Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

If a man was found dead in the middle of an open field with an unopened package by his side, how did he die? The man has no external marks, and he was not poisioned, dehydrated,or starving.

2006-09-12 18:44:31 · 21 answers · asked by Tak 1

2006-09-12 18:35:15 · 9 answers · asked by Mary C 1

think huge... huge....

2006-09-12 18:34:22 · 15 answers · asked by Singletary 2

2006-09-12 18:31:38 · 14 answers · asked by Singletary 2

2006-09-12 18:31:07 · 5 answers · asked by Singletary 2

Be creative.

2006-09-12 18:29:35 · 6 answers · asked by Singletary 2

It's called currupt a wish. I make a wish, and you corrupt it. Then, YOU make a wish, and some one else will corrupt it. For example:

WISHER: I wish I had a million dollars.
CORRUPTOR: Granted, but you may only spend it at
the 99cents store.
NEW WISH: I wish I...(see what I mean).

SO here it goes, this is the wish to be corrupted.
I WISH I COULD FLY!

2006-09-12 18:15:15 · 23 answers · asked by pinacoladasundae 3

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. After the purchase, they drove it and parked it on the street between them. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on
their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing.
"I'm blessing it," the priest replied.
The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the synagogue, reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of the tailpipe !!

2006-09-12 17:54:31 · 22 answers · asked by Pd 6

A matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. "I'm ashamed to bring this up," he said, "but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a SAMPLE."
The woman was shocked. "Such a thing you ask a virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing?"
The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, "He's a business man. He buys goods in the market and he sells goods. By him, it's not a big deal, a sample."
She thought a minute. "He's a business man? So tell him I don't give samples. If he wants, I can give him REFERENCES."

2006-09-12 17:34:14 · 25 answers · asked by Pd 6

i want to get some funny stuff to say down using that phrase,


for instance,
mrs. johnson is so cool that, when she goes to sleep, sheep count her

2006-09-12 17:21:48 · 16 answers · asked by sox4d 2

1st person closest 2 tha answer gets tha points

2006-09-12 17:20:43 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

tw oblondes were sittin on a bench in oklahoma trying 2 figure out which was further the moon or flordia and 1 of em says hello can u c flordia from here?

2006-09-12 17:13:04 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

10 point's 2 the 1 that git's it right
ok it start's like this
i am a gf 2 my bf but my bf is now a gf 2 me but istill call him my bf

2006-09-12 17:09:53 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman
sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still
curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.
As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking ever more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?" "I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical
condition;whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm . the man asked Are you taking anything for it? She replied Yes... Pepper!

2006-09-12 16:54:28 · 21 answers · asked by Lisa H 2

Two men are driving in two cars in opposite directions with the windows down. The air around then is really foggy. Both men die but the cars aren't damaged. How did they die?

2006-09-12 16:41:30 · 23 answers · asked by dirt2man 1

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston . After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room,but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350 The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He
tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manage appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. "But we didn't us them," the man complains. "Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is

2006-09-12 16:35:37 · 13 answers · asked by ~♥~ *CHEEKY* ~♥~ 6

What's the differfence between a duck. It must be an apple becauce banannas don't have bones.

2006-09-12 16:34:22 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

I went into the hospital for a hysterectomy. When I turned over my drivers lisence the woman asked if I was a doner, I said "Why, you know someone who wants that?" you know she never even cracked a smile!

2006-09-12 16:33:36 · 4 answers · asked by Jodygirl 2

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador
Retriever and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again,
although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital
last time --- but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind he wasHorrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the hospital.I told her no I'd been sitting in the street licking myself and a car hit me!

2006-09-12 16:27:01 · 12 answers · asked by ~♥~ *CHEEKY* ~♥~ 6

If a chicken and a half, can lay a egg and a half in a day and a half. How long would it take a grasshopper with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a pickle?

2006-09-12 16:22:50 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-12 16:22:09 · 15 answers · asked by its me! 2

2006-09-12 16:17:07 · 2 answers · asked by Jym B 1

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman
sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still
curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.
As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking ever more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?" "I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical
condition;whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm . the man asked Are you taking anything for it? She replied Yes... Pepper!

2006-09-12 16:15:26 · 20 answers · asked by ~♥~ *CHEEKY* ~♥~ 6

Jaws agape
i sit and wait,
with two fangs
to dole out fate
do not think
that i cause woe
with one bite
i bind my foe

what am I?

2006-09-12 16:05:42 · 15 answers · asked by Erikawithasmile 4

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into WalMart with
> her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way
through
the
> entrance.
>
>
> The WalMart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to WalMart ...
> Nice children you've got there - are they twins?"
>
>
> The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "You moron!! No
they
> ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why the
hell
> would
> you think they're twins?........ Do you really think they look
alike?"
>
>
> "No Mam", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe youhad sex
> twice."

2006-09-12 16:02:08 · 15 answers · asked by ~♥~ *CHEEKY* ~♥~ 6

As I was going to St. Ives I met a man with 7 wives each wife had 7 sacks each sack had 7 cats each cat had 7 kits. Kits, cats, sacks and wives, how many were going to St. Ives?

2006-09-12 15:51:02 · 17 answers · asked by ~♥~ *CHEEKY* ~♥~ 6

A guy walks into a bar with a dog under
his arm, puts the dog on the bar and
announces that the dog can talk and
that he has $100 he's willing to bet
anyone who says he can't. The bartender
takes the bet and the owner looks at
the dog and asks "what's the thing on
top of this building which keeps the
rain from coming inside". The dog
answers "ROOF". The bartender says
"who are you kidding, I'm not paying".
The dog's owner says, "How about double
or nothing and I'll ask him something
else." The bartender agrees and the
owner turns to the dog and asks "who
was the greatest ballplayer of all time?"
The dog answers "Roof". With that the
bartender picks them both up and throws
them out the door. As they bounce on the
sidewalk the dog looks at his owner and
says "DiMaggio?"

2006-09-12 15:48:07 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

You Are driving along in Your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop,& You See 3 People waiting 4 the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about 2 die.
2. An old friend who once saved ur life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman You have been dreaming about.

Which 1 would You choose 2 offer a ride 2, knowin that there could only be 1 passenger in your car.
Think before You continue reading lol. This is a moral/ethiçal dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. ..
You could pick up the old lady, çoz she is goin 2 die, n thus You should save her first; or You could take the old friend coz he once saved ur life, n this would be the perfeçt çhance 2 pay him back. However, You may never be able 2 find ur perfect dream lover again ...

What will You do??? I will Add The Correct answer After..I dont Know Lol..Will See How You Go....Goodluck

Remember..YOU CAN ONLY HAVE 1 PASSENGER

2006-09-12 15:45:18 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man was in a horrible wreck one night and was rushed to a hospital,And he needs emergency surgery,The doctor comes in and says I can't operate on this man for he is my son,but I am not his father,Who am I?

2006-09-12 15:41:10 · 16 answers · asked by mytifine_01 3

2006-09-12 15:34:50 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous