Looking for awesome jokes!!!!!!!!!?

Question

clean ones pls

Answer 1

A little boy came down to breakfast. Since he lived on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores.

“Not yet,” said the little boy. His mother tells him he can’t have any breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he’s a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. “How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks.

“Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon, either. I also saw you kick the cow, so you aren’t getting any milk this morning.”

Just about then, his father comes down for breakfast, and he kicks the cat as he’s walking into the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, “Are you going to tell him, or should I?”

Answer 2

One day Lil Jony says to his father:
I want to get married.
Father: Oh, so do you have someone special in your mind?
Johny: Yes , Gradma
Father: What? There is a problem now, you want to marry my Mother?
Johny: Why not? You married my mother
____________________________________________________

__Teacher Now, children, if I saw a man beating a
donkey and
stopped
him, what virtue would I be showing?
L-Johnny Brotherly love.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say
prayers before
eating?
L-Johnny No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a
good cook.

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A stranger was seated next to Little Johnnie on the plane when the stranger turned to the boy and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnnie, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said Little Johnnie. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pelleile a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said Little Johnnie, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know s**t?" _______________________________________________

Answer 3

A women desperately looking for work goes into Erwin. The personal manager goes over her resume and explains to her that he regrets he has nothing worthy of her. The woman answers that she really needs work and will take almost anything. The personal manager hums and haws and finally says he does have a low skill job on the "Tickle Me Elmo" line and nothing else. The woman happily excepts. He takes her down to the line and explains her duties and that she should be in for 8:00 AM the next day.

The next day at 8:45 there's a knock at the personal manager's door. The "Tickle Me Elmo" line manager comes in and starts ranting about the woman he just hired. After screaming for 15 minutes about how badly backed up the assembly line is the personal manager suggested he show him the problem.

Together they head down to the line and sure enough Elmos are backed up from here to kingdom come. Right at the end of the line is the woman just hired, she has pulled over a roll of the material used for the Elmos and has a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric and takes 2 marbles and starts sewing them between Elmo's legs.

The personal managers starts to kill himself laughing and finally after 20 minutes of rolling around he pulls himself together and walks over to the new employee and says, "I'm sorry. I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. What I wanted you to do was give Elmo two test tickles."

Answer 4

Is this clean?
Y President Bush vetoed Stem Cell research - LOL?
President Bush used his first veto to federal funding for the embryonic stem cell research.
However at G8 meeting reporters microphones picked up his off the record comment "Stem cells can be dangerous if people used them while driving the car"

Answer 5

man walks into a pub and shouts " i just stepped in dog ****!"
a little man at the bar says "i just did that"
the big man calls him a dirty git and knocks him out.


a wife says to her husband as they look in a motorcycle shop
"which one would you have darling?"
pointing, he replies -
"thats the one i'd get" excitedly. just as a big hells angel wearing an eye patch comes out and hits him