Willys cynical thought for the day;
I wouldn't be caught dead with a fugging necrophiliac!
Applies to each person as they enter Texas. Learn 'em and remember 'em. East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot!
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Hummer. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle and oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one!
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed! We have quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish and crawdads. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That applies to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and picante sauce. Oh, yeah...we don't give a damn what you folks in Cincinnati call that crap you eat... It AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in San Antonio.... And real chili never met a tomato - OR BEANS!
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch!
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish!
15. Colleges? Try Texas A&M or the University of Texas. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays!
16. We have more folks in the Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas." If you do, it will get your butt whooped by the best. Remember we have access to bombers, tanks and helicopters -- and we know how to use them.
17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said: "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas!"
http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/
2006-08-05 08:55:47 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
From. Willys Jokes archives! Best Dayum Jokes anywhere!
2006-08-05 08:56:08 · update #1
ohhh number 17 is such a lie! IL is the most independent state hello we have the industrial side to us plus we have the agricultural you try making it without our corn and bean supply, please e-mail me so i can make a few points to why IL is the greatest state there is lol ♥
2006-08-05 09:45:27 · answer #1 · answered by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
As far as Cincinnati being the "Chili Capitol",I like what Ron White said about it.
"Pardon me for thinking it might be Guadala-friggin-jara.Or maybe even Mexico City.I bet you didn't even tell them Mexican boys you were having a contest.Pedro would've rode up on a goat ,carrying an onion,aand kicked yall's asses.Of course he might need a ride home."
As to the governor;
Wait until November and see who our next governor is.
"He ain't Kinky.He's my governor!"
Kinky Friedman For Governor 2006!
2006-08-05 16:19:07 · answer #2 · answered by twiztidsdad 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Once the soon to be Governor of Texas (and later our Idiot President, Puppet to War Mongerers, Oil Companies and Arms Makers) snorted coke in Dallas during the disco era, whence he had yet to find out that God delivers..votes. He also received a DUI..and amazingly not a Nobel peace Prize.
So if that idiot waves to trucks as you claim Texans do... we know why! Snort, drink and cause war.. Git-er-done Texas!
2006-08-05 16:05:14 · answer #3 · answered by MJFProd 3 · 2⤊ 6⤋
now remember what your governor george w bush said " rarely is the question asked, is our children learning? "
2006-08-06 01:36:14 · answer #4 · answered by sooperman1234 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Huh!
2006-08-05 16:08:59 · answer #5 · answered by DichloroDiphenyl 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I thought the rules were:
1)Swim river
2) climb fence
3) avoid la migra
4) sell oranges on freeway ramp
5) sign up for welfare
2006-08-06 10:01:23 · answer #6 · answered by capnbeatty 5 · 3⤊ 6⤋
thats total crap
2006-08-05 16:29:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
Gimme a "S"
Gimme a "T"
Gimme a "U"
Gimme a "P"
Gimme a "I"
Gimme a "D"
Now what's that spell...
...
...
...
...
...
...
STUPID
2006-08-05 16:00:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 5⤋