Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

is it's own reword.

2006-08-06 09:20:32 · 7 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5

does anyone have any good freddie mercury jokes im goin to a friends house and hes a HUGE fan of his he was rated 2nd best queen fan in ohio so i need a good joke at the expense of freddie murcury

2006-08-06 09:19:32 · 2 answers · asked by livindead91 2

No, not belly buttons...
First person to have the sense of humour to get it right,
gets the points!

2006-08-06 09:15:47 · 14 answers · asked by rigbyelinor 3

I shave my legs, I sit down to pee. And I can justify any shopping spree. Don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon. I can get a massage without a hard-on. I can balance the check book, I can pump my own gas. Can talk to my friends about the size of my a s s. My beauty's a masterpiece and yes, it takes long. At least I can admit to others when I'm wrong. I don't drive in circles, at any cost. And I don't have a problem admitting I'm lost. I never forget an important date. You just gotta deal with it, I'm usually late. I don't watch movies with lots of gore. Don't need instant replay to remember the score. I won't lose my hair, I don't get jock itch. And just cause I'm assertive, don't call me a b i t c h. Don't say to your friends, Oh yeah, I can get her. In your dreams, my dear, I can do better! Flowers are okay, but jewelry's best. Look at me you idiot... Not at my chest!!! I don't have a problem, With Expressing my feelings. I know when you're lying, You look at the ceiling. DON'T call me a GIRL , a BABE or a CHICK . I am a WOMAN. Get it you D I C K!!

2006-08-06 09:15:32 · 9 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

Willys cynical thought for the fugging day;

Is it my imagination, or do freaking buffalo wings taste like chicken?

1st Insurance man - sleeps with own wife That's "Home Insurance"

2nd Insurance man - sleeps with girl friend That's "Mutual Benefit

3rd Insurance man - sleeps with chorus girl That's "New York Life"

4th Insurance man - sleeps with secretary That's "employees Mutual Benefit"

5th - Insurance man - sleeps with hotel maid That's Travelers Aid"

6th - Insurance man - sleep with woman next door That's "Royal Neighbors"

7th - Insurance man - sleeps with old maid That's "Prudential"

8th - Insurance man - sleeps with grandma That's "Old Age Assistance"

9th - Insurance man - sleeps with nobody That's "John Hancock"

10th - Insurance man - sleeps with anybody That's "Metropolitan"

11th - Insurance man - sleep with boyfriend That's "Odd Fellow"

12th - Insurance man - sleeps with Charlie McCarthy That's "Lumberman's' Mutual"

In case anyone gets pregnant from all of this, That's "Industrial Accident"

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-08-06 09:09:16 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-06 09:07:16 · 8 answers · asked by emily w 1

Doctor: i have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: well might aswell give me the bad news 1st.
Doctor: the lab called with your test results, they said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 hours! thats teribble, what could be worse, whats the very bad news?
Doctor: ive been trying to reach you since yesterday!.

2006-08-06 09:03:48 · 11 answers · asked by chipz and gravy 2

The NFL announced today in a press conference that one team
from the league needed to be eliminated. What officials have
decided to do is combine the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa
Bay Buckaneers and form one team therefor saving jobs. They
will be known as the TAMPACKS.... They are good for only one
period and have no second string.

Well..was that worth a touch-down or just a plain foul?

2006-08-06 08:59:26 · 7 answers · asked by SmileyCat : ) 4

2006-08-06 08:59:13 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

I can sizzle like bacon,
I am made with an egg,
I have plenty of backbone, but lack a good leg,
I peel layers like onions, but still remain whole,
I can be long, like a flagpole, yet fit in a hole,
What am I?

2006-08-06 08:55:01 · 11 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

Women have two breasts yet only wear 1 bra. Women also only have 1 vagina yet they wear a pair of panties. Kinda strange huh?

2006-08-06 08:49:00 · 2 answers · asked by absolute genious 2

A guy comes to his friends and finds him beating his dick with a hammer.

-what are you doing?
-I'M MASTURBATING!
-masturbating with a hammer?! are you enjoying it at all?
-YES EACH TIME I MISS IT.

2006-08-06 08:47:44 · 17 answers · asked by chipz and gravy 2

Two boxers are in a boxing match (regular boxing, not kick
boxing). The fight is scheduled for 12 rounds but ends
after 6 rounds, after one boxer knocks out the other boxer.
Yet no man throws a punch. How is this possible?

2006-08-06 08:47:15 · 4 answers · asked by SmileyCat : ) 4

today is the tomarrow that i told you about yesterday?
my friend told me about this and i thought she was wierd .

2006-08-06 08:44:53 · 29 answers · asked by tink 2

As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under
the seat. Later I called the company and was relieved that
the driver had found my bag. When I went to pick it up,
several off-duty bus drivers surrounded me. One man handed
me my pocketbook, two typewritten pages and a box containing
the contents of my purse. "We're required to inventory lost
wallets and purses," he explained. "I think you'll find
everything there."

As I started to put my belongings back into the pocketbook,
the man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even
though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into
your purse. And we'd like to see just how you do it."

Woman?Does this sound like your purse?
Men? Do you know a woman with a purse like this?

I gave my mom a little kitchen sink keychain once so when people would look at her giant purse and say..you've got everything but the kitchen sink in their....she could correct them an pull that out too!

2006-08-06 08:39:22 · 8 answers · asked by SmileyCat : ) 4

2006-08-06 08:38:11 · 9 answers · asked by aurorakana1979 2

In the dark I am found, without being fetched.
In the day I am lost, without being stolen.
What am I?

2006-08-06 08:33:42 · 4 answers · asked by The Chancellor™ 4

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie,
each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales
begins.

The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just
the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I
wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."

The second can't stand to be bested. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down
the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock
and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its
head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."

The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his p~e~n~i~s.

Thumb up or thumb down?
Comments a plus!
SmileyCat : )

2006-08-06 08:18:45 · 4 answers · asked by SmileyCat : ) 4

♦Many things can create one, it can be of any shape or size, it is created for various reasons, and it can shrink or grow with time. What is it?♦
◊ ♥ ♠ ♣ ♦

2006-08-06 08:13:47 · 8 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

fat man wiiit his kids and dog droooooove in through the moning fog hello rover come on oveeeeeeeeer..red headed lady reaches for an apple gonna take a bite uh nope she gonna breathe on it first wipes it on her boouuuuuuuuuuuuuuse yh she takes a bite chews it 1ce 2ce 3 times 4 times, stops saliva woooooooooorkin takes a long hard look at randy 5 times fat ol huband walkin oveeeeeeeer "lets get the hel* out of here" thyre walking down the road left foot right foot left foot right foot....ect

2006-08-06 08:12:10 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

The 1st person to answer with the correct answer gets awarded best answer!!!!!! 10 points!!! easy!!!! gd luck!

2006-08-06 08:02:50 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

You are in a cold house in the winter. It is dark. You have one match. There is a candle and there is a wood burning stove. Which do you light first?

the 1st person 2 get it right gets awarded best answer!!!!

2006-08-06 07:45:40 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why is it every time u put alot of ice in water it is wet on the outside of the cup??

2006-08-06 07:22:25 · 7 answers · asked by GhostRecon48 2

a man was cleaning up some very dangerous chemicals without waring gloves which if eaten could kill u. he was hard at work when his wife caled to say his lunch was ready, so the man went to the tap and washed his hands all befor he went inside to eat the sandwage his wife had made for him. 3 hours later the man was dead!

my question is y did he die?
the 1st correct answer will be voted best answer.

2006-08-06 07:21:49 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous

he was in great demand by the various churches and temples in the area.Since this got to be a strain running from place to place,the religous groups got together and worked out a schedule where they each would get Nostradamus' services two or three times a month on a rotating basis.It was the worlds first...









(wait for it)












prophet sharing plan!

2006-08-06 07:17:29 · 8 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5

Used left or right, I get to travel,
Over cobblestone or gravel.
Used up; I vie for sweet success,
Used down, I cause men great duress.
What am I?

2006-08-06 07:15:45 · 11 answers · asked by jfmm 7

what is the best reaction to that question?

2006-08-06 07:15:27 · 15 answers · asked by xxfeleasexx 2

I know the answer. I just want to know if anyone else can get it!

2006-08-06 07:12:44 · 8 answers · asked by the_ridiculous_fish1 3

If God makes a mistake, it is fate.
If a barber makes a mistake, it is a new style.
If a driver makes a mistake, it is an accident.
If a doctor makes a mistake, it is an operation.
If an engineer makes a mistake, it is a new venture.
If parents make a mistake, it is a new generation.
If a politician makes a mistake, it is a new law.
If a scientist makes a mistake, it is a new invention.
If a tailor makes a mistake, it is a new fashion.
If a teacher makes a mistake, it is a new theory.
If an student makes a mistake, it is a "MISTAKE"


*just fun*

2006-08-06 07:10:05 · 14 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

why would the polo mint not fight the Locket?

because Lockets are menthol!!

Spare me please.................

2006-08-06 07:04:23 · 25 answers · asked by John M 2