VetteLeo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋