Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So what happened that's so horrible?

Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket.

Man: Ok, but that's not so bad.

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So what happened then?

Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.

Man: and then?

Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.

Man: Again?

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So, what did you do then?

Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.

Man: and then?

Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.

Man: Hmmm...

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So, what did you do?

Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in.....

2006-08-26 01:17:54 · 8 answers · asked by miracleMB 3

Tang has announced today the release of it's newest flavor - in addition to the classic orange, and the newer berry, grape, and cherry, they proudly announce..........................















wait for it.......................................................




















































ready..................................................







































POON!

thank you, thank you very much

2006-08-26 00:54:38 · 16 answers · asked by bakbiter 3

I just bought a new radio for my car. Its funny because when I say "rock" a rock song comes on. When I say "rap" a rap song comes on. But the other day, a bunch of little kids ran in front of my car. I yelled 'f**king kids!'...A Michael Jackson song came on.

2006-08-26 00:53:07 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

..."Survivor,The Solar System" and Pluto was the first planet to get voted off?

2006-08-26 00:52:19 · 3 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5

...be moving to other planets now that they no longer have one?

2006-08-26 00:45:47 · 5 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5

2006-08-26 00:08:07 · 4 answers · asked by benny_bull_frog 3

2006-08-26 00:02:26 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

I like to write my own:

What's the difference between a wife and a bowling ball?
You can use all three holes on a bowling ball.

What's the difference between the Universe a wife?
You can't see the Universe expanding.

What's the difference between a wife and the planet Earth?
The earth doesn't ask you if the moon makes it look fat.

What's the difference between a wife and an angel?
Neither one will let you forget who's The Boss.

What's the difference between a mouse trap and a wife?
You can escape a mouse trap.

What's the difference between a cigarette and a wife?
Both are cheaper if you buy them overseas.

What's the difference between whiskey and a wife?
Whiskey allows you to forget your problems.

Best original wife joke (i will check on google) gets the points.

2006-08-25 23:50:33 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

english, irish and scotsman in the jungle...they are captured by canibals...
the say to the englishman, have you a last request before will kill you and turn your skin into a canoe ! he replies yes i would like a pack of fags..he smokes....they kill him and turn his skin into a canoe,,
the same question is put to the scotsman...he say yes i would like a bottle of whisky....he drinks....they kill him and turn his skin into a canoe.....
then they ask the irishman the same question...he says yes i would like a fork... "a fork" they replied...."yes" he said .....stabbing himself all over and screaming "your not making no bloody canoe out of me"

2006-08-25 23:40:06 · 26 answers · asked by kevthekat 2

The islanders club together to pay for a bridge to the mainland. On completion the head islander inspects the work. 'This is a disaster',he exclaimed,' the bridge just isn't safe. What will the islanders do now he asked?' .......Oh they'll get over it.

2006-08-25 23:25:09 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-25 23:07:18 · 5 answers · asked by Dr Know It All 5

If you can answer them can answer them all, 10 points is yours.

They will go in an easy hard pattern.

---Do they have a 4th of July in England?

---What do you, through away the outside, cook the inside, eat the outside, and through away the inside?

---You are in a cold house in the winter. It is dark. You have one match. There is a candle and there is a wood burning stove. Which do you light first?

---What is it that gets wetter when it dries?

---What always ends everything?

---A man while looking at a photograph said, "Brothers and sisters have I none. That man's father is my father's son." Who was the person in the photograph?

---Born at the same time as the world, destined to live as long as the world, and yet never five weeks old. What is it?

--- What starts with "e" ends with "e" and contains only one letter?

I know this may seem like a hard task, but I anwsered these all in a 40 minute class.

2006-08-25 22:53:46 · 11 answers · asked by boomer 3

This man comes home covered in tattoos. His wife's horrified.
'Are you tattooed all over?' she asked . ' Yes' he replied'
'Even your .......?' she asked. 'Yes' he replied. 'But why?' she yelled.
.....Because a man's got ta ttoo what a man's got ta ttoo.

2006-08-25 22:53:22 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Funniest 5 will get mentioned in my blog, with the top one getting a spot on my website!

2006-08-25 22:48:59 · 17 answers · asked by Darth Vader 3

I have sent one of his ears through the post to show you I'm serious!

And I was the one who Skinned Thumper for a Buck!

2006-08-25 22:47:43 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-25 22:42:28 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde goes to work and sees that one of

her co-workers has a thermos.

She asks him what it does and the fellow

co-worker responds, ''It keeps hot things hot,

and cold things cold'' The blonde was amazed

and when she got home immediately went out

and bought one. The next day she goes to

work and is happy that she has this wonderful

object. The same co-worker realizes she has a

thermos and says, ''What do you have in it?''

she says, ''Soup, and ice cream!''

2006-08-25 22:31:28 · 8 answers · asked by dwh 3

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde were

camping when they ran out of food. The

brunette went out hunting and came back the

next morning with a deer.


How did you get

that? asked the redhead. Well, said the

brunette found the tracks, followed the tracks,

shot the deer. The next night the redhead went

out hunting. The next morning she came back

with a bear.


How did you get that? asked the

blonde. Found the tracks, followed the tracks,

shot the bear, said the redhead. The third night

the blonde went out and the next morning she

came back brusied, bloody, and clothes torn.

What happened said the brunette? The blonde

replied, found the tracks, followed the tracks,

got hit by the train.

2006-08-25 22:23:00 · 9 answers · asked by dwh 3

if earth is blown and you are rebirthed in another galaxy, without anything except your last memory and body.

2006-08-25 22:20:40 · 15 answers · asked by BigBoy 2

2006-08-25 22:19:48 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-25 22:09:30 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-25 22:08:22 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

You need me to survive, but I am not always around.
You can shed me, but never catch me.
You can see me, but never hear me.
Through me, you view the past.
Without me, you are lost.

What am I?

2006-08-25 21:55:43 · 24 answers · asked by CubicMoo 2

two hard of hearing old men are talking

man 1 "you're going fishing?"
man 2 "noooo, i'm going FISHING!"
man 1 "oooh, i though you're going fishing"

shut up, you know that was funny

2006-08-25 21:49:53 · 19 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.

"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why, that's the talking clock" the man replied. "How does it work?" "Watch", the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "For God's sake, you wanker, it's 2am in the f***ing morning!!"


he he he....how's it?

2006-08-25 21:40:13 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-25 21:30:51 · 12 answers · asked by boomer 3

2 crisps were walking allong the road , their mate pulled up in his car & offered them a lift . They said no thanks we are Walkers !
My 9 year old Great Nephew just told me that online from Spain . Gave me a laff anyway

2006-08-25 21:26:48 · 22 answers · asked by Bill L 5

...are you blogging mad?

No phucking way. Therapeutic...no. oh well.

2006-08-25 21:24:22 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-25 21:11:30 · 24 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

a) do u do it, so u don't have an upset stomach
b) don't do it as to not embarras yourself
c) do it and blame it on the person stading next to you

2006-08-25 20:59:12 · 14 answers · asked by chapped lips 5