Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

Two fraternity brothers...

Two fraternity brothers decide to go sailing one afternoon and become lost. After twenty hours with nothing to eat or drink, one of them spots a lamp floating by. He picks it up and a genie pops out. The genie notices the poor condition of the brothers and grants them one wish between the two of them.
After a lot of arguing over who gets the wish, one of them blurts out, "I wish the ocean was made of beer."

Magically, the ocean turns to beer.

Infuriated, the other guy yells, "You idiot! Now we have to piss in the boat!"

2006-08-02 03:43:51 · 7 answers · asked by ? 3

Firetruck!

2006-08-02 03:40:49 · 25 answers · asked by ? 3

Tooth Pulling

A man and his wife entered a dentist's office.
The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."

"You're a brave woman," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."

The wife turns to her husband and says: "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."

2006-08-02 03:38:07 · 17 answers · asked by ? 3

what are similarities between : 1.girls and monkeys? ans:bcoz they both fight for bananas. 2.boys and rats? ans:bcoz they will search for holes.

2006-08-02 03:24:37 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-02 03:23:33 · 5 answers · asked by Lady_Death1 1

This is going to make you so MAD! There are three words in the English language that end in "gry". ONE is angry and the other is hungry. EveryONE knows what the third ONE means and what it stands for. EveryONE uses them everyday, and if you listened very carefully, I've given you the third word. What is it? _______gry? Send this to 5 People and the answer will pop up on the screen automatically.

2006-08-02 03:21:46 · 19 answers · asked by atihcomatimam 2

Thank god. Hippo found her in the park. She was tired, dehydrated and naked as the day she was born but at least she's safe now.

Goose has decided to bake her a pie. That should sort things out.

What flavour do you suggest?

2006-08-02 03:17:44 · 7 answers · asked by markhatter 6

He said 'What have you been doing with all the grocery money that I gave you?'
She said 'Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat bastard'.

2006-08-02 03:03:29 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am a redneck, trust me. I from Georgia, everyone around where I live is as southern as southern gets. I love the Blue Collar guys, but I don't get Jeff's joke: You might be a redneck if you've ever been accused of lying through your tooth!

Does it have to do with dentures? Please let me know. Thanks!

2006-08-02 03:00:57 · 34 answers · asked by Brian.E 2

Hippo and goose are beside themselves with worry.

they've searched everywhere but where is mrs Pilkinton?

2006-08-02 02:59:20 · 7 answers · asked by markhatter 6

It turns out that Mrs Pilkinton had given Hippo money to buy an Ice Cream for Goose. He wasn't on drugs at all. His bad mood was down to the fact that the local shop didn't have any cornettos 3 days running!!

So all is now well with hippo goose and Mrs Pilkinton.

For the moment anyway. Who knows what might happen yet! What do you think might happen?

Also, if you have a message for Hippo, goose or even Mrs Pilkinton, let me know and I'll pass it on. (You may see their personal replies on this post if you're really lucky)

2006-08-02 02:58:00 · 8 answers · asked by markhatter 6

My boyfriends, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f*cking red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."

He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make Love to you really badly.
She said - Well, you've succeeded.

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

He said 'What have you been doing with all the grocery money that I gave you?'
She said 'Turn si

2006-08-02 02:53:29 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hippo has been stealing money from Mrs Pilkinton to fund a newly developed drug habit.

Goose spotted him doing it and is scared to confront him because lately, Hippo has had a bit of a temper.

What should Goose do? Join in with Hippo and start taking drugs?
Tell Mrs Pilkinton? Or something else?

2006-08-02 02:50:37 · 6 answers · asked by markhatter 6

Make me laugh for your 10 points :-D

2006-08-02 02:47:45 · 22 answers · asked by kristin22 4

2006-08-02 02:44:06 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Bob and Jim were out hiking, when Jim had to go pee. So Jim walked over to the lake, unbuttoned his pants and started taking a leak. But, just then a venomous water moccasin (some of you know as a cotton mouth, copperhead) jumped out of the water and bit Jim right on the tip of his you-know-what. He screamed in pain. He told Bob to run to the local doctor and ask him what to do. So Bob went to the doctor. Bob told the doctor, "My friend Jim just got bit by a water moccasin! The doctor told Bob to save his friends life, Bob would need to cut and X over the bite, and suck the venom out. Bob went back into the woods. Jim said, "What did the doctor say, Bob?" Bob said "The doctor said you're gonna die, Jim."

2006-08-02 02:43:36 · 12 answers · asked by Brian.E 2

2006-08-02 02:30:05 · 30 answers · asked by Boo Boo 4

WIll you rate this joke of mine? True story:

My dad always made up the weirdest nicknames for me, my 2 brothers and sister. Like, mine was "Sport", but I actually never played any sports in my life. My sister's was "Sweet Pea", but she would throw up when she ate peas. My brother's was "Hot Rod", but my brother d watching motor sports and going to car shows. My Dad called my other brother "Smart Mouth" when in fact he was a Dumb@$$.

2006-08-02 02:18:49 · 10 answers · asked by Brian.E 2

I don't get the time where he was doing his "Naked eating Cheetos" routine, and he said" The televangelsist said" Do you feel the urge to get up and send mea thousand dollars? Close!" Close? is that what he said? I don't get it. Who does?

2006-08-02 02:12:49 · 4 answers · asked by Brian.E 2

u finish everyone else's sentence with three words only, it has to make sense u guys..so il start it off.
ok here goes: in the dark

2006-08-02 02:00:47 · 18 answers · asked by Love2Answer 2

Johnny watched his daddy’s car pass the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane embracing.

Excitedly, Johnny told his mom, “Mommy, I saw Daddy go into the woods with Aunt Jane, and he was giving her a big kiss! Then he helped her take off her shirt. Then she helped Daddy take his pants off, then she...”

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said,“Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell it.”

At dinner, Mommy asked Johnny to tell Daddy what he saw. Johnny began, “I saw Daddy go into the woods with Aunt Jane…,” and he continued to where he was stopped earlier, “...and she helped Daddy take his pants off, then she and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill did when Daddy was in the Army.”
Moral: don’t interrupt.

2006-08-02 01:59:20 · 12 answers · asked by xxxx 2

According to recent study, Mary Magdelene is believed to be the Holy Grail or the chalace used at church to hold the Eucharist. Also according to biblical study the Eucharist is Jesus Christ. Now, follow me, if the Eucharist is always inside the Holy Grail then they must be in a sexual affair because Mary Magdelene is always inside Jesus!

2006-08-02 01:36:01 · 4 answers · asked by ? 2

she went to Nipsey Russell’s funeral and said, “When are they going to cut the ______?”

2006-08-02 01:26:00 · 12 answers · asked by Pennywise 3

Click the Site below but read this first!

The Mouse of your computer will grow right infront of your eyes and believe me it will!
Its Hypnosis!

First click the site Below then click freedownload of the LARGE Hypnotic Spiral Image then open it and double click the option!


Just stare at the centre of the Spiral and say ten times, slowly, "MY MOUSE WILL GROW", then look at your mouse!
Tell me the results!!!

http://www.hypnosisaudio.com/scripts.htm?OVRAW=hypnotherapy%20script&OVKEY=hypnotherapy%20script&OVMTC=standard

2006-08-02 01:19:22 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2 day is opposite day and i am going 2 ask you a question but you have 2 answer.and leave your e mail's so i can email you and tal u what u didi rong and the 1 that cant figer it out i will give 10 pontit's





dont tal me i look nice tel me i look ugly and bad stuff) not like that .


(opposite day is over)

2006-08-02 01:05:05 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

Who will be crowned the best "yo mama joker"?

2006-08-02 00:37:48 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

The suicide rate in Sweden is so high that tall buildings and Radiohead songs have been banned.

2006-08-02 00:37:21 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

what does it mean?

2006-08-02 00:35:33 · 7 answers · asked by Fair Lady 2

GOTO THIS SITE AND READ THE COMMENTS OF WHAT PEOPLE SAW AND THEN WATCH IT, READING THE COMMENTS ALONE WILL LET YOU SEE WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO WATCH IS BRILLIANT

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AsEVuIjA2a32igr1PxfD46OKBgx.?qid=20060802025006AAz65rY

2006-08-02 00:30:47 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-02 00:20:55 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous