Does anyone know any really good "redneck" jokes?

Question

...But please don't send links of other people's!

Just send your own, or ones that you've heard, and find funny...

Here's a few to start you off with:

Is your great-grandmother under 45, and she just had a baby, so now you're older than your grandmother, if so, you could be a redneck...

You could be a redneck, if you keep having children, because you need new names to put the phone bill in...

Okay guys, your turn...

Answer 1

I'm quite fond of Jeff Foxworthy so...
If you use your toilet brush for a backscratcher.. you might be a redneck.
If you and your child are in the same grade.. you might be a redneck.
If your grandma yells " you get back in there" at the soup pot while cooking supper... you might be a redneck.
If you use the ironing board as a buffet table... you might be a redneck.
When driving down the road and you see used furniture in the garbage pile and think to your self " Hey, if that's still there tonight, it'll look good in my living room, or wow, a spool that will make a good coffee table"... you might be a redneck

Answer 2

This one is pretty funny!!
>
>
>A small zoo in Arkansas had a very rare species of gorilla.
>Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very
>difficult to handle.
>Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem.
>The gorilla was in season. To make matters worse, there was no
male
>gorilla available.
>
>Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee
>Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the
>animal cages.
>
>Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed
>ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.
>
>The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution.
>
>Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition: Would he be willing
>to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?
>
>Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think
>the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he
>would accept their offer, but only under four conditions.
> 1. "First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips."
> The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
>
> 2. "Second", he said, "You can't never tell no one about this."
> The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
>
> 3. "Third", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the chil'run raised
> Southern Baptist." Once again, the Keeper agreed.
>
> 4. "And last of all," Bobby Lee stated, "You gotta give me
> another week to come up with the $500.00."
>

Answer 3

10 ways to tell how a redneck was on your computer

10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM ports have truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is "Bubba".
4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
3. There's a Coors can in the cup holder(CD-ROM drive).
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
AND the number 1 way to tell if a redneck has been working on a computer is...

1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
you might be a redneck if...............................................................
you think a tv dinner consists of a RC Cola and a moonpie
you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say cool whip on the side.
your kid learns to shoot a gun before he learns his alphabet
you have ever surrendered to the police in exchange for ciggaretes
Thres just too many I have herd lmao well you have a good day

Answer 4

I used to drive through the country and every so often I would see a guy, he lived in a ramshackle old place with a refrigerator on the front porch and an old pickup truck on cement blocks in the front yard-- you get the idea.

Well, as I was saying, as I drove by, I would sometimes see the old guy that lived there; three teeth on top and two on bottom, and didn't any of them meet up with any of the other'n.

And that disgustin' pre-vert would sometimes be out in his yard a-humpin' away on some farm animal (which raised my estimation of the wimmenfolk in the neighborhood.)

One time he was giving a lube job to some pig, another time he was committin' the abominable and detestable crime with a goat. The third time it was a poor little lamb, and the thing's bleating and wailing just broke my heart. I couldn't stand it any more, so I pulled over, ran up to him and said, "That's enough! You let go of that sheep right now!"

He ****** a beady eye at me as he asked, "Why should I? That's what I got it for!"

I was temporarily flabbergasted, but rallied quickly and told him "Sheep are for shearing!"

He let loose a stream of tobaccy juice from one corner of his mouth, barely missing me, as he replied, "Well, I ain't shearin' this one. GO FIND YOUR OWN SHEEP!"

Answer 5

Alright, I'm a redneck and I'd like to start by pointing out that the baby my great grandma just had is actually my great aunt. Having cleared that up, I got a little joke of my own... What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? -Nothin', you dun told her twice.

Answer 6

If you go to the family reunions to meet the ladies, thye have basically all been sid by Jeff Foxworthy there is a redneck website but you didn't want it.

Answer 7

If you go to a family reunion to find a date...........you might be a red neck


If your new TV set is sitting on top of your old broken TV set....you might be a redneck

If you use the only tooth you have to open a bottle of beer...you might be a redneck

If you go outside to use the bathroom....

yeah you got the idea

Answer 8

How can you tell a Redneck invented the toothbrush?


If it had been invented by anyone else, it would have been called the Teethbrush.

Answer 9

Wow that used to be simply excellent........... however you're now not getting too many solutions at present........... you understand why.............. its HOLI in India and only a few persons are logged into Y/A. Keep Smiling Lucky Boy. Happy Holi Kalra

Answer 10

You could be a redneck if you go to family reunions to meet girls.