top this joke !?

Question

english, irish and scotsman in the jungle...they are captured by canibals...
the say to the englishman, have you a last request before will kill you and turn your skin into a canoe ! he replies yes i would like a pack of fags..he smokes....they kill him and turn his skin into a canoe,,
the same question is put to the scotsman...he say yes i would like a bottle of whisky....he drinks....they kill him and turn his skin into a canoe.....
then they ask the irishman the same question...he says yes i would like a fork... "a fork" they replied...."yes" he said .....stabbing himself all over and screaming "your not making no bloody canoe out of me"

Answer 1

An Englisman, Irishman and Scotsman were playing golf with their wives.

The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows
her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded.
"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any."
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says,
"For the sake of decency, here's £50. Go and buy yourself some underwear."

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.
"Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?"
She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."
He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
"Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?" She too explains,
"You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any."
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o Jeezus, an the sake of decency, there's ah
comb. Tidy yersell up a bit."

Answer 2

lol...good one. How's this?

A woodcutter, a butcher and a lollipop lady were walking in the woods one day when they got lost. Anxious to find for shelter for the night before it got dark they were delighted to come across a little hut in a clearing. 'Let's try there!' said the woodcutter. 'Yes, let's!' said the butcher. But the lollipop lady didn't much like the look of the place -- it seemed more than a little sinister and creepy. So when they all arrived at the door she said, 'I'll go round to the side and you two go in first.'

In went the woodcutter, to be pounced by a witch! 'What's your occupation?' she asked, and when told she immediately took out a huge chopper and cut his legs off! In went the butcher, and he was also captured by the witch. 'And what is YOUR occupation?' she demanded, and on being told she took a cleaver and cut his legs off as well!

Then in went the lollipop lady who had seen all these gory doings from the window. 'I'm a lollipop lady,' she declared. 'You'll have to suck my legs off!'

Answer 3

There was a car early this week with a woman trapped inside a car, to get her out people called the fire service, the fire service arrived and cut the car open, the woman was freed,she started saying "I'm concussed, I'm concussed" A fireman said "How many fingers have I got up?" The woman replied "**** me I'm paralysed from the waist down!"

Answer 4

an english priest, a scottish priest and an irish priest went fishing on a boat in the middle of a river

in the afternoon they decide to have lunch

the english priest says that he needs some salt
so he kneels down and prays to god
swings his feet over the side of the boat and walks on water,
goes to the shore and comes back with his salt

then the scottish priest says that he needs some pepper
so he kneels down and prays to god
swings his feet over the side of the boat
walks on water and goes to shore and comes back with his pepper

after a while the irish priest says that he needs some ketchup
so kneels down and prays to god
swings his feet over the side of the boat
and falls into the water and drowns

the scottish priest looks at the english priest and says
'we should have shown him where the stepping stones were'

Answer 5

I haven't heard those Englishman/Scotsman/Irishman jokes for ages, since they've been declared 'non PC' - but it's still funny.

Answer 6

The one about the Outer Mongolian Cocck Sucking Feret is far better.

Answer 7

hope ya like this one


Three men were trying to rob a bank, when they were shot and killed. God comes down to them and said, "I will give all three of you the chance to live, and you get one final chance to steal something." The men all agreed. They were willing to do anything to live. God says to them, "Go to the fruit market down the street and steal three fruit of any kind. Then come back here and I will tell you what to do." The first man came back, carrying 3 cherries. God says to him, "If you can put all 3 cherries up your butt without making a face, I will give you your life back. If not, you are going to hell." The man puts 2 cherries up his butt, but as he is sticking the third one inside he makes a grunting face. God snaps his fingers and sends the man to hell. The second man came back carrying three apples. God says to him, "If you can stick all three of those apples up your butt, I will give you your life back. If not, you are going to hell. So the man sticks 2 apples up his butt. But when he puts the third one inside, he starts laughing hysterically. God says to him, "You have made a face, and now you will go to hell, but I'm curious...why did you start laughing?" And the man said then, "Cuz Larry is coming back, and he stole 3 watermelons."

Answer 8

Ha ha ha

Lol

Long Time No See, these kinda jokes a rare.

last time i heard it in scary movie 3

Answer 9

An oldie but goodie methinks!

Answer 10

Do you know something? That's forking good!