Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk,
but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.

2006-08-02 05:37:51 · 49 answers · asked by ? 4

2006-08-02 05:37:19 · 12 answers · asked by asawyerj 2

Be the first to figure it out.
Image link:
http://img445.imageshack.us/img445/8931/peruai2.jpg

You may not be very observant. Not at first sight.

2006-08-02 05:36:31 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Mum and Dad seated on a sofa are watching something on TV when suddenly father spots Denis (4 yr old) busy playing with his toys at the back of their sofa. So father goes on to tell Denis to go out on the balcony and see whats happening outside and report back to him.

Denis while out there, sees a vehicle passing, shouts 'I can see a vehicle passing"

and whatelse can you see? father asks

"another vehicle following it", answers Denis

and whatelse? asks father

"people walking" answers Denis

"and whatelse is there Denis?"

"And the Smiths are screwing" answers Denis

"How did you know that Denis!" Father asks suprisingly

"Coz their children are out on the balcony too". Denis answers innocenlty.

2006-08-02 05:29:45 · 17 answers · asked by Gv g 1

A happy Ending

2006-08-02 05:18:53 · 18 answers · asked by SonOfABitch 1

2006-08-02 04:59:44 · 19 answers · asked by lillynolilly 2

2006-08-02 04:57:27 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-02 04:56:37 · 27 answers · asked by spikespud 1

A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time,
> >>the host opens the door to see two Irish blokes, Paddy and Murphy,
> >>standing stark naked one with his knob in a bowl of custard,
> >>and the other with his knob stuck in a pear. The host is really
> >>shocked
> >>and says, "Well, what the heck are you doing? You could get
> >>arrested standing out there in the street like that. Anyhow what
> >>emotion is this supposed to be?!?!" Paddy replies, "Well, Oim fokin
> >>discustard,
> >>and Murphy here has just come in dispair."

2006-08-02 04:50:10 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy decides to have a party where his guests are asked to come
as different emotions e.g. fear etc. On the night of the party, the
first guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a guy
covered in green with the letters N and V painted on his chest. He
says to this guy, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?"And
the guy says," I'm green with NV". The host replies, "Brilliant,come
on in and have a drink
A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens
the door to see a woman covered in a pink body stocking with a
feather boa wrapped around her most intimate parts. He says to this woman "Wow,great outfit, what emotion have you come as?"She replies, "I'm tickled pink."He says,"I love it, come on in and join the party."
A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time, ..........

2006-08-02 04:49:08 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Does anyone have any good jokes because all the ones i no are very strange.

2006-08-02 04:48:35 · 14 answers · asked by Emmarr 2

String Theory

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."

The string walks away a little upset and sits down with his friends. A few minutes later he goes back to the bar and orders a beer.
The bartender, looking a little exasperated, says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve strings here."

So the string goes back to his table. Then he gets an idea. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. Then he walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"

And the string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

2006-08-02 04:46:51 · 14 answers · asked by ? 3

Who Wants To Be a Millionaire

A husband and wife are watching ''Who Wants To Be a Millionaire,'' and the husband winks and says, ''Honey, let's go upstairs...''

The wife says no, so the husband asks again. Again she says no.

So the husband says, ''Is that your final answer?'' The wife says yes.

The husband says, ''Well, can I phone a friend?''

2006-08-02 04:30:14 · 22 answers · asked by ? 3

here is mine!

A little boy goes to his father and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well, Son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class; and your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that, and see if that makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents room, and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

2006-08-02 04:25:00 · 31 answers · asked by ? 2

The Engineer and the Bike

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one asked, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

2006-08-02 04:23:40 · 7 answers · asked by ? 3

tell me the best joke u cn cme up wit

2006-08-02 04:14:46 · 28 answers · asked by DaNGeRouS MiNDz 2

A preacher lost his rooster and all his search efforts proved fruitless. He then decided to mention it in church so that anyone who knows its whereabouts could advise accordingly The following Sunday, while in church, he asked: "Who has a co*k?"
And all the men stood up.
Embarrassed and not knowing what to say next, he said: "I mean, who, amongst you, has seen a co*k last night?".
All the women stood up..
The priest started to blush when he realized what implications that will have on his image and asked:" No, no, no. What I mean is who, in the last two weeks in this church, has seen my co*k?"
All the nuns stood up.!!!

2006-08-02 04:14:31 · 17 answers · asked by Pd 6

there will be an interview for a pune's job. interviewer:what' your qualifiction? candidate:PHD int'vi:are you joking can'te:no,Passed Highschool in Dificulty.

2006-08-02 04:14:06 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

The Pig with the Wooden Leg

There was a tourist on a farm and he asked the farmer why one pig had a wooden leg.

The farmer said, ''That pig is the bravest pig I ever saw.''

''So why does he have a wooden leg?'' the tourist asked.

''Well one night our house caught on fire. And he came into our house and he woke us all up.''

''So,'' the tourist asked again, ''why does that pig have a wooden leg?''

''Well, a pig that brave you can't eat all at once!''

2006-08-02 04:12:21 · 8 answers · asked by ? 3

OK Smart people, here is the second part: It's about a town that's Green outside, Red inside. Its inhabitants are Black. It closes with Godwill and opens with Steel. It starts with the letter H. What is it?

PS. As I can not come back to give the answer, I will select the Best Answer if it is given, or you can ask me for it :-)

Good Luck.

2006-08-02 04:10:21 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman's vagina. The husband covered her with a coat, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car and made a dash to the hospital.

After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps. He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his penis, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp.

The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn't rise to the occasion. "if neither of you objects," the medic said, "I could give it a try."

Under the circumstances, both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered on some honey and mounted the woman. The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrust continued for several long minutes. "Hey, What the hell is happening?"

"Change of plans," The physician panted. " I'm going to drown the little bastard!."

2006-08-02 04:05:55 · 8 answers · asked by colorist 6

I haven't seen them so mad since they cancelled M.A.S.H.

2006-08-02 03:59:40 · 17 answers · asked by ? 3

Now Goose is getting all upset cos Mrs Pilkintons getting all the attention from Hippo since her ordeal in the park.

He's been flapping his wings having a tantrum but no-one is taking any notice. What should he do to get some attention??

2006-08-02 03:58:07 · 7 answers · asked by markhatter 6

Steel. It starts with the letter W. What is it?

PS. This riddle is in 2 parts, I will give the answer in 5 mn or less if somebody guesses it then I will procede to the second Part.

Good Luck.

2006-08-02 03:58:05 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

You might be a redneck if your senior prom had daycare.

2006-08-02 03:56:29 · 21 answers · asked by ? 3

I tried this one - Hillarious!!

I removed the sugar from the office coffee sugar dispenser and replaced it with salt. lol You should have seen the faces of some of these people when they took a sip of their coffee.

2006-08-02 03:55:52 · 10 answers · asked by Shamus 3

2006-08-02 03:51:56 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys' car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.
"Sir," the cop says. "Why do you have all those knives?"

"They're for my juggling act," the man says.

"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Prove it." So the man gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives. At the same time, a car with two guys in it drives by.

"Man," says the first guy. "I'm glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard."

2006-08-02 03:48:28 · 5 answers · asked by ? 3

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
> that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to
> take care of first, the truck, the car, fishing, always something more
> important to me.
>
> Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
>
> When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
> busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched
> silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only
> a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
>
> "When you finish cutting the grass," I said, "you might as well sweep
> the sidewalk."
>
> The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
>
> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the husband is the other person

2006-08-02 03:47:42 · 10 answers · asked by xxxx 2

2006-08-02 03:44:29 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous