Funniest 5 will get mentioned in my blog, with the top one getting a spot on my website!
2006-08-25 22:48:59 · 17 answers · asked by Darth Vader 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
How are those jokes?
2006-08-25 22:53:47 · update #1
Nice joke, Miracle!
2006-08-25 22:58:21 · update #2
rofl nice guys, keep the JOKES coming!!
2006-08-25 23:05:48 · update #3
a boy ask his father how do you spell vagina the father replys and says son you should of ask me last night it was on the tip of my tongue.....hahahahahahaha...........
2006-09-01 21:41:01 · answer #1 · answered by shortiluv 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head?
A: All you can eat under a buck.
Q: Why is a blonde like a hardware store?
A: They are both 10¢ a screw!
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only put 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
Three women are about to be executed.
One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"
Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did.
The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
and one more!!!
Day1:
A blonde comes home from school and says to her mum,"We learned how to count up to 5 today mummy. I got up to 10. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"
Day 2:
"We learned how to do the alphabet today mummy. The others only got up to E and I got up to S. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"
Day 3:
"We learned about breasts today mummy. All the other girls are flat chested and I'm a 36DD. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "No dear, it's because your 25."
2006-09-01 14:41:46 · answer #2 · answered by nick r 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere she went.
She would even take the parrot to the club with her when she went
dancing and drinking on Saturday nights. Whenever the woman went onto
the dance floor, the parrot would yell, "The roof, the roof, the roof
is
on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn!
Burn, muthafukkah, burn!" The crowd on the dance floor would always
cheer and holler in appreciation when the parrot would yell. This would
make the parrot yell even more and of course make the crowd go wild.
This
would go on all night long, everytime the parrot went out.
One Sunday morning the woman took the parrot to church and into the
choir stand with her.
And when the choir started to sing, the parrot yelled, "The roof, the
roof,
the roof is on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn!
Burn, muthafukkah, burn! She embarrassingly corrected the parrot,
"No, you don't say that here!!"
The parrot looked around and asked, "Why not? These are the same
muthafukkahs that was at the club last night!!!..
2006-09-01 00:16:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Life is full of emotions like laughing, smiling, crying, weeping, fear, hatred, jealousy and many more. Out of all these, laughing is loved and liked by all. That is why someone has rightly said, “ You laugh and the world will laugh with u, you weep and u shall weep alone.” Sometimes, life becomes monotonous and one starts getting bored. To remove such monotonousness and boredom, I feel that surfing on the following websites can be helpful in making one cheerful, refreshen up and gain some emotional or psychological energy too. Surf on them and see how helpful these are to u to bring a smile on ur face.
http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp
http://www.indiabook.com/jokes/Entertainment_and_Arts/Bollywood/
Please visit the above pages to find different variety of jokes. I hope, it helps u in making u laugh. Enjoy and have fun..
2006-09-02 03:17:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:
"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!
2006-09-01 16:53:22 · answer #5 · answered by David O-man 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How's this?
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave the Vatican. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community.
So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If
the Jew won, they could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave.
The Jews realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle aged man named Moishe to represent them. Moishe asked for one addition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can stay."
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened.
The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around
me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe. "What happened?" they asked.
"Well," said Moishe, "First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here."
"And then?" asked a woman.
"I don't know," said Moishe. "He took out his lunch and I took out mine."
2006-08-25 22:56:26 · answer #6 · answered by miracleMB 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
One day, an evil business man, who had sined everyday in his life since the day he could talk, was hit by a bus and died.....
When he woke up, he was confroted with the realization that he was very dead, and very much in hell
He starts to mope around realizing where he was when he came up on a demon
"Why such the long face?" Said the demon
"Ummm, it could be that im in hell right now!!" Said the business man
"Awwwww, come on now! Hell isnt all that bad! Lets see...are you a Gambiling man? " Said the demon?
"Yeah, i used to spend days on end on " business trips" to Las Vegas!" Said the Business man
"See!? Every Monday, we hold all day gambiling, Slots, Craps, Blackjack, you name it, we've got it! Best part is....You Always Win!!!....Oh, are you a drinkin' man?"
"OH F*&% YEAH I AM!! Remember 'Business trips to Vegas" ..*wink wink*"
"Oh, your gonna love our Tuesdays here! All the booze you can drink, never be sober, and best of all...NO Alcohol Poisoning b/c, HELL your already dead!!!!"
"I really think im gonna like it here!!!"
"See, i told you!...say..are you gay?? " Said the demon
"Ummm, no...." Replied the business man
"Oh...well, sounds like your not gonna like Wednesday then"
Cue drum roll!
THANK YOU AND GO BROWNS!!!!!!
2006-08-30 16:57:24 · answer #7 · answered by bigbadbrownsbacker 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You like Big Brother Chatrooms, your name begins with A and you support Liverpool. Hurrah.
2006-09-02 21:27:05 · answer #8 · answered by frankmilano610 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
there was a blonde girl who came up to a vending machine and put in $1 and got a drink. then she put in another dollar and got another drink. then she put in another dollar and got another drink. the blonde girl kept doing this for 10 min when this guy came up to her and said,"are u done with the vending machine yet?"
and the blonde replied,"one more minute, im still winning"
2006-09-02 12:17:48 · answer #9 · answered by ze mage's world 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A white man and a black man are standing next to each other at a urinal the white man notices that the black man has W and Y tattoed on his penis the same as he has so he says to the black man oh we have the same tattoes on our c-o-c-k-s when you get hard doe's yours say "Wendy" too,No he says it says "Welcome to Barbados have a nice day"
2006-08-25 23:01:48 · answer #10 · answered by benny_bull_frog 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
tarzan was swinging thru the jungle on one of his vines when it broke leaving tarzan to fall to the ground. after days of lying on the ground in pain the witch doctor came along and took tarzan back to his cave. Tarzan had lost one eye broke both arms and broke his p**is. The witch doctor gave tarzan the eye of an eagle and said to tarzan you can see for miles, he gave tarzan the arms of gorillas and said you'll be as strong as 10men and he gave tarzan a baby elephants trunk for his p**is and told tarzan to come back in a week. A week later tarzan returned hows your eye the witch doctor asked Great replied tarzan i can see for miles, hows your arms? great said tarzan im as strong as 10men. But im a bit worried about the other part. Why said the witch doctor, cos everytime i walk thru the jungle it keeps trying to shove grass up my ar*e
2006-08-25 23:01:35 · answer #11 · answered by nikkimate69 2 · 6⤊ 1⤋