Funniest Joke Gets 10 Points?

Question

I'm bored

Answer 1

1)I'm not racist...

I have a color tv
2)yo mama's so ugly that when she entered the ugly contest they said "no professionals"
3)Q: Why are there no mexicans in the olympics?

A: Because all the ones who can run jump and swim are already across the border!
4)yo mama is so black she went to night school and got marked absent
5)Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance...

Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink...

Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke...

Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters...

Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage...

Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place...

Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight...

Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures"...

Answer 2

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Answer below
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* Get your drunk *** off the merry-go-round. !

Constipated

A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him and explained, "I'm going to give you some suppositories. I'll insert one now, and then I'll give you another one for later this evening." Later that evening, the man asks has his wife to insert the suppository. She agrees reluctantly, then puts one hand on his shoulder and inserts the suppository. Suddenly, her husband shrieks, "Aahhhhh!" "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" she asks. "No... I just realized that the doctor had both his hands on my shoulders!!


Rules To Consider I

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

Answer 3

try this one.....

Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives. His father tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself...television, ice cream, homework, video games...but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held.

The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game and all go home. At this point, the boy's uncle stood up, took Johnny by the hand, and led him out of the room. The uncle soon returned back to the poker table without Johnny, and without comment the game resumed.

For the rest of the afternoon, little Johnny was nowhere to be seen and the card players continued without any further interruptions.

After the poker game ended, the father asked Johnny's uncle, "What in the world did you say to Johnny? I haven't heard a peep from him all day!"

"Not much," the boy's uncle replied. "I just showed him how to masturbate."

Answer 4

What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.

Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.
When did you first notice this problem?
What problem?

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"


A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man."

The other man then replies: "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."

PATIENT: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."

DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that."



A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip. I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter?' But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life.'"


A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “That driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”



When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300o C. The Russians used a pencil.

A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.” The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.” The dog replied, “But that would make no sense at all.”

Answer 5

so.. you're asking "funniest joke gets 10 points?".. that's the question... the answer is "i don't know if the funniest joke gets 10 points!, maybe, the answerer of the question".. hahaha

Answer 6

The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chicken he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish house. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens.

One Saturday night the cock rooster was missing and as that was the time he suspected cock fights occurred in the village he decided to do something about it at church the next morning.

At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"

All the men stood up.

"No no" he said. "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"

All the women stood up.

"No no" he said. "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them."

Half the women stood up.

"No no" he said "That wasn't what I meant either. Has anybody seen my cock?"

All the choir boys stood up.

Answer 7

A little kid is on the sidewalk of a really really busy street and he's chanting '3 672, 3 672....' a blonde comes up to him and says 'why are you saying that?' and the little kid says 'because its fun, wanna try?' and the blonde says 'yeah!!'
the little kid instucts the blonde to stand in the middle of the street and chat 3 672. the blonde does this, and immeadetely gets run over. then the little kid starts to chant again, but this time, he chanted ;3 673, 3673...'

Answer 8

kid walks into a bar with a rainbow Mohawk. sits down and orders a beer. this sailor a few seats down keeps starring at him. after a while the kid cops an attitude and asks the sailor if he has a problem. sailor replies i ain't got no problem w/ you. i just ****** a parrot once and was wondering if i was your father.

Answer 9

there was a catholic nun having a bath, when there was a knock at the door. she called out 'Who's there?" the reply was "it's the blind man." the thought for a second... blind man, can's see... So she called "come in."
the blind man walked in, saw the nun and said: "Nice ****, now where do you want the curtains?"

Answer 10

this young lad is watchin his mum take a bath, he sees her boobs and says whats them mommy, she says thats your daddy's milk dispenser for his coffee, oh right says the lad whats that pointing to her vagina, oh that says the mom thats where your daddy hit me with an axe because his milk dispenser was empty. oh right says the lad, dads a good shot isn't he cuz he hit ya right in the ****.