Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

2006-08-26 06:57:59 · 24 answers · asked by lillynolilly 2

A man named Chris stops by at his friends house. The friends wife answers the door in her robe and says he's at the store but invites him in to wait for a while. While sitting in the living room waiting, the man says, "You have such amazing breasts, I will pay you a hundred dollars if I can see just one". The wife thinks for a moment then says what the hell. She loosens her robe and exposes just one of her boobs. He slaps a hundred on the table and thanks her with satisfaction. A few minutes pass, the man blurts, "I can't take it anymore, I have to see them both together!" "Another hundred for you if you show me both!" The wife thinks about it again and says what the hell, and shows him the set together. He slaps another hundred on the table and thanks her but says he can't wait any longer and goes. The husband comes home a short while later. The wife tells him "Your weird friend Chris came over." The husband says "Really? Did he at least leave the two hundred bucks he owes me?".

2006-08-26 06:57:30 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-26 06:55:01 · 5 answers · asked by learnalot10_girl 1

2006-08-26 06:48:45 · 12 answers · asked by anant 1

My friends and I are bored and we're looking for new pranks to do to people. We've watergunned people's parties, we've prank phonecalled people, and we've also put stuff on people's cars. Anybody have any really good ideas?

2006-08-26 06:35:50 · 15 answers · asked by Eric E 2

I've heared this many times on tv and movies, but they always stop there. Does anybody actually know the rest of it?

2006-08-26 05:56:31 · 4 answers · asked by Prissy_kitty 3

2006-08-26 05:41:05 · 6 answers · asked by ? 6

I did this at work and now i have to report to HR on Monday...WTF?

2006-08-26 05:39:54 · 9 answers · asked by ? 6

One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "b*itch" and the women called the man a "ba*stard".

Their son walked in and said "What does bi*tch and ba*stard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".

The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dic*k".

Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and d*ick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats".

On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shi*t" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.

Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "Fuc*k" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.

Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your di*cks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the sh*it off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen ******* the turkey

2006-08-26 05:28:41 · 30 answers · asked by tejas_fundo 3

A man a plan a canal panama, three wise chickens were crossing the road, which is the wisest, if there are fourteen legs on a piano, how many are on a unicycle?

2006-08-26 05:28:27 · 20 answers · asked by Jaswanconnetto 1

Hint: the answer is just two words.

2006-08-26 05:21:24 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

How can dark matter extend non-existence into existence? Is there a brick wall that says "you have reached the end?"

2006-08-26 04:56:32 · 10 answers · asked by daniel 2

A blonde goes to the Western Union office and says, "I just have to get an urgent message to my mother in Europe."

The clerk says it will be $100, and she replies "But I don't have that much money, and I must get a message to her, it's urgent! I'll do anything to get a message to her."

The clerk replies "Anything?"

"Yes... ANYTHING!" replies the blonde.

He leads her back to his office and closes the door. He tells her to kneel in front of him and unzip his pants."

She does. "Take it out", says the clerk."

She does this as well. She looks up at him, his member in her hands and he says "Well... go ahead and do it..."

She brings her lips close to it and shouts "Hello?... Mom?"

2006-08-26 04:35:45 · 19 answers · asked by ? 6

A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor. She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down. He gets out his light and says, "Open wide". "I can't," replies the blonde, "the chair's fitted with arms."!


Two blondes are walking in the forest when they come across marks in the ground. One says to another, "Oh, look at the deer tracks!" "Those aren't deer trucks, you dumb blonde!" says the other. "They're bear prints." They continue to argue, "Deer tracks, you dumb blonde, No - Bear prints, you dumb blonde!"
Next day's headlines : Two blondes killed by train in forest.


A blonde goes into a library and cheerfully says, "Hi! I'm here to see the doctor!" In a stern, but hushed voice, the librarian says, "Miss, this is a library." So the blonde lowers her voice and says, "Oh sorry!" Then whispers, "I'm here to see the doctor."

2006-08-26 04:30:56 · 23 answers · asked by ? 6

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

2006-08-26 04:25:54 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-26 04:17:56 · 4 answers · asked by Hymn 2

2006-08-26 03:57:17 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

You are in a prison cell. there are two separate doors. one leads to death and one leads to freedom. there is one guard for each door. one guard always lies and the other guard tells the truth.you dont know which one tells the truth and which one lies. what is the question that would lead you to the door of freedom? you can only ask one question to one of the guards.

2006-08-26 03:56:28 · 10 answers · asked by 「SUZAKU」 6

Has anyone know "stories with holes" Cause I love 'em! My favorite ones so far are these, There once was a guy that's just getting on the plane and greets his friend six rows back and got arrested. Why? And, John and Mary were laying dead in a puddle with broken glass. Chester wasn't found. Why is that? If you get both of them right you get ten pionts! Also if you have a riddle like these please share them (and don't foget the answer!) P.S. You can ask questions but only yes or no answers!

2006-08-26 03:18:02 · 11 answers · asked by Cupcake™ 5

A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, "If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50."

The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he'll just say he weighs more or less.

In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50. How did the man win the bet?

2006-08-26 03:14:42 · 11 answers · asked by naomi clark 2

What goes up, but at the same time goes down, up to the sky and down to the ground, my present tense and my past tense too, lets go for a ride just me and you...what am i?

2006-08-26 03:09:33 · 8 answers · asked by naomi clark 2

A city boy went out West to visit his old Uncle, miles from anywhere, on a big ranch with mostly sand and cactus.
After the sun went down they went to bed, and it was so dark the boy was afraid. As he lay there he heard a mournful, otherworldly sound.
Frightened, he called out to he old Uncle, "There's werewolves. I hear werewolves"!
"That's rubbish, Boy. Ain't no sech thing", his Uncle answered.
"Then it must be man-eating wolves"!
"No, we don't have those either. Now go to sleep"!
The sound started again. '
"Then, what is it"?, he asked, terrified.
"They're only coyotes."
"Coyotes? What's that"?
" They're a lot like dogs. In, fact, you can consider them a kind of dog".
"Then why are they making this horrible noise"?
" See, Boy, we ain't got many trees around here. We got Cactuses"!

2006-08-26 03:06:02 · 5 answers · asked by jfmm 7

2006-08-26 03:04:04 · 7 answers · asked by naturalswimmer01 1

http://img252.echo.cx/img252/8159/006wo.swf
i really mean it, its scary

2006-08-26 02:13:04 · 15 answers · asked by aww_garsh 4

Its the only culture some people have !!!

2006-08-26 02:04:36 · 5 answers · asked by Croeso 6

Just some people don't have film

2006-08-26 02:01:04 · 8 answers · asked by Croeso 6

2006-08-26 01:57:19 · 10 answers · asked by haltedhell 2

2006-08-26 01:55:40 · 11 answers · asked by moonlight 2

2006-08-26 01:26:56 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were sitting in the pub discussing families. The talk turned to children and each was surprised to find out that they all had 14-year-old daughters.
The Englishman explained that his problem was that he had found cigarette butts under his daughter's bed, “I didn't know she smoked,” was his lament.

The Frenchy then proclaimed that he had found whiskey bottles under his child's bed. “I was not aware that she drank,” he moaned.

The Irishman was adamant that he had the more pressing problem -- he had found condoms under his darling daughter's bed. “I didn't know she had a dick,” he wailed.

2006-08-26 01:20:29 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous