Jokes & Riddles (Entertainment & Music) - August 2006

1 ⤊

Answer the riddle for 10 points?

When he brought it, he didn't need it.
When he needed it, he didn't want it.
When he used it, he didn't know it.
What is it?

2006-08-05 10:16:39 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

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i got a quiz for you!?

1. what is 12 divided by 3?
2. who invented the three laws of motion?
3. are you wearing underwear?
4. aoprope yopuop gopoopod aopt sopolvoping copodopes?
5. who said "who's Lucy, and what's up with your nipples"?
6. what is the difference between lava and magma?
7. what is the capitol of Thailand?
8. what are you wearing?
9. where is ardougne located?
10. did you do well on this quiz?

2006-08-05 10:10:10 · 15 answers · asked by Mooifleur 2

1 ⤊

What does FEMA stand for?

Find
Every
Mexican
Available...............their Re-buliding New Orleans

2006-08-05 10:04:50 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

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try to answer this!?

error = x erorr = y

x + y = 0.294710685

0.294710685

2006-08-05 10:02:51 · 8 answers · asked by JayShaw13 1

0 ⤊

Can I have the best joke you've ever heard?

It can be dirty, clean, or WHATEVER, just give a joke, not a stupid comment.

2006-08-05 10:02:49 · 5 answers · asked by that's hawt 3

0 ⤊

Mother in law joke.?

A man and his mother in law took a trip to the holy land. While they were there she died unexpectedly. The son in law spoke to the undertaker who said they could bury her very cheaply. But the son in law said "No I want her sent back to the States to be buried there." The undertaker said "That's going to cost you an awful lot are you sure you don't want to bury her here?" The son in law said "Look 2000 years ago you buried a man here and he rose from the dead. I'm not taking that chance!"

2006-08-05 09:59:26 · 11 answers · asked by Marci S 3

11 ⤊

Riddle #3: What am I...?

I help you to communicate but you cannot see or touch me, and I can go as high as possible, what am I?

2006-08-05 09:37:01 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

0 ⤊

Funny joke- laugh or crowbar...?

Why was the washing machine laughing so much?
'cause it was taking the piss out of the knickers!!!

2006-08-05 09:32:24 · 4 answers · asked by Dawnyyyyy bub 1

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i need a joke better than this?

teenaged girl "do baby's realy come from where boys sick their penises."
mother "yes dear they do."
teenaged girl "won't that knock out all of my teeth"

2006-08-05 09:17:50 · 18 answers · asked by jjjgavin 2

9 ⤊

Riddle #2: What am I...?

I am near you when you least expect it, and sometimes you may notice me, but I leave an impression on you and I try escape as fast as I can into the night I go?

2006-08-05 09:14:50 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2 ⤊

Ex-Mexican Subway Inspector Goes Into a Bar?

Willys cynical thought for the day;

Windows: Is just another pane in the fugging glass!

A guy goes into a Texas bar all dejected, and orders a drink.

The barkeep says, "Here, you look down. It's on the house if you'll tell me your story."

"Otay," the guy says in a heavy Mexican accent. "Ess like theese: I jused to be an inspector for the Mexican Navy."

"Really!" the barkeep says, surprised. "I didn't know Mexico had a Navy."

"Oh, chure," the inspector says.

"So, what did you inspect?"

"Submarines."

"What did you have to do?"

"Well," the inspector says, taking a big drink. "I get into the submarine with all the other guys in the Navy and I say, 'Take it down to 100 feet!'"

"And what happens?"

"Then I go around and check for leaks. Then I say, 'Take it down to 200 feet!'"

"And then what happens?"

"Then I go around and check for leaks again. And if everything goes well, I say, 'Take it down to a thousand feet!'"

"And then what happens?"

The Mexican inspector shakes his head sadly. "Then those damn adobe walls just fall apart!"

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-08-05 09:13:10 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

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What are some of the BEST jokes out there and where can i find them free on the web?

i would really appreciate it if you could give me some tips on telling jokes and telling some jokes. thank for your help!!!

2006-08-05 09:01:15 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

11 ⤊

Rules To Enter TEXAS?

Willys cynical thought for the day;

I wouldn't be caught dead with a fugging necrophiliac!

Applies to each person as they enter Texas. Learn 'em and remember 'em. East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot!

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Hummer. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. They are cattle and oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one!

4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed! We have quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive 3 weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat catfish and crawdads. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

9. We open doors for women. That applies to all women, regardless of age.

10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and picante sauce. Oh, yeah...we don't give a damn what you folks in Cincinnati call that crap you eat... It AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in San Antonio.... And real chili never met a tomato - OR BEANS!

12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

13. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch!

14. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish!

15. Colleges? Try Texas A&M or the University of Texas. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays!

16. We have more folks in the Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas." If you do, it will get your butt whooped by the best. Remember we have access to bombers, tanks and helicopters -- and we know how to use them.

17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said: "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas!"

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-08-05 08:55:47 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

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anyone up for a good laugh?

Famous Double-Entendres..

Michael Burke on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use
Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."

Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

'Winning Post's' Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidabl

2006-08-05 08:55:46 · 11 answers · asked by maidenrocks 3

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Websites please....thank you.?

does anyone have some humor websites?Please,give me some....thank you.

2006-08-05 08:42:37 · 7 answers · asked by pompomgirl292 2

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can you name all the seven dwafs? and what was there jobs.....?

2006-08-05 08:35:35 · 15 answers · asked by ruth c 2

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How many cookies can you eat on an empty stomache?

2006-08-05 08:33:07 · 12 answers · asked by mn01countrygirl 2

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Riddle #20 and yes it's the last riddle ♥?

Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud, and cross back?

♥

2006-08-05 08:21:27 · 10 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

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Free falling... a joke..:)?

A sky diver and his instructor peered down at the field 3,000 feet below. "There's nothing tow worry about." the instructor said. "You jump, count to three and pull your rip cord. If that doesn't work, pull your reserve cord. There'll be a truck down there to pick you up."
The sky diver took a deep breath and plunged into the open air. After free-falling, he counted to three, then pulled his rip cord. Nothing happened. So he pulled his reserve. A few cobwebs drifted out.
"Darn," he said. "I'll bet that truck's not down there either."

lol:)

2006-08-05 08:18:18 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

5 ⤊

Would a funny janitor?

be a commodian?

2006-08-05 08:10:23 · 8 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5

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Can you answer any or all of these riddles?

[All answers to these riddles will be provided here once a winner is chosen.]

1.What has fingers but can't type?

2.What has ears but can't hear?

3.What has arms but can't hug?

4.What has a head and a foot but no body?

5.When is a car not a car?

6.What has a mouth but never smiles?

7.What has a face but no head?

8.What has leaves but isn't a tree?

9.What has eyes but can't see?

10. What has legs but can't walk?