There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty
years. Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an
enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance.
"You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always
complained.
After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her
revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the
bed next to the old boy's a rse. While making breakfast
downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate
through the floorboards followed by a scream. Twenty minutes
later a rather shaken man came downstairs.
"You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally
did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two
fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!"
he he he...
2006-09-06 19:33:32 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Oh BaBy, that is something to keep you giggling for a while! But here is a little follow-up!
I just imagine what a giant he must be, the old boy, and what a big a.. hole his must be! Maybe, that was his last fart and his Missus must have been relieved. Do you think so? Wrong!
Wait a minute, what did his Missus hear from the toilet? Oh, boy, a big splash and there went down the flush the poor turkey!
So, what next if he farts again? Could it be the head of Missus!
(To be continued in the next episode!)
How about that BaBy!
Cheers!
2006-09-06 19:47:55 · answer #1 · answered by Sami V 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Make women happy - Demerit Point System explained
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
* You make the bed ....................+1
* You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.... 0
* You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1
* You leave the toilet seat up.............-5
* You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............ 0
* When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
* When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2
* You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
* in the snow...............+8
* but return with beer..........-5
* and no liners....................-25
* You check out a suspicious noise at night....... 0
* You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............ 0
* You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5
* You pummel it with a six iron...........+10
* It's her cat.........................-40
HER BIRTHDAY
* You take her out to dinner................ 0
* You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+1
* Okay, it is a sports bar..........-2
* And it's all-you-can-eat night....-3
* It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team......-10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
* Go with a pal.........................+5
* The pal is happily married............+4
* Or frighteningly single...............-7
* And he drives a Ferrari...............-10
* With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED)........-15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
* You take her to a movie...............+2
* You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
* You take her to a movie you hate......+6
* You take her to a movie you like......-2
* It's called Death Cop 3...............-3
* Which features Cyborgs that eat humans....-9
* You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
* You develop a noticeable pot belly.............-15
* You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it...............................+10
* You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.......-30
* You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."......-800
THE BIG QUESTION (a no win question)
* She asks, "Do I look fat?"
* You hesitate in responding.....-10
* You reply, "Where?"............-35
* Any other response.............-20
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
* You listen, displaying a concerned _expression...... 0
* You listen, for over 30 minutes....................+5
* You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV..................................+100
* She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep....-200
2006-09-06 20:16:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read this
WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN
Dogs don't cry (unless they have to pee).
Dogs love it when your friends come over.
Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
Dogs think you sing great.
A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you
Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
Dogs are excited by rough play.
Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
Dogs understand that farts are funny.
Dogs love red meat.
Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
Dogs don't shop.
Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
A dog's parents never visit.
Dogs love long car trips.
Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.
When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly, you can shoot it.
Dogs like beer.
Dogs don't hate their bodies.
No dog ever bought a Kenny G or Hootie & the Blowfish album.
No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.
Dogs never criticize.
Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
Dogs never expect gifts.
It's legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.
Dogs don't worry about germs.
Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had.
Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer.
Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one.
You never have to wait for a dog, they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.
Dogs don't borrow your shirts.
Dogs never want foot-rubs.
Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
Dogs can't talk. Dogs aren't catty.
Dogs seldom outlive you.
HOW DOGS AND WOMEN ARE ALIKE
Both look stupid in hats.
Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.
Both tend to have "hip" problems.
Neither understand football.
Both look good in a fur coat.
Both are good at pretending that they're listening to every word you say.
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Both constantly want back rubs.
Neither can balance a check book.
You can never tell what either of them is thinking.
Both put too much value on kissing.
HOW WOMEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS
It is socially acceptable to have sexual relations with a woman.
Women look good in sweaters.
Women leave the room to fart.
Though they only have two, women's breasts are far more interesting.
2006-09-06 19:37:04 · answer #3 · answered by jay Z 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
effective. a keep clerk knocked on the door of a house in a sparkling housing progression and a lady spoke back the door. He began, "Ma'am, i'm promoting the utmost up-to-date innovation in vacuums, it is the most acceptable little device I fairly have considered in a lengthy time period," and with that, he proceeded to unload on her new carpet a mixture of ketchup, salsa, airborne dirt and dust, grape juice, and so on. as she watched, horrified. He reported, "If this vacuum would not freshen up that mess, i will devour it!" She reported, "do you want a fork?! we've not were given the means on yet!"
2016-11-06 19:23:32 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Baby, Another greatttt story.I love it.You should write a book of jokes and sell them.I would buy one.Your good.
Clowmy
2006-09-06 20:05:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
EEWwwwww!!! LMAO!!!
Serves Him Right....LOL!!
Good One...Sent To My Friends To Give Them A Good Laugh Too!!
2006-09-07 03:22:22 · answer #6 · answered by XXSEXY66XX 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did my husband leave the video camera on in our bedroom again?
2006-09-06 19:36:58 · answer #7 · answered by Jeezuss Jan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL omg very nice
2006-09-06 20:22:05 · answer #8 · answered by mike 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
old people are good for sometihng hug
2006-09-06 19:37:46 · answer #9 · answered by k dog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a good one!!!!!!!!!!!!it brought tears to my eyes.
2006-09-07 13:54:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋