Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

2006-08-26 15:31:24 · 12 answers · asked by Jake 'N' Shakes 3

First correct answer gets 10 points.

2006-08-26 15:30:43 · 31 answers · asked by roxi_biloxi 3

2006-08-26 15:18:22 · 6 answers · asked by Dr Know It All 5

2006-08-26 15:17:47 · 9 answers · asked by True Blood 2

There are 2 monsters: the blue one can be killed with 1 shot and the red one with 2 shot. With 1 bullet left how can u kill both?

2006-08-26 15:17:02 · 11 answers · asked by True Blood 2

2006-08-26 15:16:58 · 18 answers · asked by sidd 1

clue #1 " YOU NEED TO STICK MY TIP IN YOUR MOUTH"

clue #2 " WHEN YOU SUCK ME OFF, I GET HOTTER "

clue #3 " YOU HOLD MY HARD THING IN YOUR HAND "

WHAT AM I?

2006-08-26 15:11:46 · 21 answers · asked by Gurlie 2

a)what do you call 2 Spainards playing basketball?

b) what's the punishment for bigamy?

c) why do men have holes in their penises?

d) what's Mr Bush's position on Roe Vs Wade?

e) how may an arab woman lose 20 pounds?

f) how can you tell if you're a dyslexic schizophrenic?

Last one's free.
"Daddy, what's a tranvestite?"

"Go ask your mother. He'll tell you.

2006-08-26 15:11:17 · 4 answers · asked by elge13 3

Again, I had to translate as best I could.
You might have heard something similar to this... let me know

The husband comes home after a long day at work, and his wife tells him that she made a surprise dinner for him - only one small detail is missing : snails. So she sends him out to the store to get some. The husband heads out, buys the snails, but on his way home he runs into some friends and gets distracted. Before he knows it, he finds himself at a bar drinking away. The man comes to his senses, excuses himself, and heads home with his bag of snails thinking, 'damn, my wife is going to kill me, it's way past midnight!'
Finally, as he reached his doorstep, the man rips the bag open, and spills the snails all over the deck. The wife comes to the door, looking furious, "Where the hell were you?! I was worried sick.... etc, etc"
The man looks down at the snails, scattered in front of him, "Alright," he says, "one more step boys, and we're home."

2006-08-26 15:06:26 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Then the next pic shows the dog walking away with the chicks all in a row, following behind the dog.....

2006-08-26 14:56:18 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman, who was pregnant with twins, got into a car accident and went into a coma... She was rushed to the hospital where doctors delivered her twins to save them. But as she was in a coma and her husband was overseas on business, her brother was the only one present to name her children
When she came out of the coma, hours after arriving at the hospital and found out that her brother had named the twins, she was very worried. Her brother was not very bright, and she didn't think he would have done a very good job of choosing her kids' names.

When he came in to see her she asked, "So what names did you choose for my children?"

He replied, "The first born was a girl."

"Oh," started the woman, "and what did you name her??"

"Denise," answered her brother.

The woman was very surprised, and very pleased, "Hey, that's not half bad!" She exclaimed to her brother. "And what did you name the second child?" She waited excitedly to hear the name her brother had chosen for the other child.

"Well, the next born was a boy," her brother informed her.

"Yes, and what did you name him??" inquired the woman.

Replied the brother,
"Denephew."

2006-08-26 14:55:18 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://grouper.com/video/MediaDetails.aspx?id=1505605&ml=

EWW

2006-08-26 14:52:51 · 29 answers · asked by Russian-Babe 2

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
1. Men are like ...Laxatives ....... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like.Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ......Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like ......Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like .Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ....Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like ....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while
11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like .......Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright
13. Men are like Parking Spots ......... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

2006-08-26 14:51:29 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Here's a list of videos...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsFd7xFzSbw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utkkXCF8ZVc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vsdtCuXS_I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LKbCGV8aH4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vz4ONEnC4D4

The first one is where a large group of people in "Home Depot" suddenly freeze for 5 minutes.

The rest are just as funny, I am sure there are lots more to find.

2006-08-26 14:40:36 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

This is what we feed him...
(see link)
http://www.engrish.com/recent_detail.php?imagename=cat-smack.jpg&category=Snacks&date=2006-08-16

2006-08-26 14:39:02 · 7 answers · asked by ? 6

Three old ladies won tickets to their first ever baseball games. They were gonna head to Wrigley Field to see the Cubbies play.
Now, being on a fixed income, they decided to save a bit of money on refreshments and took along one (1) bottle of Jack Daniels Whiskey. So they drove up to Chicago, settled into their seats and started mixing their J.D. with Cokes that they bought. They were having a swell time, partying, dancing, doing the wave, screaming, cheering, hollering, just letting lose and letting it all hang out, when suddenly they realized they were almost out of whiskey and the game wasn't nearly over yet.
Now here's the question: considering the provided information, can you tell me what inning the game was in at that point and how many players were on base?

2006-08-26 14:28:29 · 12 answers · asked by Huh? 6

2006-08-26 14:04:03 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-26 14:02:33 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

The one who makes it, doesn't use it.

The one who buys it, doesn't want it.

The one who needs, doesn't know it.

What is IT..

2006-08-26 14:02:10 · 20 answers · asked by Nikki 2

The one who makes it, doesn't use it.

The one who buys it, doesn't want it.

The one who needs, doesn't know it.

What is IT..

2006-08-26 14:01:48 · 9 answers · asked by Nikki 2

The one who makes it, doesn't use it.

The one who buys it, doesn't want it.

The one who needs, doesn't know it.

What is IT..

2006-08-26 14:01:28 · 7 answers · asked by Nikki 2

2006-08-26 13:48:58 · 6 answers · asked by ? 6

or long as long as they make me laugh

2006-08-26 13:32:49 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

I want to see how creative you are, feel free to try:

Yankee-doodle went to town...

__________________________

__________________________

__________________________!!!

2006-08-26 13:24:49 · 20 answers · asked by *♥*Lucky Charm*♥* 2

a farmer has a chicken, some corn and a fox and he has to get them across the lake. he can only take one at a time in his boat. how can he do this without one eating the other?

2006-08-26 13:12:17 · 14 answers · asked by ceruleannight 1

There once was a sheep farmer who had a French farm hand working with him to help castrate his sheep. As the farmer castrated the sheep, the French farm hand took the parts, and was about to throw them in a trash pile.
"No", yelled the farmer,"Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them, they're delicious! They're called Sheep Fries"!
The farm hand saved the parts and took them to the farmer's wife who cooked them for supper. This went on for three days.......and each evening they had Sheep Fries for supper.
On the fourth night the farmer came in the house for supper. He asked his wife where the farm hand was and she replied,"It's the strangest thing! When he came in and asked what was for supper, I told him French fries, and he ran like Hell!

2006-08-26 13:05:17 · 11 answers · asked by jfmm 7

see how you do
http://www.break.com/games/handeye.html

2006-08-26 13:05:09 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Willys cynical thought for the fugging day;

People always say, 'the Blues are simple.' Well, that's true 'the Blues are simple' if you ignore the freaking complexities!'

A farmer's wife was at her lawyer's getting advice about a divorce. "He makes excessive sexual demands on me, Mr. Jones," said the wife to the lawyer.

"How do you mean?" asked the lawyer.

"Well, Mr. Jones, this morning I was looking at the chickens when he crept up behind me and had me from behind!" exclaimed Mrs. Smith.

"Chickens, Mrs. Smith, I didn't know you kept chickens?" the lawyer said surprised.

"We don't, Mr. Jones. This was in the supermarket."

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-08-26 12:56:18 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

for the chronically absent=a man like him is hard to find or it seemed her career was just taking off

for the office drunk=I feel his real talent is wasted here or we generally found him loaded with work to do or every hour with him was a happy hour

for an employee with no ambition=he could not care less about the number of hours he had to put in or you would indeed be fortunate to get this person to work for you

for an employee who is so unproductive that the job is better left unfilled=I can assure you that no person would be better for the job

for an employee who is not worth further considerations a job candidate=I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment or all in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him to highly

for a stupid employee=there is nothing you can teach a man like him or I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever

for a dishonest employee=her true ability was deceiving or he’s an unbelievable worker

2006-08-26 12:48:19 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

the answer is supposed to be a city in SC

Ground______+the first name of an old bad tasting medcine______oil =_________?

2006-08-26 12:40:04 · 8 answers · asked by Adelina 1