Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

A Hindu, a Jew and an evangelical Christian were travelling together when they were overcome with fatigue.

They stopped at a farmhouse and asked for lodging, but the farmer said he only had room for two. One of them would have to spend the night in the barn.

"I'll go," said the Hindu, and off he went.

A few minutes later, there was a knock at the back door. There stood the Hindu, exclaiming, "There's a cow in there, and cows are sacred in my religion. It would be impossible for me to sleep in the same room as a cow."

The farmer then asked which of the other two would volunteer to sleep in the barn.

"I'll go," said the Jew, and off he went.

A few minutes later there was a knock at the back door. It was the Jew. "There's a pig in that barn. It wouldn't be kosher for me to sleep there. I cannot do it!"

"Oh, all right," said the evangelical Christian. "I'll go," and off he went.

A few moments later there was a knock on the door. It was the pig and the cow.

2006-09-13 09:22:47 · 15 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3

A blond guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says.

"I'm having a heart attack", she cries.

The blond guy rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialling, his 4-year-old comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.

Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. "You rotten pig" says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"

2006-09-13 09:06:21 · 29 answers · asked by trilisin 3

An old Indian lined up all of his 10 little Indian sons and stood in front of them.

He then asked, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"

Nobody answered him.

He then asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"

Again nobody answered.

The old Indian said, "I tell story of Georgie and Georgie father. Georgie chop down cherry tree. Georgie tell truth, Big Georgie no punish." So the Indian asked again,

"Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"

To which the littlest Indian replied, "I push port-a-potty over cliff."

The old Indian then shakes and spanks him, for his punishment. When he is done, the little Indian asks, "Georgie tell truth, Georgie no get punish. I tell truth, I get punished. Why you punish, father?"

The old Indian replied, "Big Georgie not in cherry tree when it got chopped down!!!"

2006-09-13 09:02:27 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-13 08:56:10 · 12 answers · asked by kathrynstacey2002 1

An evil Atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself "Oh God, I'm screwed!!!!!."

There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."

So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief.

As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, Gods voice booms out again: "Okay ..... NOW you're screwed."

2006-09-13 08:54:45 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

im bored

2006-09-13 08:48:45 · 2 answers · asked by Chandra 2

2006-09-13 08:31:41 · 12 answers · asked by kettycat 2

2006-09-13 08:29:52 · 29 answers · asked by Tricky-Ricky 1

ME
-TI

Its a saying or phrase
and i do not have the answer

2006-09-13 08:29:14 · 7 answers · asked by aimzinch 2

2006-09-13 08:27:55 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Again a brain teaser- a saying or phrase

2006-09-13 08:15:48 · 6 answers · asked by aimzinch 2

Little green bird with a yellow bill
Sat upon my window sill
I lured him in with a piece of bread
Then I smashed his F N head!

2006-09-13 08:10:24 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO.

This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. He decides to save money and be the hatchet man himself.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!

The CEO, walks up the guy and asks "and how much money do you make a week?"

Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $200.00 a week. Why?"

The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams "Here's a week's pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"

The guy chuckled and walked out.

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks "Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy".

2006-09-13 08:06:11 · 10 answers · asked by Woody 3

A man came home from work, sat down in his
favorite chair,
turned on the TV, and said to his wife,
"Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but brought
him a beer.
When he finished it, he said,
"Quick, bring me another
beer. It's gonna start."
This time she looked a little angry, but
brought him a beer.
When it was gone, he said,
"Quick, another beer before it starts."
"That's it!" She blows her top, "You
b*st*rd!
You walks in here, flop your fat *** down,
don't even say
hello to me and then expect me to run
around like your slave.
Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash
and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed. "Well, it's started."

2006-09-13 08:05:07 · 12 answers · asked by sylesh3 3

3 nuns died and went to heaven.They walked up to St Peter, he told them ladies, before i let you enter you have to answer me one question. St. Peter says to first nun, have you ever in your life came in contact with a mans penis? 1st nun says yes,I once touched a mans penis with this finger. St.Peter says, dip your finger in the holy water and go on through. St. Peter asks nun #2,same question. She says, yes, I once grabbed a mans penis with this hand. St.Peter says dip your hand in the holy water and go on through. St Peter starts to ask 3rd nun same question, when 4th nun pushes 3rd nun, and knocks her to the ground, and says,"Hold on, wait one dang minute!!!! I'm NOT gargling with that water after she sticks her butt in it!!!!

2006-09-13 07:58:47 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-13 07:57:35 · 7 answers · asked by bebeeangeldust 4

You needed that plane crash like I needed a hole in the head!
I can't stop the laughter!

2006-09-13 07:53:51 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-13 07:44:58 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-13 07:44:31 · 8 answers · asked by NANCY K 6

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him. Bush asks him, "George, what''s the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, then fades away.

The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom.

Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I could do to help the country?"

"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight.

The third night sleep is still not in the cards for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of F. D. R. hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin,

What is the best thing I could do to help the country?"

"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the mists.

Bush isn''t sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now, to help the country?" Bush pleads.

Abe replies, "My advice is, do something relaxing. Go see a play!"

2006-09-13 07:42:35 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

The new supermarket opened near my house and has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

But I think it's getting out of hand.

When you approach the milk case, you hear cows mooing and catch a whiff of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The meat department has a background "sizzle" and the slight odor of a charcoal grill.

But now, I refuse to go in anymore, after walking down the toilet paper aisle....

2006-09-13 07:40:25 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

So she has place to rest her legs! lol

2006-09-13 07:40:17 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

send me some short funny jokes!!! thanks haha
:)

2006-09-13 07:34:43 · 2 answers · asked by heretohelp 2

in a party, 1 man dances with 3 women and 1 women dances with 3 men. every man has 2 pairs in common. how many people attended the party?

2006-09-13 07:22:49 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

1) A cow is standing 5 feet from the middle of the bridge. A train is coming towards the cow at speed of 90 miles per hour from the near end and the train is twice as long as the bridge. If the cow had tried to move forward in the same direction as of the train then the cow would have got hit be three feet. But it moved in opposite direction to the train and saved by one feet. Then What is the length of the bridge?

2006-09-13 07:20:48 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-13 07:18:25 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

i know a paki ,his name is bin, i like chuckin tomatoes at him, tomatoes are soft , they dont hurt the skin, but these fukkas do , cos they still in the tin !!!!!

2006-09-13 07:16:45 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-13 07:04:06 · 2 answers · asked by P I N T Y 1

There r 2 trains. one from NY to Washington and viceversa. Total journey takes 5 hrs. A train from NY to Washington leaves on hour at every hour. The train from washington to NY leaves on hour and half. How many trains will pass ur train if u r travelling ftom NY to Washington

2006-09-13 06:58:31 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-13 06:55:32 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous