If you want 10 points?

Question

Make me laugh for your 10 points :-D

Answer 1

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck,
and everyone inside dies. As they stand at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Paradise and meet their maker, God decides to grant each person one wish because of the grief they have experienced.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is
"I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is
done.

The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous, but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing.

When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the
floor, laughing his head off.

Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be.

The guy eventually calms down and says:

"Make 'em all ugly again."

Answer 2

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador Retriever and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

Answer 3

A little boy goes to his father and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well, Son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class; and your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that, and see if that makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents room, and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, Son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored, and the Future is in deep sh*t."

Answer 4

The following is a true story.

There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat.

Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!"

Answer 5

Blair and Bush
Tony Blair called George Bush one day and said, 'George I have a great idea! When you next visit us we are going to tour Middle England'. 'Good idea PM, how will we go about it?' said Bush.
'Well' said Blair ' we'll get ourselves one of those long Barbour coats, some proper wellies, a stick and a flat cap, oh and a Labrador. Then we'll really look the part. We'll go to a nice old country pub, in Much Something or other or one of those types of English villages and we'll show we really enjoy the Countryside.' 'Right PM' said Bush.

So a few days later, all kitted out and with the requisite Labrador at heel, they set off from London in a westerly direction. Eventually they arrived at just the place they were looking for and found a lovely country pub and with the dog, went in and up to the bar. 'Good evening Landlord, may we have two pints of your best ale, from the Wood' said Blair. 'Good evening Prime Minister' said the landlord,'and Good evening Mr President, two pints of best it is, coming up'.
Blair and Bush stood leaning on the bar drinking their beer and chatting, nodding now and again to those who came into the bar for a drink. The dog lay quietly at their feet.
All of a sudden, the door from the adjacent bar opened and in came a grizzled old shepherd, complete with crook. He walked up to the Labrador, lifted its tail and looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders And walked back to the other bar. A few moments later, in came another old shepherd with his crook. He walked up to the dog, lifted its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and went back to the other bar. Over the course of the next hour or so several other locals came in, lifted the dog's tail and went away looking puzzled.
Eventually Blair and Bush could stand it no longer and called the Barman over. 'Tell me' said Blair, ' why did all those old shepherds come in and look under the dog's tail like that? Is it an old custom?'


'Good Lord no,' said the barman. 'Its just that someone went and told them that there was a Labrador in this bar with two ar5eholes'!

Answer 6

OK, OK, here's one hehehe
This man who worked every day for 10+ hours for 20 years to support his family. He ends up leaving his devoted wife for a younger girl. They marry and the man retires from his job and collects on all his benefits and pensions. He and the woman live a fast life of fun and frollicking spending all the money until one day the man suffers a massive heart attack. He is taken to the hospital and miracously survives. His wife comes to visit him and his doctor tells her that since he couldn't afford the surgery, the only way for a full recovery is for her to cook all his meals, clean him and basically wait on him hand and foot. She goes to her husband who asks her what the doctor said. She looks at her husband and says, "He says you're gonna die!!!!"

Answer 7

True story
me and my best friend were at a party and my bathing suit was under my clothes (we wanted to go swimming) so i went to pull my shorts down but my bathing suit came down too. the worst part was that her mom was right behind me and thought it was halarious,she still laughs when i see her=0

Answer 8

Hollywood announced they were making a movie based on the Classical composers, and asked Arnold Swartzenneger to play Beethoven. He said he wouldn't play Beethoven....

Answer 9

I lost my virginity to a guy with a 3 inch penis.

Answer 10

iight , there is mexican, chinese, american and french, and they are stayin on this bridge and all of them were suppose to throw something out of this bridge that they have the most in their country
so first goes chinese he throwes away sushi, and than goes french, he thows condoms because they have a lot of love in france, than goes mexican, he threw away taco, because they have a lots of tacos in mexico, so now its americans turn, he looked around and he picks up mexican and he throws him out of the bridge and he goes well we have a lot of mexicans in our country.