Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

only 8_______________-) that big

2006-08-05 13:45:33 · 7 answers · asked by blankman86 1

but I talked myself out of it.

2006-08-05 13:41:14 · 6 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5

2006-08-05 13:30:57 · 7 answers · asked by Rice Whore 3rd 1

its the middle of a hurricane and you see 3 ppl at a bus stop.1 is an old lady who is about 2 die. the 2nd is ur bst friend who saved ur life. the 3rd is the girl of ur dreams. what do you do?

2006-08-05 13:14:05 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

???

2006-08-05 13:11:09 · 37 answers · asked by jmpearson2001 1

First joke that makes me lol will get 10 points

2006-08-05 13:10:34 · 12 answers · asked by Pisces 2

Sixty-Eight Fun Things to do in Walmart
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3.Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to join in.

5. Run up to an employee (preferrebly a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him " I need some tampons!!"

6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

7. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

8. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms

9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "sex and candy"

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this ****, anyway?"

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.

17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins. 18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

20. Put M&M's on layaway.

21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

24. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

33. Take bets on the battle described above.

34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)

35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.

37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission:Impossible."

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.

41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: "Marco Polo."

43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle,etc.

44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.

45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.

46. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them

47. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

49. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

51. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."

52. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.

53. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something,quickly make off with it without saying a word.

54. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

55. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

56. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

57. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)."

58. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

59. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

60.When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

61.Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

62.Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

63.Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

64. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"

65. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

66. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."

67. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

68. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it!

2006-08-05 12:58:35 · 19 answers · asked by ~Blue Eyes~ 2

this is an old comedian i want to find his work again

2006-08-05 12:53:59 · 5 answers · asked by lightnin 1

Who the hell Writes this stuff???

2006-08-05 12:51:07 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

...But please don't send links of other people's!

Just send your own, or ones that you've heard, and find funny...

Here's a few to start you off with:

Is your great-grandmother under 45, and she just had a baby, so now you're older than your grandmother, if so, you could be a redneck...

You could be a redneck, if you keep having children, because you need new names to put the phone bill in...

Okay guys, your turn...

2006-08-05 12:37:51 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

Share your best light bulb screwing-in joke.


How many Episcopalians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Four. One to call the repairman, one to mix drinks, and two to complain how they liked the old bulb better than the new bulb.

YOUR TURN!

2006-08-05 12:34:23 · 7 answers · asked by Sugar Pie 7

Click on this page

http://www.eyetricks.com/scary_optical_illusion2.htm

Look at the pic, you'll see a room, there's something not quite right with it.

1st to come back with the answer gets 10 points.

Hint: concentrate on the centre of the room, it might take you a minute to get it

2006-08-05 12:33:58 · 30 answers · asked by projetkarma 2

to --------------------------------------------

Please feel free to fill the blanks and then answer your own question.

10 points for the one who amuses me the most

2006-08-05 12:30:06 · 29 answers · asked by projetkarma 2

Why doesn't he just BUY dinner instead of chasing Roadrunner?

2006-08-05 12:25:20 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

...after losing his leg in a war?

(I give 10 points for the quickest correct answer!)

2006-08-05 12:18:53 · 3 answers · asked by celia3018 3

2006-08-05 12:13:32 · 8 answers · asked by 42ITUS™ 7

'a' a goodwill ambassador ¿ , or 'b' a human sheild ?

2006-08-05 12:05:48 · 19 answers · asked by asdfgh 2

2006-08-05 11:51:07 · 5 answers · asked by xinnybuxlrie 5

Hint: Its logo is yellow.

2006-08-05 11:50:00 · 5 answers · asked by xinnybuxlrie 5

They're blaming it on the cost of living.

2006-08-05 11:44:50 · 8 answers · asked by 42ITUS™ 7

2006-08-05 11:33:09 · 29 answers · asked by mwk 2

2006-08-05 11:29:53 · 22 answers · asked by :) 2

eat clowns

2006-08-05 11:29:19 · 13 answers · asked by projetkarma 2

what is the funniest fake/joke name you have ever heard. For example- Betty Swollix

2006-08-05 11:21:17 · 19 answers · asked by scouse_nz 2

There is a common English word that is nine letters long. Each time you remove a letter from it, it still remains an English word - from nine letters right down to a single letter. What is the original word, and what are the words that it becomes after removing one letter at a time?

2006-08-05 11:08:57 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

hit me wth em!

2006-08-05 10:56:32 · 18 answers · asked by AZRAEL Ψ 5

2006-08-05 10:52:27 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

give me something to laugh at.

2006-08-05 10:49:56 · 19 answers · asked by allamericanandlovinit 1

2006-08-05 10:26:18 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Just asking ;) lol

2006-08-05 10:23:17 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous