Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

2006-08-01 23:46:52 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-01 23:40:55 · 11 answers · asked by siuteng 1

1.Tooth Pulling

A man and his wife entered a dentist's office.
The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."

"You're a brave woman," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."

The wife turns to her husband and says: "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear"

2006-08-01 23:29:04 · 23 answers · asked by Nasta 2

I'm bored

2006-08-01 23:19:44 · 17 answers · asked by Aye 2

2006-08-01 23:14:19 · 16 answers · asked by sooziebaby 2

Why is it that if someone tells you that there is 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint on it you will have to touch it to be sure!

2006-08-01 23:11:02 · 11 answers · asked by Hardez 3

1.Woman Says, Man Hears
What a woman says:
This place is a mess! C'mon, you and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right now!
What a man hears:
Blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON, blah, blah, YOU AND I, blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR, blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES, blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW.

2.Three Strikes You're Out
A farmer just got married and was going home on his wagon pulled by a team of horses. When one of the hoses stumbled, he said, "That's once."
Then it stumbled again. He said, "That's twice."

Then later it stumbled a third time. This time, he didn't say anything, just pulled out a shotgun and shot the hores dead.

His wife cried out and started to yell at him. The farmer turned to her and said, "That's once

3. Santa, Tooth Fairy, Drunk, Lawyer
Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course; the other three don't exist.

2006-08-01 23:10:38 · 11 answers · asked by Nasta 2

2006-08-01 23:08:41 · 13 answers · asked by KAYLEE x 1

2006-08-01 22:49:09 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Sitting behind a couple of nuns at the football game, three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort, to get them to move.

In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, there are only 100 Catholics living there..."

The second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 Catholics living there..."

The third guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Idaho, there are only 25 Catholics living there..."

One of the nuns turned around, and looked at the men, and calmly said, "Why don't you go to hell, there aren't any Catholics there."

2006-08-01 22:47:02 · 15 answers · asked by Fresh 1

1.Running for Office
George W. Bush was out jogging one morning when he tripped, fell over a bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, "I sure would like to go to Disneyland." George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One."

The second kid said, "I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's." George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"

The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!" George Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are injured."

The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your *** from drowning!"
2.
The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."

2006-08-01 22:42:07 · 28 answers · asked by Nasta 2

because he realised the theif was spending a lot less than his wife does.

2006-08-01 22:38:09 · 22 answers · asked by Kelly 5

2006-08-01 22:27:34 · 23 answers · asked by Jovigirl05 3

A guy bet his neighbor $100 dollars that his dog could jump higher than a house. Thinking this not possible, the neighbor took the bet an lost.
Why did he lose the bet?
-------------=================================-----------------------------------===============================-------------------============
A man was found murdered on Sunday morning. His wife immediately called the police. The police questioned the wife and staff and got these alibis:
The Wife said she was sleeping.
The Cook was cooking breakfast.
The Gardener was picking vegetables.
The Maid was getting the mail.
The Butler was cleaning the closet.

The police instantly arrested the murderer. Who did it and how did they know?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A mother gave birth to twin boys, but they were born in different years and on different days.
And no, the boys are not part of 2 sets. How can this be possible?

2006-08-01 22:14:06 · 32 answers · asked by confused 2

2006-08-01 22:00:59 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

to Slap a Snake ???

2006-08-01 21:34:26 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-01 21:22:01 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-01 21:12:07 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-01 21:04:36 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. Hairclub for Women:
Yo mama so ugly, she's not bald, it's just her hair runnin' away from her face.



2.So Cultured!
A Greek and an Italian were drinking coffee one day discussing who had the superior culture.

Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon".

Arching his eyebrows the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics." The Italian, nodding in agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."

And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.

With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"

The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."



3.The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie
.

2006-08-01 21:00:55 · 23 answers · asked by Nasta 2

Ok here it goes:
What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?

You always hear about them but you never see any

2006-08-01 20:58:04 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

answers. The one that stumps them will get 10 points!

2006-08-01 20:54:44 · 12 answers · asked by JaCKeE 2

*riddle.....:)

2006-08-01 20:48:12 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

i know its probably simple but i jus cant get it!

2006-08-01 20:37:45 · 12 answers · asked by janey 3

Joe woke up one morning with an enormous erection and looked for his wife, but she had awakened and was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Joe was afraid he might spoil things by getting up, so he called his little boy and sent this note to his wife:

THE TENT POLE IS UP, THE CANVAS IS SPREAD, THE HELL WITH BREAKFAST, COME BACK TO BED.

The wife answered the note and sent it back by the boy. It read:

TAKE THE TENT POLE DOWN PUT THE CANVAS AWAY THE MONKEY HAD A HEMORRHAGE NO CIRCUS TODAY.
----------------

So he sent another note down. It read:

THE TENT POLE'S STILL UP AND THE CANVAS STILL SPREAD SO DROP WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND COME GIVE ME SOME HEAD
To which she replied:

I'M SURE THAT YOUR POLE'S THE BEST IN THE LAND BUT I'M BUSY RIGHT NOW SO DO IT BY HAND !

2006-08-01 20:27:17 · 11 answers · asked by Pd 6

1 st guy builds it but doesnt need it so he sells it, 2nd guy buys it but doesnt use it, 3 rd guy uses it but doesnt know it, what is it?

2006-08-01 20:23:06 · 12 answers · asked by Jason M 2

Instead of check ya later ♥

does anyone else have a catchy idea I can use? yeah thanks.

♥ ♣ ♠ ♦ ☺☻•◘○

2006-08-01 20:21:12 · 11 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

Goose has overslept and will miss his ballet class if he doesn't hurry up. Hippo has already gone out so can't help.

How can Mrs Pilkinton help get him to his class on time?

2006-08-01 20:18:49 · 14 answers · asked by markhatter 6

2006-08-01 20:10:47 · 14 answers · asked by cubuo1o 1

I get jealous when my friends smoke because they are getting a lot of vitamin Z and I'm not getting any

2006-08-01 20:10:30 · 18 answers · asked by Ya-sai 7