What is the funniest joke in the world?

Question

give me something to laugh at.

Answer 1

Okay, here it is.

Retirement community. Old man and old woman have their first date. Movie or something.

She invites him back to her place.

They sit on the couch. Start making out. Getting hot and heavy.

He gets her shirt off. She says, "whoa..."

"Before we go any further, I have to warn you - I have acute angina."

The old man looks shocked for a second. Then, he smiles and says, "I sure hope so, because those boobs are AWFUL!"

HA HA HA HA HA!!!! :)

I win! I win, right??

Answer 2

This is the killing joke.

There are two guys living in an insane asylum and the decide they don't like living in an insane asylum any more. So they are going to break out.

So, that night, they hide until after 'lights out' in their ward, then sneak up to the top of the stairs and out onto the roof. There, beneath them, they can see the lights of the city stretching out into the distance. If they can just get over to the roof of the adjoining building, which is the same height, they can get down the stairs there, and into the street, and they will be free!

So, one of them takes a tremendous running jump and lands on the roof of the adjoining building. He's made it! "Come on," he tells his friend, "You can do it! It's easy!"

But the other guy is afraid. He doesn't have the nerve.

Then the first guy has an idea. "Wait! I have my flashlight in my pocket! I'll turn it on, lay it down on this roof, and the beam will reach over to the roof you're on; then you can WALK across on the beam!"

The other guy says, "What, you think I'm CRAZY or something? YOU'D turn it OFF when I was halfway across!"

Answer 3

I believed it is this one joke written by the English man during world war I. He choked and died laughing at his own joke at his house. The German lost the war when it was discovered that the same joke can be writtien in German. Since most armies didn't understood a word in German, they were taught to tell the very same joke in German. All they have to do to win the war against Germany, the european armies would say the joke out loud in German while in battle against the German. Half of the Germans population died from the joke, and that's how world war I was won. from telling the same joke written by an english man who died from writing the joke.

Answer 4

in answer to previous answers about the answer to the question 'what is the funniest joke in the world', monty python is said to have written it for one of their sketches. sadly no copy of this joke exists, not now or ever before, as it never actually existed. but if it had, suffice it to say you would have died laughing, or split your sides, or other such horrific giggling related injuries.
a further answer, answering my own answer (see above) and your question (see above above) might be 'the aristocrats'.
there again, it might not.
but the funniest joke in the world?
it's not been written yet, and probably never will be.

Answer 5

That would be 'the killer joke'.
They did a documentary about it...
---
Voice Over: This man is Ernest Scribbler... writer of jokes. In a few moments, he will have written the funniest joke in the world... and, as a consequence, he will die ... laughing.
---
Full text here (if you dare): http://www.jumpstation.ca/recroom/comedy/python/joke.html

Answer 6

The Lone Ranger and Tonto go camping and after they set up their tent fall fast asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says

"KemoSabe, look towards sky, what do you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" asked Tonto. The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute and says "Astronomically speaking, it tells me here are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically it is evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you Tonto?" Tonto is silent for a moment and says "Kemo Sabe you are dumber than buffalo sh*t. Someone has stolen our tent."

Answer 7

i think theres no any funniest joke u know in real life when some one is so serious and do some thing funny that's gonna be the funniest joke u know or some times :D when ppl are angry or so happy or X-I-ted u just need to look at their face ...trust me we ppl are sooooooooo funny

Answer 8

The one never laughed at at first but makes you burst out laughing 10 minutes later.

Answer 9

Usually the ones that are too rude / politically incorrect to be displayed on this site without getting deleted by a moderator.

Try the ones at:
http://www.yourjokes.co.uk/index.php

Answer 10

Not really a joke but look at the picture over your bathroom sink. Hilarious!!