Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

I need to get my pipe taken care of before I get a leak.

2006-08-08 08:30:09 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

that when i asked you what you are havin for dinner you put your feet on the table and said corn....

2006-08-08 08:22:53 · 23 answers · asked by fatalbert167 4

This farmer had a wife who nagged him all the time. One day while he
was outside plowing the field, she came out and started nagging him.
While she was doing this, the mule kicked her and she died. At the
funeral, the ladies came up and talked to the farmer. The farmer
nodded his head "yes". The men came up and talked to him and the
farmer nodded his head "no". Well this other man wondered why he
nodded his head "yes" to the ladies and "no" to the men. Then, he went
up to the farmer and asked him why. The farmer replied," Well, when
the ladies came up, they told me how pretty my wife's dress was and
how pretty she looked. When the men came up, they asked,' That mule
for sale?'

2006-08-08 08:22:01 · 17 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

A soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there.
He asked her, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I'll explain WHY later."
The nun agreed to his request. A short time later, two Military Police (MP's) came running along and asked if she had seen a soldier running down the road. She replied, "He went that way."
After the MP's disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see I don't want to go to Iraq." The nun said she could fully understand his fear. The soldier added, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have the most beautiful pair of legs I've ever seen!" The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen the most beautiful pair of balls you've ever seen! I don't want to go to Iraq either!

2006-08-08 08:21:16 · 17 answers · asked by Pd 6

2006-08-08 08:18:22 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

hi does anyone wanna check out my new site?
www.freewebs.com/sammydeea

2006-08-08 08:15:28 · 4 answers · asked by sam d 1

clean ones pls

2006-08-08 08:08:19 · 5 answers · asked by Saiko 2

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old
lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie
said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the
fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes
so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!" The man sat and
thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to
Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build
me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie
laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that!
How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of
how much concrete...how much steel!! No, think of another
wish." The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish.

2006-08-08 07:59:29 · 14 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

2006-08-08 07:51:49 · 14 answers · asked by lazy bastard 3

2006-08-08 07:48:35 · 6 answers · asked by graceful29@sbcglobal.net 2

2006-08-08 07:45:48 · 16 answers · asked by postypaul 3

what do you do when your washing machine isnt working ?--you smack the ***** and tell her to get back to work

2006-08-08 07:44:38 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

What about a peacock?

2006-08-08 07:44:07 · 8 answers · asked by Hello,It'sMe 3

2006-08-08 07:43:33 · 2 answers · asked by Da man 2

What gets wetter as it dries?

2006-08-08 07:43:24 · 7 answers · asked by Erin A 2

Please keep em clean.

2006-08-08 07:42:01 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

TO SEE IF THE MAXI PAD HAD WINGS!!!!!

2006-08-08 07:41:57 · 3 answers · asked by sweetestthing 4

Grace H. M. The Closest answer will get best answer, come on, you can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you already have my first name!!!!!!!!! My Last Name is something pretty common... its not like unique......... my middle name is the first name of a stupid singer

2006-08-08 07:41:22 · 6 answers · asked by Grace 2

because the old woman had shoplifted. The judge said to her, I'm giving you 3 days in jail because there were 3 peaches in the can of peaches you stole.
Then her husband piped up: She also stole a can of peas, your Honor.

2006-08-08 07:39:13 · 10 answers · asked by strawbcat 2

One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead men got up to fight,
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew there swords and shot each other.

2006-08-08 07:37:41 · 19 answers · asked by ? 5

most fun answer gets 10 pts.

2006-08-08 07:35:52 · 27 answers · asked by Hello,It'sMe 3

first one to get all of them right gets the points. You have 2 days.
1.what do you put in a toaster?
2. A plane is flying over west germany going to east germany. The plane crashes in mid germany. Where do you bury the survivors?
East germany,Mid germany or west germany
3.say silk 5 times. say it 5 more. spell silk. what do cows drink and put youre first answer.
4.If a black house is made of black bricks, a red house is made from red bricks whats a green house made of?
5. a lot of celeberties are flying on a plane. All of the sudden the plane starts to go down and there are 5 celebs and 4 parachutes. The first celeb is hilary clinton and she takes the firsto one as she has a chance of being the next president. The 2nd is ronaldo and says his fans need him. 3rd is president bush and he jumps because his country needs him. last is the pope and a little boy. the pope and a little kid. The pope tell the little boy to take the last chute and the boy says that the pres took his bookbag

2006-08-08 07:35:04 · 8 answers · asked by CrazyBoy 2

2006-08-08 07:32:13 · 8 answers · asked by MrsPTB4Life 3

i am aiming to get 2 million visitors to my website by december 31st 2006.
please help by visiting and telling everyone you know about my site which is http://www.jokes4ever.co.uk
thank you for your help

2006-08-08 07:25:10 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

im bored

2006-08-08 07:17:01 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

I thought I saw transluscent worms flying around the air attacking the earth. As I was trying to shoot them down with my shotgun, the neighbors explained it was just those things that float in my eye.

2006-08-08 07:15:59 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-08 07:15:08 · 22 answers · asked by Jamester 3

Calling the Last Rites

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A priest! Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd but finds no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind.

"A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age."Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Mary's Catholic Church on Third Avenue, and every night I'm listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man."

The policeman agrees and brings the octogenarian over to the dying man. He kneels down, leans over the injured and says in a solemn voice: "B - 4. I - 19. N - 38. G - 54. O - 72."

2006-08-08 07:04:54 · 47 answers · asked by mapple 2

She was in Walk the Line. But I don't know the whole thing. It was like Reese.......

2006-08-08 07:01:30 · 5 answers · asked by Good Vibrations 2

There was a man who went into a cave and found a big box labeled "One Million gems". A rich came over and saw the gems so he asked the man if he could buy them all. The man said yes and told the rich man that each gem was one dollar. So the man poured all the gems into a large bag and gave them to the rich man. The rich man looked into the bag and paid the man $999,999 and left. How did the man know there was one gem missing? (No he was not psychic)

2006-08-08 06:59:32 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous