Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

2006-08-07 23:15:36 · 13 answers · asked by superman 1

Why are Michael Jackson and the new xbox 360 so alike.

2006-08-07 23:14:19 · 11 answers · asked by nathan_nar 2

2006-08-07 23:12:11 · 11 answers · asked by Ã?â?¥Ã?ÄPixie Queen~* 3

please?blounde jokes,dirty jokes?

2006-08-07 23:04:16 · 17 answers · asked by ElEgAnTFiShIe 1

think about this one it's gonna be real hard!

2006-08-07 23:03:44 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

there is a 65 years old lady who gave birth to a child. her friends came over to see the baby
the granny said: Later, ok?
then a few minutes later, her friends ask her the same question again: Can we see the baby?
the granny said: Later, ok?!!
her friends ask her 3 times and then they said: When can we see the baby then?
granny said: When the baby cries
her friends said: why do we have to wait until the baby cries?
granny said: yeah, because i forgot where i put the baby.

2006-08-07 23:03:40 · 7 answers · asked by Andrew Petrucci 2

Your to young to be engaged!

This was my 6 year old sisters! I thought it was pretty good!

2006-08-07 22:30:52 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have never seen how other men's penises work, but I think I have a magic one.

2006-08-07 22:30:26 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

there are 3 vampires at the top of the building. they're all arguing who's the best of them all.
vampire 1: I'm the best vampires here. Do u see that man over there? I can finish him in no time. Then he flew to that man and return in 5 seconds. With blood all over his cape and said: "I finish him already!"
vampire 2: No, way. I'm much better than you. See those guys over there? I can finish them in no time. Then he flew to that group of people and return in 10 seconds. with blood all over his mouth and cape. the 1st vampire was amazed.
vampire 3: it's nothing!! I can do much more than that, then he just flew. and return in 15 seconds with blood all over his face, cape and body. He said: did you see that pole over there? Coz I didn't see it and hit it.

2006-08-07 22:26:53 · 8 answers · asked by Andrew Petrucci 2

2006-08-07 22:26:31 · 16 answers · asked by Kelly 5

yes, just like from Priscilla Queen of the Desert

2006-08-07 22:18:18 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

Get out a calculator for this one.
1. How many times a week do you want to eat chocolate? (Answer MUST be MORE than 1, and LESS than 10).

2. Multiply that number times 2.

3. Add 5.

4. Multiply that new number by 50.

5. If you've HAD your birthday this year, add 1756. If you HAVE NOT had your birthday this year, add 1755.

6. Subtract from this number the year of your birth.

You now have a three digit number. The first number is the number of times per week you want chocolate; and the second two numbers is your current age.

Pretty cool, huh?

2006-08-07 22:18:10 · 12 answers · asked by brg 1

a group of 12 large willies?

a well hung jury.

:o)

2006-08-07 22:13:09 · 12 answers · asked by Kelly 5

a guy is about to use a urinal when he notices that the elderly man to his left is peeing two streams.
"what the hell's that?" he asks.
"war wound," the man replies. i was shot in the penis in north africa. they saved my penis but had to leave two holes."
then the guy looks to his right and sees an elderly man peeing three streams.
"war wound?" the man explains. "germany, bullet in the penis - left three holes."
the two veterans then look at the middle guy and see 12 streams.
"war wound?" they ask.
"no my zips just got stuck."

2006-08-07 22:12:08 · 14 answers · asked by Kelly 5

king arthur mounts his white steed and entrusts his wife queen guinevere's wellbeing to the men of the round table, saying she's been issued a new-style chastity belt with a guillotine attachment.
five years later on his return, he demands his gallant men line up and drop their pants.
"tut, tut, tut." he mutters, inspecting the line of downcast men and their absent genitalia.
then he finds a man whose tackle is still intact. elated he says: "my one good friend, sir lancelot! but tell me - how did youresist my wife's charms?"
out of sir lancelot's mouth comes a gutteral animal sound.
then his neighbour says: "sorry your majesty, but m'lord seems to have lost his toungue."

2006-08-07 22:03:12 · 8 answers · asked by Kelly 5

it may take me a while to get hard, i just got laid this morning.

2006-08-07 21:54:58 · 18 answers · asked by Kelly 5

feels on wheels.

2006-08-07 21:53:33 · 19 answers · asked by Kelly 5

pub customer: "i like the stuffed lion above the door."
landlord: "that lion killed my wife."
pub customer: "gosh! were you on safari?"
landlord: "no, here. it fell on her head."

2006-08-07 21:52:51 · 13 answers · asked by Kelly 5

is the one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts, who is the most popular woman?


The one who can eat the last doughnut.

2006-08-07 21:50:01 · 23 answers · asked by Kelly 5

Thanks a lot Jesus. That's like saying the runt gets the bone.

2006-08-07 21:47:36 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://www.banderasnews.com/howto/man.htm

2006-08-07 21:35:11 · 13 answers · asked by YoungBuck 1

The next day, none of the French kids had any lunch money.

2006-08-07 21:27:43 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

GUY: miss, let me bite your boobs. GIRL: NO WAY! GUY: i'll give you $5000. GIRL: well.. oook.. GUY: (*grope* *grope* *lick* *suck*) GIRL: why didn't you bite my breasts? GUY: i don't have $5000...

2006-08-07 21:26:56 · 5 answers · asked by c3dr1c 3

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.

The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"

To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."

2006-08-07 21:21:48 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

2006-08-07 21:20:38 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

2006-08-07 21:18:24 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

2006-08-07 21:17:30 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin and, truth be told, he is none too experienced either. On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring:

"My darring" he says, "I know dis yo firs time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting... just anyting you want, you say. Whatchou want?" he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress his virgin bride.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I want... numba 69!" More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he queries... "You want... Beef wif Broccori?

6 answers

2006-08-07 21:08:44 · 8 answers · asked by xxtakingbacksundayxx3 1

Give us your best. Fill in the blank with the type, and put the punchline below.

Similar to this;

(group)Kids with ADHD

(response)Wanna' go ride bikes?

2006-08-07 20:52:06 · 17 answers · asked by Jim T 6

I got an 86 chevy impala with 22's..

Xzibit ain't touching my sh!t..I ain't down like that.

Would you please pimp my "ride"?

I'mm let you ride on it, nuh i mean ride IN it...

2006-08-07 20:47:46 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous