make me laugh..........?

Question

already heard that bri bri

Answer 1

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named you daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom Ann, "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce, "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered,
"Come on, Dick, we're leaving."

Answer 2

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician
to
ask his help in reviving her husband's libido.

What about trying Viagra? asks the doctor.

Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an
aspirin".

"Not a problem", replied the doctor. "Give him an
Irish Viagra. Drop it into his coffee. He won't even
taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let
me know how things went".

It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who
directly inquired as to progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and
begorrah! T'was horrid. Just terrible, doctor!".

"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his
coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped
his self straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and
with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of
his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying,
ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and
there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the
tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute
nightmare!"

Why so terrible?? asked doctor, ?Do you mean the sex?

"Oh, no, no, no, doctor, the sex was fine indeed!
'Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years!

But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to
show me face in Starbucks again

Answer 3

Yummy.....

http://img289.imageshack.us/img289/6928/f18rp.jpg

Answer 4

heres a blond joke:

a blond, a Burnett, and a red head were stuck on a deserted island. then the Burnett swam 1/3 is the water to the closest city and drowned. the Burnett swam 1/4 of the ocean and drowned. the blond swam half the ocean and got tired and swam back to the island.

Answer 5

The following is a true story.

There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat.

Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!"

Answer 6

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

Answer 7

A man and a head of another man in a bowling ball bag walk into a bar........The man says, Give us both a drink.........When "the head" drinks the drink he grows a torso and arms........The man gets excited and says, "Give us another round........They drink THAT drink and the "head" grows legs and shins, by this time the man is astounded and says,"Bartender, a thrid drink for my friend." The "head" drinks the third drink and disappears.........End of story......The moral is- Quit while you're ahead........................LMAOOOOOOOOO

Answer 8

Mommy, mommy! Are you sure this is the right way to make gingerbreadmen?

Shut up and get back in the oven!

Answer 9

Britney, Shania Twain, and Usher just got back from concert. They stay at the same hotel. In the elevator, they have conversation. One of them fart, Usher says: "It wasn't me." Shania says: "That don't impress me much." and Britney says: "Oops,i did it again".
The next day, they have conversation again in the elevator. One of them fart again. Usher says: "It wasn't me." Shania says: "That don't impress me much." and Britney says: "Stronger than yesterday."

Answer 10

one day when superman was flying thru the air he sees wonder women tanning naked so he think if he f*cks her real fast she wont notice so he goes and f*cks her then then he starts to fly away. he over hears invisableman say y does my butt hole hurt so bad!*!*!*!