If you make me laugh enough, i'll send 10 your way.
2006-09-07 12:30:26 · 13 answers · asked by pedlamaniacs 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Hope these aren't too much in "bad taste" but here goes. Hope they make you smile/chuckle/laugh and brighten you day a bit. :)
Man goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, I've got a bar of soap stuck up me bum" and the doctor said to him, "Well that's life, boy!" :)
Teenaged girl taken to the doctors by her mum with a bad chest. Doctor puts his stethoscope against her chest and says, "Big Breaths" and the girl replies, "Yeth, and I'm only thixteen." :)
Did you hear about the 2 gay ghosts? They spent all day putting the willies up each other. :)
And finally before I bore you further - try saying this out loud to yourself if it helps you work it out ... if the plural of hippopotamus is hippopotomi and the plural of rhinocerous is rhinoceri, what's the plural of whatanitamus?
And with that I thank you and good night! lol
2006-09-07 12:43:56 · answer #1 · answered by mancunian_nick 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What Do I Look Like?
A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"
The husband just looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like, Mr.Plumber?
A few days went by, and he comes home from work and again his wife asks for a favor, "Honey, the car won't start, I think that it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"
"What do I look like, Mr.Goodwrench?" was his response.
Another couple of weeks go by, and it's raining pretty hard. His wife then finds a leak in the roof. She pleads with him as he's walking through the door. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"
He just looked at her and said, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" and sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV.
One weekend the husband woke up and it was pouring pretty hard, but the leak on the roof was gone! Speaking of leaks, he also went to take a shower, and he found that the one pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either.
His wife was coming home just then, and as she walked through the door, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks and the car's running?"
She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I was picking up the mail, and I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything." "Wow, did he charge us anything?" asked the husband. "No, he just said that he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him," she said.
"Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" asked the husband.
"Cake? What the hell do you think I look like, Betty Crocker?
2006-09-07 12:42:18 · answer #2 · answered by jussmessin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can actually go to bored.com and they have games, riddle and stuff like that..
or here is a little joke
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
"Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
2006-09-07 12:32:22 · answer #3 · answered by 1 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Just imagine the person you hate the most sliding about on a banana skin.
2006-09-07 12:32:38 · answer #4 · answered by Suzita 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I try and put alot of funny stuff on my group page check it out
2006-09-07 13:57:19 · answer #5 · answered by mark d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its thanksgiving and this family, lets call them the browns, is having a party. the little girl goes up to her mom and asks "mom, whats a *****?" The mom replies "Oh, thats a lady sweety." "What's a bastard?" Oh, thats a gentlman sweety." "ok." the mom is cutting the turkey and she says "f**k!" The little girl asks "Whats f**k?" the mom replies "Oh, thats a seasoning that goes on the turkey. "ok" The girl goes upstairs to talk to her dad. her dad is shaving and he cuts himself. he says "s**t!" the little girl asks "Whats s**t?" the dad replies "Oh thats the shaving cream." "ok" the girl goes downstairs to greet the guests coming in. she says "Hi bitches and bastards. Can i take your coats? My mom and dad would be here to greet you but my moms f**king the turkey and my dads wiping s**t off his face."
2006-09-07 13:02:11 · answer #6 · answered by Kee-wee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe
hohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohoho
snort
cough
quick, someone get me a tissue ive got a massive greenie oozing out my nostrils
2006-09-08 05:00:41 · answer #7 · answered by supersam82 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a peek at rotten.com
2006-09-07 12:32:18 · answer #8 · answered by Lorraine R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I want to be a mongoose, can i be a mongoose dog?
I like to smell water melons...NOT
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=3A88305D0FEEE6E8
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=C89A1BBC53B0D6F2
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=061E924B78C46C4F
2006-09-07 13:31:04 · answer #9 · answered by Cyber 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what's the best part of a b**w job??.................the 10 minutes silence
2006-09-07 15:02:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋