Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

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2006-08-05 20:12:32 · 10 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

it is better than god
it is worse than evil
poor people have it
rich people do'nt need it
and if you eat it you will die

FACT: children are most likely to answer this correctly than adults

2006-08-05 20:11:43 · 12 answers · asked by d_man 1

2006-08-05 20:07:06 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

1st correct answer, 10 points

2006-08-05 20:04:10 · 9 answers · asked by SweetBrunette 5

1st correct answer, 10 points

2006-08-05 20:03:14 · 6 answers · asked by SweetBrunette 5

1st correct answer, 10 points

2006-08-05 20:02:16 · 9 answers · asked by SweetBrunette 5

1st correct answer, 10 points

2006-08-05 20:01:29 · 3 answers · asked by SweetBrunette 5

There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it.

Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. "He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that."

She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breast; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that.

Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family."

With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.

The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as the old lady said.

She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family."

2006-08-05 20:00:39 · 4 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

Whats the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

2006-08-05 19:57:43 · 4 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

A confirmed horse player hadn't been to church in years even though his wife attended every week. One Sunday, however, he finally went with her.
"That wasn't so bad," he said on the way home. "The church was air-conditioned, the pews were cushioned and the singing is great. Did you notice people looking at me when I joined in with my deep baritone voice?"
"Yes, I noticed them," his wife responded. "But the next time we go to church, please try to sing, "Hallelujah, Hallelujah" and not "Hialeah, Hialeah."





lol

2006-08-05 19:37:32 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Previously, we had this following riddle:

What does a watch that goes "tick tick tick", say to you?
A: Nothing! It wouldn't tock!

Lol. And here is today's riddle:

What did Pooh bear said to his agent?

Good luck!

2006-08-05 19:36:18 · 10 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." "Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!" "Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"

2006-08-05 19:25:59 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"
"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

2006-08-05 18:49:42 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

2006-08-05 18:43:48 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

what's bigger then god and poor people have it and rich people want it and if you eat it you will surely die

2006-08-05 18:15:38 · 16 answers · asked by . 4

Willys cynical thought for the flipping day;

Civilization is just a slow process of fugging learning to be kind!

1. You wake up face down on the pavement.

2. You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.

3. You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.

4. You see a "60 minutes" news team waiting in your office.

5. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

6. You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any.

7. You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.

8. Your twin sister forgot your birthday.

9. You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don't have a waterbed.

10. Your car horn goes off accidentally & remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.

11. Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.

12. Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.

13. The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.

14. You wake up and your braces are locked together.

15. You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.

16. You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.

17. Your blind date turns out to be your ex.

18. Your income check bounces.

19. You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

20. Your pet rock snaps at you.

21. Your wife says, "Good morning, Allan" and your name is George.

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-08-05 18:00:59 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

i want to laugh sooo hard that i pee my pants...can you help me? just tell a hilarious joke mmk

2006-08-05 17:59:39 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

winner= 10 pts richer!

2006-08-05 17:51:19 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-05 17:46:06 · 11 answers · asked by dcny21 1

The Nincompoop Journal:

2006-08-05 17:42:51 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

I do! Two Blondes waked into a buliding; You would think that one of them would have seen it!!

2006-08-05 17:28:37 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

but I had reservations.

2006-08-05 17:23:00 · 6 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5

I'm thinking around 7 or so... That's when it's going to start saying to itself, "Hey...I don't look like the Kiwanis Club!"

2006-08-05 17:15:25 · 10 answers · asked by Joel E 2

but I was under-trained.

2006-08-05 17:12:30 · 8 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5

The Nincompoop's Journal

2006-08-05 17:11:52 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

but the second mouse gets the cheese.

2006-08-05 17:07:38 · 12 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5

2006-08-05 17:07:07 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-05 16:53:17 · 20 answers · asked by mommy 3

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like... Night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
14. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
15. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

2006-08-05 16:52:06 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

but I got board.

2006-08-05 16:48:34 · 8 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5