Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

I got bit today by a girl, and I told her I'd make her a sticker about it. I need something funny like " Caution, This Animal Bites " or seomthing similar...any thoughts?

2006-09-13 06:50:53 · 5 answers · asked by sxschickensxs 2

i love hockey yes i do

2006-09-13 06:44:39 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

i love hockey yes i do

2006-09-13 06:44:23 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2 pieces of rope,not equal in lenght,and each not the same thickness,they tapper from one end to the other.
What they have in common is that each rope will burn for an hour how can the ropes be burned for an hour and a half,no you dont have a clock and cutting the rope would leave you with a fat end and a thin end

2006-09-13 06:40:14 · 7 answers · asked by yellowdog 2

I'm a trumpet cos I'm loud and brassy.
You'll only get the 10 pts if you say why!!

2006-09-13 06:13:38 · 15 answers · asked by monkipuzzle 2

2006-09-13 05:40:45 · 27 answers · asked by shee 1

Three men die and arrive at the gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches the first man and asks:
"How many times have you cheated on your wife?"
The first man says "Never," so St. Peter says that he can ride around Heaven in a Jaguar forever. So he drives off in his Jaguar, smiling.
St. Peter asks the second man: "How many times have you cheated on your wife?"
"Two or three times," He replied so St. Peter gives him a Toyota to ride around Heaven in.
St. Peter asks the 3rd man how many times he has cheated on his wife.
He replies "About a dozen times." St. Peter gives the third man a cardboard box with wheels to ride in.
One day, while the third man is riding around Heaven in the box with wheels, he sees the first man parked on the side of the road, wiping the tears out of his eyes. The third man stops to ask him what is wrong, to which the first man replies

"I just saw my wife riding by on rollerskates

2006-09-13 05:29:57 · 13 answers · asked by Pd 6

Whats the weirdest thing you can't do with your body?

2006-09-13 05:25:51 · 18 answers · asked by ajm7_2000 1

2006-09-13 05:04:29 · 51 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-13 05:00:55 · 21 answers · asked by roytoncc69 2

(any jokes)

Bit under the weather, at work pleaseeeeeeeee help thanks in advance

2006-09-13 04:43:24 · 8 answers · asked by playful 3

i know that this joke is slightly racist but a Jew told it to me, but i am sorry if i offend anyone.

What happened to the blind Rabi?
He got the sack!

There once was a Jewish Rabi, and every time he circumcised anyone he would carefully take the foreskin and put it on a table. no-one knew what the Rabi would do with the foreskin, but every night the Rabi would take all the fore-skins home and weave them together to make a briefcase, unfortunatley when it came to going on holiday the briefcase wasnt big enough to fit all his clothes in. so what did he do? he gave it a little rub and... waheey, it turned into a suitcase!

2006-09-13 04:33:14 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath.
Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.

2006-09-13 04:31:33 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-13 04:18:04 · 20 answers · asked by MINTY34 1

If an electric train travels west for 40 miles, then north for 32 miles at a speed of 25 mph, and the wind blows from the south at a steady speed, which direction is the smoke blowing when the train is 160 minutes into its journey??

2006-09-13 04:15:28 · 11 answers · asked by ashcatash 5

Two French paratroopers were seconded to the SAS for special training.
After the first day they met up in the bar.
Ah, Pierre," asks one, "'ow 'av you been doing?"
"Merde!" answers Pierre. "I 'av 'ad a mos' terrible day. Terrible! At seex zis morning I was woken by zis beeg 'airy sergeant. 'E dragged me out of bed and on to ze parade ground."
And zen what 'appened?" inquires his mate.
I weel tell you what 'appened! 'E made me climb urp zis silly leetle platform five feet off ze ground and zen 'e said "Jurmp!"."
"'And did you jump?" asks his mate.
"I did not. I told 'im - "I am a French paratrooper. I do not jump five feet. It is beneass my dignity."
"And zen what 'appened?" asks his mate.
"Zen 'e made me climb up zis silly leetle platform ten feet off ze ground, and 'e said "Jump!"."
"And did you jurmp?" asks his mate.
"I did not. I told 'im - "I am a Frenchparatrooper. It is beneass my dignity to jump ten feet."
What 'appened zen?" asks his mate.
Zen 'e made me climb urp zis rickety platform a 'undred feet above ze parade ground. 'E undid 'is trousers, took out zis enormous willy, and 'e said:
"If you do not jurmp, I am going to stick zis right urp your burm."."
Ooooh!" says his mate. "And did you jurmp?"
A leetle, at ze beginning."

2006-09-13 04:12:35 · 9 answers · asked by flange2034 2

A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so and, although his English was far from perfect, they got on very well until, one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him-"very quick".

The lawyer said that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the following questions:

LAWYER: Have you any grounds ?
POLE: JA, JA, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms.

LAWYER "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
Pole: "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," he responded.

LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE: "No," he replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

LAWYER "I mean, What are your relations like?"
POLE: "All my relations are in Poland."

LAWYER: "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE: "Yes, we have hi fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound.We don't necessarily like the music but the answer to your questions is yes."

LAWYER: No, I mean Does your wife beat you up?
POLE: NO, I'm always up before her.

LAWYER: Is your wife a nagger?
POLE: NO, she white.

LAWYER: WHY do you want this divorce?
POLE: SHE going to kill me.

LAWYER: What makes you think that?
POLE: I got proof.

LAWYER: What kind of proof?
POLE: She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at the drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read - it says, "Polish Remover".

2006-09-13 03:55:16 · 9 answers · asked by flange2034 2

2006-09-13 03:39:31 · 4 answers · asked by jarynth2 2

2006-09-13 03:39:16 · 9 answers · asked by cooker 3

whats has oral sex and being questioned by the police got in common ?..............................One slip of the tounge n either way ur in the ****

2006-09-13 03:28:42 · 26 answers · asked by mintcakemissy 1

2006-09-13 03:25:25 · 12 answers · asked by Celeste 2

Willys cynical thought for the fugging day;

Smart is when you only believe half of what you hear. Brilliant is when you know which freaking half!

Because their pecker is on their face.

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-09-13 02:55:06 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-13 02:42:22 · 18 answers · asked by jarynth 2

2006-09-13 02:27:33 · 17 answers · asked by swordfish 2

Aaron celebrates his birthday one day. But his twin brother Adam has the chance to celebrate his birthday only after two days. Why is that?

2006-09-13 02:23:23 · 9 answers · asked by Mary 2

leaving Angelina for Billy Bob Thorton. Is he a heartbreaker or what?

2006-09-13 02:01:47 · 8 answers · asked by horrorfan 3

Brainteaser answer is a saying or phrase

2006-09-13 02:00:04 · 6 answers · asked by aimzinch 2

why when i came from my country to the USA it took me over one year to learn the Ingles language and my radio i bring with me forgot to speak my language and and start to speak in Ingles the first day i arived in the USA

2006-09-13 01:59:07 · 5 answers · asked by what is the good word? 4

Brain teaser- the answer is a saying or a phrase

2006-09-13 01:59:07 · 4 answers · asked by aimzinch 2

Are there any limericks that have limerick in the first line?

2006-09-13 01:57:24 · 8 answers · asked by Polo 7